CITADELS OF SUBVERSION FORUM!
According to the devoted patriots at the educational advocacy initiative, CAMPUS REFORM, ninety-six percent of the faculty and staff at Ivy League colleges that contributed to the 2012 presidential race donated to President Obama’s campaign. The organization admittedly reached this figure by studying data from the subversive Federal Election Commission (FEC), but WOOF nevertheless considers the findings accurate. WOOF’s own estimation of non-Ivy-League faculty leanings, compiled by an arcane combination of intuitive cognition and remote viewing (the precise details of which must remain confidential for the time being), suggests identical levels of radical bias almost everywhere in post-secondary academe.
Worse, the nation’s colleges and universities are not alone in their non-stop promotion of left-wing attitudes and philosophies—teachers at the middle-and-high-school level around the country are just as emphatically and vociferously allied with the worldwide totalitarian socialist conspiracy. Until this runaway leviathan of sinistral indoctrination is fought to a standstill and diversity of opinion is again given an authentic outing in our institutes of higher (and lower) learning, our children will continue to be hammered into mental conformity by the artificers of totalitarian liberalism! What can be done to stem this crimson tide?
When James Earl Carter, the peanut farmer from Georgia who was elected to the American presidency in 1976 during one of America’s earlier dalliances with national suicide, created the Department of Education as a sop to his supporters in the subversive National Education Association, he inaugurated the Federal endeavor to transform America’s schools into mills of deception churning out mindless, recycling-fixated, planetary warmth-fearing, self-esteem-obsessed, tofu munching mini-Marxists whose brow-beaten detestation of success, meritocracy, and individual creativity was made manifest in last November’s defeat of WOOF’s nominee, Christine O’Donnell, as well as the genial if unobtrusive Mitt Romney, who WOOF has learned ran as the Republican party candidate. Now, it is time to blow the whistle on these heuristic hooligans and shatter their death grip on the American education system! Start a home school in which children can
learn about capitalism and freedom—get those youngsters reading Hayek and Oakeshott, help them to appreciate Von Mises, Von Humboldt and, yes,Von Dutch! But if you are a student, gentle reader, we call on you—nay, we implore you–to stand up against the monolithic Mensheviks of post-modernity, and refuse to become fodder for their collectivist cookie cutter! Rebel! Rise and rebel!! We stand with you in obstreperous solidarity! Rebel! Get a video of your left wing teacher in full outcry against God and country, John Wayne, Elvis or good cheeseburgers! Tape him or her trashing whatever American institution or value they dare to rail against next, and send it to us at firstname.lastname@example.org and if we think your teacher is a commie, (you know, as opposed to just being nuts), we’ll post the video right here on the WOOF site for everyone to watch and giggle at! Remember, nothing is as utterly destructive to the sinews of the Left as ridicule, which is why they long ago suborned and now dominate the stand-up comedy industry! But with your help, we can make YOUR anti-American professor or seditious secondary school teacher a laughing stock—and we’ll be here to laugh right along with you! Yes, it could well be YOUR very own ranting, ultra-left-wing, paleo-Stalinist pedagogue who finds him or herself saying:
“….And I’d have gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for those meddlesome kids and that WOOF!!”
Today, the Academy, tomorrow the stand-up comic industry! WOOF marches on!