……TERRY AND THE PIRATES ASIAN DESK……
Readers of the TERRY AND THE PIRATES segment of earlier WOOF reports are already aware that mainland China was lost to the free world in 1949 owing to the underhanded efforts of the insidious Communists, some of whom were led by the late Mao Tse Tung, but most of whom worked for the American Sate Department. This loss forced Chaing Kai-shek to relocate the Chinese people to the island of Formosa, now known as Taiwan, while the Chinese Communists occupied the greater land mass now known as Red China, sometimes laughingly called The Peoples Republic of China. Regular readers also know that Hu Jintao has been made fun of in these pages from the earliest days of WOOF ALERTS. So now it is time to bid a fond farewell to Hu…Hu is retiring. In his farewell address to 2,000 Chicom party delegates he made some important remarks. Taking these remarks as raw feed from a Reuter’s dispatch of November 8th, WOOF turned them over to our resident Oriental languages expert, Connie Confucius, for interpretation, in hopes of discovering a new hint of liberalization in Hu’s tone. Here follow Hu’s remarks, first as he delivered them, and then, in italics as our very own Connie Confucius transposed them into English. (And not a single “who” pun this time! We’re proud of ourselves!)
“Combating corruption and promoting political integrity, which is a major political issue of great concern to the people, is a clear-cut long-term political commitment of the party!”
We got here by shooting anyone who gave us any problems, and we’re going to keep right on shooting them!
“If we fail to handle this issue well, it could prove fatal to the party and even cause the fall of the party and the collapse of the state!”
If we don’t keep shooting more and more people, we might all be overthrown along with all our fellow commie butchers, hacks and lackeys in Beijing and throughout the country, and then they’ll hang us like rats in Tienanmen Square!
“We must thus make unremitting efforts to combat corruption!”
So we need to pick some of the party’s middle leadership and shoot them, too! Shooting, shooting, shooting! Bang, bang, bang, bang!!
“All those who violate party discipline, whoever they are, or whatever official positions they hold, must be brought to justice without mercy!”
In fact, a lot of you right here in this room, listening to me now, are going to get shot!
“We must uphold the leadership of the party!”
Bangity bangity-bang, bang-bang-bang!!!
Woof has learned that President Hu’s remarks were met with polite applause.