Well! As loyal WOOF readers are undoubtedly aware, that fireball of whimsicality Jim DeMint suddenly ditched his Senate seat last week, ostensibly to roll to the moderate Heritage Foundation where he claims he can make a more meaningful contribution. DeMint made a predictably insulse speech to this effect leaving WOOF all the more convinced the commies forced him from office some how, but that, dear readers is not the point of this commentary! To find the excitement in this plodding narrative, and there’s plenty of it, one needs to examine the ramifications of DeMint’s departure, namely that the beautiful and talented Nikki Haley, hot conservative governor of South Carolina, is now at liberty to appoint a successor to DeMint.
Haley originally argued against replacing DeMint with a “caretaker” Senator (you know, like Jimmy Stewart in that Mr. Smith movie?) but seems now increasingly of a mind to do exactly that. Along these lines, Haley is reported to be considering David Wilkins, former South Carolina House speaker and ex-U.S. ambassador to Canada, to which WOOF says “boring!” She is also being urged to appoint Rep. Tim Scott whose boosters insist that he is ideally qualified because he’s Black, and the Republicans on the Hill want Black senators because they don’t currently have any—and frankly, WOOF’s only objection to Scott is that in 2008, in the process of his election to the South Carolina House of Representatives (District 117) he apparently defeated Bill Cosby—and we really kind of liked Bill Cosby in I Spy. That was a good show.
That aside, many are crying out for a racially-based pick. Conservative blogger Erik Erickson (not to be confused with the childhood development specialist who reshaped developmental psychology without ever going to school for it) recently tweeted, “Gov. Nikki Haley now has the ability to give the US Senate its only black Senator — a conservative from South Carolina named Tim Scott.” The appointment of a Black would indeed have historical merit since no black Republican senator has been sent to Congress since Edward Brooke, who represented Massachusetts, and of course anybody can do that.
BUT, why not go for the gold here, Nikki Haley? Consider this one all-important question, Madame Governor: Has Tim Scott ever pointed out that there are “About 78 to 81 members of the Democratic Party that are members of the Communist Party”? The simple and disappointing answer is, NO! Allen West said that, not Tim Scott! So what can you do, Governor Haley, to ensure the very finest available individual returns to Washington in the service of your state, and simultaneously satisfy the racial issue? Simple! Appoint Allen West, and get the best of everything! Brilliant? You’re darn right it’s brilliant! And luckily for South Carolina, Colonel West is up for grabs having been gerrymandered out of his job in Florida’s 22nd Congressional District where blunt-witted liberal establishment voters ousted him last November, replacing him with Global Warming enthusiast Patrick Murphy, whose recommendations for office include a history of public drunkenness, verbal abuse of police officers, and having a rich daddy who paid for his campaign ads.
Governor Haley, appoint Allen West, American patriot, war hero, and commie-bashing crusading Congressman to represent your state in the Senate! Send him back where he can do the most damage to the Liberal Totalitarian Socialist Establishment, Governor! This is a golden opportunity; don’t let it slip through your fingers! And if you’re worried by the small detail that Colonel West is not a resident of South Carolina—don’t concern yourself! He can grab an apartment in Charleston and visit occasionally. Remember, Hillary Clinton got elected to the senate from New York, despite never having lived there, through the simple expedient of moving into a newly purchased home in Chappaqua– thereby throwing her pants suit into the ring in 2000 and handily winning the seat vacated by Daniel Patrick Moynihan. Think about the opportunity here, Governor Haley! Just think about it, and then– do your patriotic duty!