What she was actually trying to say remains, as is so often the case, anybody’s guess—but Nancy Pelosi’s meandering, incoherent remarks of yesterday cannot be dismissed by men and women of good conscience as just another example of the woman’s signature traulism—just more dysphonic evidence of botox-induced aphasia—no! For if what we heard in House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi’s sputterings of the day gone by was no worse than the usual irrational incoherencies she subjects us to, it was what we decidedly did NOT hear that conjured dark images of burnings, drownings, torturous persecutions, and organized state-sanctioned violence visited upon helpless minorities from a cold, forgotten chamber of our collective National psyche! The low blow struck a new level of degeneracy in the Minority Leader’s long history of rhetorical and moral devolutions and we here at WOOF say, it’s time to put away our differences with those of strange or distal faiths long enough to shout “Enough, Madam! Enough! Is there no end to your effronteries?!”
In her remarks from the House floor, Pelosi gave voice to her concern that Americans do not have enough to spend on shopping this Holiday Season, which indisputable fact she seemed somehow to attribute to their not being taxed enough. She insisted that Americans wanted to have the President’s higher taxes and higher debt ceiling hurried through Congress over the protests of Grinch-like Republicans so they, the American people, could enjoy a holiday free of concern over “bonding rituals.” Pelosi asked plaintively if “we” had stopped caring about the aforementioned bonding rituals, so important to our society. “Do we not care about that?” She pondered rhetorically—adding “Well, the American people do, and they want to shop for it!”
WOOF wants to make it clear that if your family is brought together by shopping for bonding rituals over Christmas, that’s fine with us—we at WOOF harbor strong Libertarian tendencies. But the stunner came when Pelosi carefully listed the significant celebrations of Yuletide, crying to the galleries, “Is there not an appreciation for the
Jewish holidays? The Christmas holiday? Kwanzaa? “ …and then made a decided point of halting her references precisely there! One can hear for oneself, on the widely circulated video, the dumbstruck silence in the wake of the Minority Leader’s glaring omission of…Solstice! Worse, this follows a pattern of Democrat party witch-baiting, one clear and undeniable example of which is the unfounded smear campaign run out of the White House against WOOF’s 2012 presidential nominee, Christine O’Donnell during her bid for a congressional seat in 2010…a campaign of such insensate virulence that Miss O’Donnell was forced to take to the airwaves to deny being a witch, which she is not—although she’d make a cute one.
Mrs. Pelosi, for your information madam, there are well over 700,000 Wiccans and assorted other pagan religionists living in the United States alone, according to the authoritative American Religious Identification Survey (ARIS) of 2008, and they hold Solstice sacred, Mrs. Pelosi—a time of wintry celebration that predates Christ’s earthly mission and has infused itself in many Christian and secular traditions! To these misguided but constitutionally-protected American witches, the Great Wheel turns to the season of Yule and the universally celebrated festival of Midwinter whose roots go back to the Stone Age, Mrs. Pelosi, and are traceable to Roman and ancient Germanic times—and at this most significant sabbat on the pagan calendar, you snub them? Rudely, with manifest premeditation—you simply eject them from the American roll call? Mrs. Pelosi, we at WOOF believe you go too far!
You managed to mention Kwanzaa, after all, a holiday that traces its ancient traditions back to 1966 when it was invented by a Communist named Ron Karenga who was jailed for assault and the torture of two women and whose prison psychiatrist pointed out that he tended to have conversations with his blanket, and imaginary visitors while complaining frequently of being attacked by dive bombers. Besides, Mrs. Pelosi, according to a BIGresearch poll of 2004, only about 1.6 million Americans celebrated Kwanzaa that year, and the numbers grow fewer each year. And let’s be frank: those people are mainly white liberals who want
to look sensitive, college professors who are in love with the Marxist principles the holiday embraces, and Maya Angelou. Just to put this in proportion for you, Mrs Pelosi, that means more Americans say they’ve been abducted by UFOs than say they celebrate Kwanzaa! (Although to be fair, the one population may subsume the other to an extent.)
So where’s the sense of proportionality here, Nancy? Hmm? Sure, you can celebrate Kwanzaa if you want to—for that matter, we here at WOOF will defend your right to celebrate National Fruitcake Awareness Day (December 27th,by the way) if you want to. Just lay off those pagans, okay? They may be lost lambs of the spirit, and WOOF suspects without actually checking that most of them probably vote liberal—but to give them the cold shoulder in so starkly calculated and unfeeling a manner? No, Mrs. Pelosi—it is religious bigotry at its ugliest and it will not serve! WOOF calls on you here and now to issue a public apology for your crude rejection of this historically oppressed minority. You’re big enough to put this behind you, Mrs. Pelosi—show some class!