WOOF realizes that many of you are baffled and bewildered by what happened Wednesday in the Senate and House when our very own first-ever recipient of the coveted “Dullie” award (for most foggy-bottomest acts of statespersonhood), showed up in a green dress and went pretty much berserk for a few hours. Yes, we refer to outgoing Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, but in keeping with our vow to refer henceforth to Mrs. Clinton in Tina Brown’s memorable phrase, we will refer to Hillary as “Her Magnificence” throughout much of this discussion. Now, as to the hearings—what was actually learned? Well, if you were previously unaware that House and Senate Republicans would rather gargle scorpions that pick a fight with a media darling, you learned that, right? And if you didn’t know that House and Senate Democrats would rather choke on their tongues than criticize a fellow Liberal, especially a Clinton, you certainly learned that. But most WOOFites already knew all that, so what is probably bothering you at this juncture is: what the heck was the rest of that Kafkaesque farrago about? Or was it really the triumphant Ollie-North style storming of the Capital that the Post and the NY Times gushed about? Well, never fear, loyal readers! WOOF is here to explain the entire event to you, in an easily understood format with which to tutor your friends and relatives, in case they’re confused too.
Benghazi was never in “Roadhouse”
First, who is Ben Ghazi, and what does Hillary Clinton have to do with him? Regular readers are already aware that Benghazi is a place, not the name of the actor who starred in Run for Your Life; but most Americans still seem to be utterly unaware of this distinction, perhaps owing to the fact that the Liberal Media have not reported on the event much, for fear of causing viewers and readers distress and distracting them from the President’s election campaign and subsequent inaugural ceremonies. So for the benefit of the uninformed, Benghazi
is the second largest city in Libya, and it was there on September 11 (ring any bells?) that a company-sized unit of well armed terrorists equipped with mortars and RPGs attacked the United States consulate compound. Apparently, American Ambassador Chris Stevens was thereupon moved to a “safe house” by Libyan body guards, who had been hired to replace Americans in the interest of multicultural outreach—good so far? Okay, well, in the interest of multicultural outreach, the body guards then went and told the Al Qaeda forces attacking the consulate where, in fact, they had just moved the Ambassador, at which point the safe house came under attack.
The entirety of the fighting, from the time of the attack on the consulate until the time Ambassador Stevens was dragged through the streets, serially raped, and murdered, was approximately six hours. Also killed were former SEAL Tyrone Woods, former SEAL Glen Doherty, and Sean Smith, U.S. Foreign Service Information Management Officer. Additionally, we know that between ten and twenty others were injured, although nobody has been permitted to interview or even to identify them, and WOOF hasn’t figured out who they are yet. We also know that during the prolonged battle, during which the former SEALS beat the Al Qaeda attackers by a score of 60 to 4, the White House situation room was watching the entire disaster with that cool, sophisticated detachment for which our Beloved Leader is so frequently praised by his lapdog press. See, there’s this lady named Charlene Lamb who is the State Department official who masterminded the whole Libyans-protecting-the-American-consulate idea, and she has testified she could “follow what was happening in almost real time.” Bear that in mind, WOOFketeers, because that’s important!
As WOOF followers are well aware, the next thing that happened was White House press secretary Jay Carney, boy propagandist, put on one of his more notable displays of creative fiction and insisted that the entire matter was just a protest over a film that nobody had ever heard of or seen. UN Ambassador Susan Rice went on every liberal weekend news program (which means all of them) and sternly repeated this rubbish. Mrs. Clinton even assured the nonplussed father of slain ex-SEAL Tyrone Woods, “we’re going to get the guy who made that film.”
But there never really seemed to be any film—just a brief teaser for a film on YouTube that nobody here or abroad ever saw until the Administration began blaming it for the “spontaneous mob violence” that led to the Ambassador’s undoing. The poor schlub who made the teaser, Nakoula Nakoula (no we didn’t make that up) and may or may not have made the movie Innocence of Muslims (since those who acted in the film insist it was a different story altogether and only 20 people ever saw it screened) is rotting in the Regime’s political prison system, despite being WOOF’s “man of the year,” and having done absolutely nothing except forget to call his probation officer—but that’s not important now.
What’s important is the strong probability that top officials of the Obama Administration watched the hours long fight in Libya by surveillance drone or satellite cameras while conversing with our side on their communications lash-up in the White House situation room, and chose to do nothing in response—in fact they chose to repeatedly deny CIA offers to send in help and never scrambled air support in the vicinity. Official unnamed sources have also informed WOOF that an AC130 gunship was in the vicinity but was never given permission to open fire. As Tyrone Woods’s father told moderate FOX News journalist Sean Hannity: “I don’t want to point any fingers, but obviously people in the White House were watching this happen real-time. Someone in the White House or many people in the White House watched the events unfolding and knew that if they gave the order to stand down that my son would die. They watched my son die.” The Administration has since countered that nobody watched as this happened, and there was only telephone contact, so maybe Mr. Woods should amend his complaint to: “They listened to my son die.”
Obviously, the appropriate thing to do was haul the Secretary of State before a committee and ask her what the heck happened—but Hillary fell and bumped her head and couldn’t get up to testify. Until Wednesday. It was on Wednesday that Her Magnificence, looking wildly disheveled in some sort of shamrock-green fashion error, made herself at last available for congressional scrutiny and proceeded to clarify the situation as follows.
Her Magnificence stands on her record
Ben Cardin, (D), a standard hack Menshevik from Maryland who inexplicably defeated Michael Steele in a Senate race, expressed his sorrow that Clinton’s final appearance before Congress was to explain her role in a tragedy rather than to recap her diplomatic successes, but this seems an unlikely option at best. WOOF has carefully checked, and there are no such diplomatic successes, unless one defines success as removing the reliably pro-American Hosni Mubarak from the Egyptian presidency and replacing
him with an anti-Semitic genocidal maniac named Morsi who rewrote the Egyptian constitution in one night, giving all authority to himself. But perhaps Cardin was thinking of how Hillary next helped eliminate the clownish Qadhafi in Libya, long bombed into reliable neutrality by Reagan’s military, and having deposed him through illegal, armed intervention, cracked jokes about his corpse while Islamic extremists replaced him and proved their gratitude by ultimately assaulting our consulate and killing our ambassador. While thus engaged, let’s remember too that Her Magnificence did absolutely nothing to support “Arab Spring” in the streets of Iran, where it might have overthrown the tyranny of that anti-American government, nor did she assist in the uprisings in Syria, where a banal little psychopath named Bashar Hafez al-Assad has been backing the murder of American troops in Iraq from the time they first arrived, in
addition to which he is a pencil necked weirdo who wears gigantic neckties to emphasize his preternaturally tiny head, and who happens to be married to a really attractive lady whom he doesn’t deserve—so why not go after him, Your Magnificence? Not his wife though, she’s obviously just misguided. Oh, and let’s not forget that Hillary’s tenure comprises other “successes” such as selling Israel down the river, ignoring North Korea’s growing enthusiasm for lobbing ICBMs whither it whist (and developing atom bombs to put on them), betraying Poland by jerking the rug from under it in the missile defense deal she played a part in scrapping, while at approximately the same time inspiring so much scorn from Beijing that her recent visit to China invited nothing short of hostile derision from that government, and allowing relations with Russia to plummet into a new ice age despite her cute idea of presenting Putin with a big red “reset” button that was supposed to say perezagruzka (перезагрузка), but in fact read peregruzka, which actually means “overload” or else, “I am one jelly donut,” we forget which.
Listen, when we give out the coveted John Foster Dulles (“Dullie”) award, we know what we’re doing, gentle readers, and Hillary deserved it! Her entire span of office was sheer chaos. A recent PewResearchCenter study of global attitudes towards the US indicates that sentiment toward America has plunged by double-digit margins everywhere in the world since 2009, and yet Sen. Barbara Boxer, (Dingbat-California), typified the absolutely ludicrous encomia heaped on Her Magnificence by nearly all committee members when she blathered: “Madame secretary you have represented us with tremendous strength and poise. You have won us friends.”
Her Magnificence goes on record
Well, no “strength and poise” was on display during Hillary’s appearance on Wednesday. She screeched, ranted, pounded the table, flapped her arms and maintained a general affect of near hysteria as she struggled to cope with the questioning without actually giving up the answers. Her single moment of unClinton-like honesty was her initial declaration that “Nobody wants to sit where I am and have to think now about what coulda, shoulda, woulda happened.” Of course, nobody else had to. She went on to explain that Benghazi was a direct consequence of the Arab Spring revolts, which, she explained, toppled authoritarian rulers, thus unleashing “long-suppressed radical forces.” Worse, she pointed out that these forces were well armed as a consequence of the Libyan regime’s collapse and the resultant availability of sophisticated weapons. She neglected to mention that all of this occurred virtually at her direction, and was, at the time, shrilly extolled by her as the democratic remaking of the region. So should she apologize? Well, no, because, she explained, “We are in a new reality, We are trying to make sense of changes that nobody had predicted but that we’re going to have to live with.” Well, yeah—we’re going to have to live with them because Her Magnificence orchestrated them, but somebody certainly could have predicted the disastrous results because WOOF certainly did—and so did most of the vast right-wing conspiracy, (while the media pundits were flapping their jaws numb about Arab Spring) so why is Hillary so shocked and mystified by her own creation—a pan-psychotic Middle East?
When Ron Johnson (R-Wis) pressed her about her inability to recall with any detail what was first known when or by whom, and why nothing whatsoever was done, Hillary shrieked, “The fact is, we had four dead Americans!” as though this had not occurred to anyone else—as though this weren’t the main reason she was being asked to remember how she allowed such a catastrophe to eventuate. Nearly hysterical, she continued,” Was it because of a protest or because of guys out for a walk one night who
decided they’d go kill some Americans– what difference, at this point, does it make?” And suddenly cognizant of the shock her last ejaculation inscribed on the faces of the Senate panel, immediately added, “It is our job to figure out what happened and prevent it from ever happening again, Senator,” which suggests that maybe it does make a difference after all, and invites the listener to make the insane inference that the person who presided over the entire calamity and was at the informational nexus of events, is now going to set about looking into whatever may have happened…kind of like Dan Rather who finally said of his infamously hoaxed collection of George Bush’s supposed military records, after everyone else had long sense acknowledged their fraudulence, “If the documents are fake, I want to be the one to break the story!” Besides which, of course, Hillary is slinking out of office and won’t be looking into anything except her own aggrandizement and future political career.
Her Magnificence solemnly acknowledged her full responsibility for the overall provision of security to her department’s outposts, and then claimed not to be responsible, emphasizing that the review board found that “direct responsibility for the deficiencies highlighted during the Benghazi assault began at the level of assistant secretary and below.” The same board concluded that there had been absolutely no protest of a film involved in the mayhem of September 11, but Hillary didn’t mention that fact, probably because she couldn’t see what difference, at this point, it makes.
As to the frantic communications from the Ambassador to the effect that his safety was at issue, repeatedly insisting that his consulate required more security, Clinton simply said she never knew about it. The chairman on the House Committee on Homeland Security specified an August cable sent from the ambassador at Benghazi to the State Department requesting more security. “Someone within your office should have seen this cable?” he ventured. Clinton insisted that the cable never came to her attention. When Senators attempted to discover why the American people had been lied to about a movie protest for almost two weeks, Hillary scoffed, “I was pretty occupied about keeping our people safe, doing what needed to be done.… I wasn’t involved in the talking points process,” which response seems odd considering she’d done exactly nothing while her people were being butchered, and had herself assured Tyrone Wood’s father that she was hot on the trail of the evil filmmaker responsible for the crisis. But her magnificence has little to worry about. The monolithically Leftist media will repair her image for her, flushing her sins down the memory hole long before her presidential bid in 2016—and the excuse makers on the left are already hard at work putting the blame exactly where it could not rationally be suspected of belonging. Bush’s fault? Well, not quite, no—but it was left to Rep. Joaquin Castro, D-San Antonio, a committee member, to strike the proceedings’ comic high point by concluding that: “After this hearing one thing is clear, Congress must take a look at itself and seriously examine whether it commits the resources that are necessary for the State Department to carry out its job properly!” WOOF bets Representative Castro a free t-shirt against his redest power tie that he had that remark prepared before Her Magnificence ever sat down to testify.
Not to be outdone, Hillary offered a comedic capstone, solemnly averring, “We’ve come a long way in the past four years, and we cannot afford to retreat now!”
QUESTIONS NOBODY GOT ANSWERED OR EVEN ASKED IN MOST CASES:
- Why is Charlene Lamb now the only person who seems to have been in real time contact with events as they transpired in Benghazi?
- Why are all the lower level State employees, including Lamb, who were said to have been let go because of their alleged negligence in the Benghazi affair still on the payroll?
- Who made the decision to deny the real-time assistance requested repeatedly by the CIA and the SEALS?
- Where was President Obama while this was happening?
- Where, indeed, was Hillary Clinton?
- Why did the administration conduct an illegal war in Libya to empower the very extremists who attacked the American compound and killed the Ambassador?
- Why did the administration blatantly lie for two weeks about the attack being a reaction to the movie “Innocence of Muslims,” which nobody ever heard of?
- And finally—why was Hillary Clinton’s entire campaign debt from 2008, in the amount of 25 million dollars, retired in full on the day she testified before the House and Senate?
TANKS FOR NOTHING, EGYPT!
Oh, and in the wake of a violent 9/11 attack on the American Embassy in Egypt, occurring on the same night as the more infamous assault in Libya, and the seizure of the Egyptian government by the radically anti-American Muslim-Brotherhood, the Obama Administration is celebrating by sending its brethren in Egypt a fully equipped squadron of F-16 fighters. But less well known than this, is the additional gift of 200 combat-ready Abrams M-1 main battle tanks. Asked if this obvious effort to arm Israel’s potential adversary with the finest tanks in the world might not be considered a tad irresponsible, Obama’s Pentagon replied that it is constantly reviewing matters of military assistance to foreign regimes to ensure that all such allotments are consistent with “U.S. objectives” which apparently now include as many dead Israeli soldiers as possible, and the ability of Egyptian Thug-in-Chief Mohamed Morsi to run over as many protesters in his streets as he finds necessary to retain power. For his part, Morsi has commented that “No reasonable person can expect progress [with Israel]. Either you accept the Zionists and everything they want, or else there is war. This is what the occupiers of the land of Palestine know – these blood suckers who attack the Palestinians, these warmongers, these descendants of apes and pigs. They must not be given any opportunity and must not stand on any Islamic or Arab land. They must be driven out of our countries.”
Once again, WOOF politely asks America’s liberal Democratic Jewish voters: Are you nuts?