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SEQUESTRATION THREATENS GLOBAL DOOM! WOOF OFFERS SURVIVAL TIPS ON BRINK OF LOOMING CATASTROPHE!

In "Sequestration Nation" forum on February 27, 2013 at 2:21 am
Duck and cover, America!

Duck and cover, America!

Fellow Americans and devoted Wooferians, we have, as you are keenly aware, only until Friday at which point the great horror will fall upon us, and life as we’ve known it in these United States will cease to proceed as we’ve been accustomed to heretofore! Our valiant young though pathologically narcissistic  President has done his utmost to scare the bloody hell out of us about this impending National fiscal collapse, and yet many remain unaware of the exact scope of the tragic events that are about to befall the nation. Even in the wake of panic in the streetsthe President’s Sunday morning release of his state-by-state predictions of doom, it appeared that many of our readers remained confused as to what will ensue if the Republican congress doesn’t cave in—which it actually (gasp!) may not—before the final hour tolls!  Well, here’s the truth! The budget is not about to be cut at all—no, that sort of thinking is unknown in the Oval Office or on Capital Hill where politicians have honed the art of blathering endlessly about coming cuts to a budget that is in no respect to be cut, reduced, or even frozen. Not going to happen. Cuts? All you hear about is cuts? Slashing the budget? Draconian reductions in spending? Lies, lies, lies, fellow Woofites!  There aren’t going to be any cuts. There is going to be a massive increase in the budget, billions in excess of what it was previously, and the effect of sequestration will be to reduce that rate of expansion by about 2.5% or a measly 85 billion—and even this slight decrease in the increase won’t be felt immediately, because the government can’t function that efficiently—it’s kind of bloated, have you heard? So what does that mean? The Congressional Budget Office predicts that overall, spending for FY 2013 will ultimately be reduced by that $85 billion-dollar figure, saying, “discretionary outlays will drop by $35 billion and mandatory spending will be reduced by $9 billion this year as a direct result of those procedures; additional reductions in outlays attributable to the cuts in 2013 funding will occur in later years.” What’s that mean? Well, the immediate reduction in the rate of bloating during FY 2013 (still not a cut, got that ?) will really, truly, be only about $44 billion, which is really only a 1.5% reduction in the amount that the Administration would otherwise be spending.

The federal government prepares to cut funding to millions as sequestration looms

The federal government prepares to cut funding to millions as sequestration looms

WOOF understands that this is hard on a lot of your brain bones. WOOF understands that you hear about taking a butcher’s cleaver to the federal budget whenever you turn on the Liberal Establishment Media, and you find it hard to fathom that they are just lying to you through their teeth—and in their defense, most of them aren’t lying at all.

Pretty; idiotic

Pretty; idiotic

They’re just stupid. We don’t mean to call them names or anything—we’re just explaining the news culture—it is mainly populated by idiots. Charlie Gibson is an idiot. Katie Couric is an idiot. They can’t help it—it’s not their fault. Soledad O’Brien? A pretty idiot. You have to work up to the level of say, Meet the Press before you run into the ones who are conscious constituents of the Worldwide Totalitarian Socialist Conspiracy that Governs Us. And a lot of them are idiots too—Tom Brokaw? Total idiot. Not a bad guy, we suppose—just challenged. Dan Rather is a simpering moron…and a pretty bad guy to boot! Repeat these truths—you may find them liberating. But we digress.

What we were by way of telling you was that despite the onrushing terror of sequester, your friendly, neighborhood federal government will actually be spending considerably more in 2013 than it did in 2012.  And that’s not all, folks. The federal government, even should sequestration kick in on Friday, will  be spending more than at any other time in American history, even adjusted for inflation, except for 2011 (when we spent $3.598 trillion because we were still bailing out all those mom and pop “Volt” battery manufacturers and solar-powered windmill entrepreneurs to open the door to America’s green future—remember those days?)  So now, if you are really naive, you may be wondering what on earth the President can be talking about when he warns us urgently of all the horrible depredations that sequester will visit upon the commonweal– why is the president telling us all these horror stories about a relatively benign event?scraem

Aha! He’s telling you how scary it will all be, because he fully intends to make it a scary as possible! See, the whole idea of sequestration was Barack Obama’s suggestion in the first place, (yes, he’s now crusading against it, but he suggested it, honest!) and because he is handled by intensely clever Marxist/Leninist management, he took the advance action of building in the phenomenon of “discretionary” cutting. And because the targeting of the reductions are up to the President, he can focus them in ways to make the biggest and most ghastly disruptions. You may wonder why any American President would intentionally create crises during his own tenure in office, and the answer, obviously, is because the media will assist the First Marxist in appearing to be fighting against these crises, just as soon as he has caused them! This is how the last five years have gone in this country, by the way, have you noticed? Obama creates havoc, blames the Republicans, and comes out swinging against his own policies. The establishment media join “rappin’ preezy” in the blame shifting and the heroic posturing, .and 48% of the American people tell one another its all Bush’s fault while 51 percent of the electorate pulls the lever for four more years of this bilge and 2.5 million Republicans who should have shown up and voted stayed home, presumably more bothered by the prospect of a moderate Mormon president than that of a radical Red one.

Another one on one with the President, Speaker Boehner?

Another one on one with the President, Speaker Boehner?

Under the stewardship of the current Administration, WOOF fully expects a slue of petulant, revenge driven firings and layoffs which may have a genuine effect on the value of the daily lives of many Americans, but we will weather it, people—and a few of us will even have the insight requisite to holding the President responsible for it while we do. One cannot hold the Republican establishment responsible for anything at this point—they are still playing Charlie Brown to Obama’s Lucy—still running toward the proffered football only to be snookered anew with every salient. Ever since Howard Jarvis led a tax reform movement in California in the late ‘70s and Jerry Brown (a problem then as now) responded by cutting police and fire protection, as though there were not a multiplicity of options in porky sinecures in need of trimming, the favorite tactic of Liberal plutocrats whenever budgetary constraints threaten has been to ignore their cronies in the Statist bureaucracies and pull the paychecks for the first responders. Think it stinks? Gosh—blame the Republicans!

So what could happen? Well…if sequestration becomes the law of the land, we will finally and officially have gone over that fiscal cliff that we have avoided or kind of avoided approximately 37 times since Obama took office in 2008. This doesn’t mean that we won’t be looking at another fiscal cliff in a few weeks—they are Obama’s premeditated concomitant to all the endless wars he keeps claiming to have ended. But right now, we are busy driving right over this one—and here’s what may happen as a result!

Thelma_Louise_cliff

Intelligence agency-affiliated and military-personnel-and-equipment cuts may be spectacular—not because they need to be, but because this is a set up. Nobody else seems to have noticed this, but Obama wants the military weakened to the extent of rendering this country a third-world enterprise—how else to humble the United States, which he is dedicated to wrecking utterly for good old dad and his beloved mentors, Frank Marshall Davis and Reverend Wright. Cuts he never could have made to the military and to national security without being accused of treasonable negligence, he can now make with total impunity and blame on the intractable GOP in congress. This he will assuredly do, and America will be considerably weakened as a result. If Obama’s bluff is called, and that’s all it is of course, he will do a Jerry Brown on the economy and stage a budgetary crisis for his lapdog media to depict and bitterly lament. Consider how odd is the fact that the media will be urged by Obama to magnify every minor episode as Obama causes it. Doesn’t that seem counterintuitive? In days gone by, if Reagan cut funding to albino hermaphroditic psychiatric services, the press would not

Linda looks like she'd like to be "Back in the USA"--just sayin'

Linda looks like she’d like to be “Back in the USA”–just sayin’

rest until they had located an albino hermaphrodite (possibly the only albino hermaphrodite) with a heartrending tale of untreated Bipolar I disorder, and Reagan would be held contemptible in the matter. But now, when Obama’s media amplify the voices of all who suppose themselves harmed by sequester,—the imagery will be of a GOP-created financial collapse. It helps when the news media are your bitch, huh, Barry!

But even as he continues to wreck havoc on the nation while pretending to be fighting the very havoc he engenders and blaming the resultant damage on the Republican party, (personified by the dumbfounded visage of Boehner, speechless and cringing) there remains a limit to the level of desperation the First Marxist  can create while depicting himself as protecting us from. At least this time around/ And WOOF has noticed that the speeches the President is making that warn us of the coming devastation are completely unoriginal rehashes of past recitations of impending doom left over from the last six or seven financial cliffs, crises, and catastrophes that were pointed to as potentially ruinous unless the President got tax hikes and mega-spending programs immediately. All he wants now is another tax increase, and if he doesn’t get it, the military and some government contractors will just have to pay the price of his displeasure—but the discernable pain felt by the average American will be negligible. Yet, America is deluged with the trite banalities rehearsed by the President (who is maundering on someplace even now about women who won’t be able to get screened for cancer and police who will be dragged off the beat if sequestration defunds them, and vaccination programs that will be sidelined and teachers –who aren’t even federally funded, by the way—being furloughed en mass, and blah blah blah).

statue with snorkel

WOOF believes that the President would do well to whip up some fresher, more original concerns—because otherwise the administration is going to bore everyone—and that’s when it all becomes intolerable, don’t you agree? Bad for you and for us, Mr. President! You don’t want to bore us, and we don’t want to be bored, right? Nothing sadder than a dull conspiracy after all! So WOOF wants to help out –in a rare fit of bipartisan bonhomie–with some possible ramifications of reaching sequestration that are every bit as likely as most of those the president has mentioned, but less threadbare from habitual recitation!

  • First of course, everyone should be warned to have 60 days of food, necessary medications, distilled water, and basic medical supplies. Don’t forget toilet paper and a can opener. WOOF would also advise a shotgun, but the Vice President already took care of that. A Mini-14, a 1911 semi-auto pistol in 45ACP, and a Bowie knife would also be a good ideas. Mobs mayrun insensately through the streets expecting to be starved or, possibly, put to work at any second.
  • Cuts to astronomers’ subsidies may conflate with cuts to the military to produce a catastrophe in which a rogue comet strikes the earth after belated detection and an unsuccessful attempt at interception rendered impotent by cuts in military preparedness. This could eliminate half of earth’s population, flooding North America and leaving Western Europe and Russia arid and lifeless. It may also leave North Korea arid and lifeless, but nobody will notice.
  • Grounding the secret, specially outfitted air fleet that flies around gushing “chemtrails” made of tiny particles of barium and thorium into our stratosphere to counteract global warming may result in the tides rising and other symptoms of severe climate change, baking the ice caps and sending the ever-increasing population of polar bears swimming for solid land. This will result in the populations of Canada and Russia being devoured wholesale as wave after wave of furious, ravenous bears struggle ashore in those nations.
  • Safety crews at the nation’s nuclear power plants may be furloughed, engendering several China Syndrome style meltdowns and causing us to wonder yet again why the President is closing down all those coal burning plants, but the resultant nuclear heat will counteract the otherwise wintry conditions engendered by the comet strike!
  • Foreign-aid funds dry up for the newly founded nation of “Koozastan” embittering it against its founder, John Kerry, and his state department thus driving the Koozastanis to abandon their legendary devotion to traditional democratic values. Neighboring Kyrzakhstan will invite Chinese technicians to assist with their arms program in order to better protect themselves as Koozastan forms an anti-American, anti-Israeli, anti-Gay pro-Islamic alliance with the similarly-disaffected Grand Dutchy of Fenwick.
  • Layoffs at General Motors may negatively affect maintenance at the dealership levels to the extent that the Chevy Volt fleet could suffer a spate of battery fires leading to disabling explosions in at least two dozen of the vehicles—which is all of them.
  • George Soros is forced to new levels of parsimony necessitating that several hundred left-leaning “news” operations he keeps afloat are forced to declare bankruptcy and allow themselves to be acquired by Al Jazeera, although the resultant alterations in tone and theme are so minor as to pass practically unnoticed amid the surrounding chaos.
  • The President is forced to cancel his domestic drone surveillance program which results in an avalanche of crime, tea-party-related acts of domestic flag waving, Bernie Madoff-style copy-cat ponzi schemes as well as an epidemic of major and minor driving violations, schoolyard bullying incidents, cruelty to animals and littering. Detroit will secede from the Union.
  • Michelle valiantly rallies the people, embodying the new economic normal by making extra money for the budget by performing as a mime in downtown DC, Joe Biden gets a part time job.

    First Lady will unselfishly perform as mime!

    First Lady will unselfishly perform as mime!

  • And finally, as his own sacrifice in trying times, President Obama gives up his beloved hobby of skeet shooting owing to the high cost of shotgun shells. Instead, he has a tube run up his leg into the ejection port of his shotgun so that a Secret Service agent can blow cigar smoke out the barrel, yielding at least the same satisfying after effect as busting a few clays!

    Gosh--it looks just like the last photo!

    Gosh–it looks just like the last photo!

But all that said, here’s the really bad news, Wooferians: Even if sequestration turns out to be every bit this bad (which it won’t) there is something a whole lot worse coming and nobody’s mentioning it! Did you ever see the British horror epic “Gorgo?” That was a good film. It’s like Godzilla, only it’s Gorgo, and it happens in London, not Tokyo. Anyway, they think they have this gigantic dinosaur and it runs amok for a while and squishes some tanks and double-decker busses while the army shoots tracers at it, in the grand tradition,–but they finally subdue it, and then they realize it’s only a baby—and mom is coming and is she ever mad!

Holy mother of Gorgo!

Coming in March!

Coming in March!

See, you may have noticed that President Obama never bothers with budgets—the Constitution says he needs one approved every year, but the Great Helmsman doesn’t like the Constitution so he ignores the rules, and the Liberal Media Establishment never notices this, because it has the collective IQ of a cumquat, except for those few who are actually sentient, and they’re Marxists—but lumbering toward even the media’s edge of perception comes now Big Momma the Real Budgetary Crisis…Grrr! So Congress will have to pass yet another continual resolution—and this one is slated to be heavier on defense funding unless they try to negotiate a shift, so it could get really interesting just kicking the can down the road—and then, ultimately, if that should succeed, we’ll need another continuing resolution to have any money at all, because somebody—guess who– just can’t get around to coming up with a budget. And congress will have to grapple with this onrushing crisis and get a resolution of continuance passed by the end of March—or yikes! (You know the long form by now, right?) So please don’t sweat sequestration, dear readers—its peanuts compared to the budgetary surprise party President Obama has scheduled for a month from now! Did we mention it’s the Republicans’ fault? We may even have to cancel Saint Patrick’s Day at this rate! Say, is that racist?

christine-odonnell

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COMMIE SPACE SPIES RUN AMOK AT NASA; HOLDER RUNS INTERFERENCE!

In "Rocketeers" forum on February 23, 2013 at 4:09 pm
Mister, we could use a man like Kane Richmond again!

Mister, we could use a man like Kane Richmond again!

Not since the betrayals of  CIA turncoats Harold J. Nicholson and Aldrich Ames (both of whom should have been shot on the White House lawn for treason) has so chilling a breach of American security occurred as that which currently involves NASA, and which the Obama White House is blocking from further investigation. Not even the betrayal of American nuclear secrets to the Red Chinese at the behest of the Clintons in the late ‘90s, when Chinese agents were permitted free run of the Los Alamos facility with the tacit approval of Clinton’s subversive Secretary of Energy Hazel O’Leary (who should have been stood up on the White House lawn—and–well, you know) compares to the current imbroglio—and instead of Sandy Berger making off with the evidence shoved in his jockey shorts, we now have America’s most highly situated gun-runner, Eric Holder, blocking the FBI from pursuing the truth!

How long do you suppose he could hold a straight face? We bet he fell on the floor laughing as soon as he heard the shutter click!

How long do you suppose he could hold a straight face? We bet he fell on the floor laughing as soon as he heard the shutter click!

For five years the FBI has been hard on the trail of a nefarious gang of traitors leaking American weapons secrets to the Communist Chinese from the Ames Research Center, a subsidiary NASA endeavor located in Silicon Valley. The hardworking men and women of the Federal Bureau of Investigation had amassed considerable evidence to this effect, and obtained the testimony of several informants, who were prepared to appear as witnesses before a secret grand jury proceeding that was to have taken place this g men vs phantom legionmonth, February, but which WOOF has learned did not convene because of direct intervention by the Obama Regime. In fact, the case was developed under the capable guidance of valiant and energetic prosecutor, Gary Fry, the Assistant U.S. Attorney General for the Northern District of California who most recently made headlines for his interdiction of a massive smuggling deal  involving Nguessan Yao’s plot to run 2 million dollars worth of guns and explosives to his native Ivory Coast. One of Fry’s key witnesses was to be a Chief Engineer for NASA, but that individual’s availability is now questionable, and the worthy Fry has been inexplicably removed from the case, and transferred by the Justice Department. Fry has not to date confirmed this for WOOF, and has been equally taciturn with more conventional news sources, we are told. FOX news reported this morning that the case now appears to be stalled, so WOOF has decided to bring it to light based on what we have been told, and we have been able to glean from sources.

Fearless spy chaser and technology reporter Jeremy Kaplan did pretty well on this story without any help from WOOF--honest!

Fearless spy chaser and technology reporter Jeremy Kaplan did pretty well on this story without any help from WOOF–honest!

What we know for certain is that foreign nationals working at the Ames lab appear to have been leaking top secret missile technology to the Chinese. This leakage of vital strategic secrets has been ongoing for at least five years. Meanwhile, it appears that reporters Jeremy Kaplan and Judson Berger of FOX news has located a “whistleblower” who claims that the secret technologies already delivered into the hands of the Chinese Reds include material so exotic and sensitive that when mentioned to the Armed Services Committee “their jaws dropped.” (WOOF is anxious here to credit the FOX reporters with this aspect of the story, which they developed without any assistance from us!)

What WOOF is certain of at this point is that the Justice Depratment under Eric Holder has gone out of its way to interfere with the FBI enquiry into the matter, as well as the proceedings initiated by its own functionaries, including Fry, and his replacement, U.S. Attorney Melinda Haaag, who replaced Fry as spy casesthe case prosecutor. And while WOOF’s sources in this regard are adamant, and WOOF therefore equally adamant, the case for a DOJ effort to block the investigation has been strengthened to an even greater extent by the involvement of two United States congressmen, namely Lamar Smith of Texas, and Frank Wolf of Virginia—both Republicans, who are in touch with highly placed informants within the Justice and Energy departments as well as various Law Enforcement authorities. These sources corroborate WOOF’s understanding of the situation: That repeated requests for indictments and permission to proceed with prosecutory actions in this shocking case have been consistently and mysteriously denied by the Department of Justice at the direction of Eric Holder, who has instead directed his department’s main attentions and resources be focused on suing a bicyclist named Armstrong who evidently won some bicycle races by cheating.

U.S. Attorney Haag--who was appointed by Obama in 2010, denies encountering obstruction...from Obama?

U.S. Attorney Haag–who was appointed by Obama in 2010, denies encountering obstruction…from Obama?

Melinda Haag, for her part, has also insisted that no obstruction has come from her boss, (that would be the afore-mentioned Eric Holder), telling the members of congress that she was “aware of allegations our office sought authority from DOJ in Washington, D.C. to bring charges in a particular matter and that our request was denied. Those allegations are untrue. No such request was made and no such denial was received.” Clearly, Miss Haag speaks at the direction of the Attorney General, and her denial in this context simply confirms the opposing point! As if to emphasize this fact, Congressmen Smith and Wolf assured FOX News that Haag’s demurral conflicted with their information. Ever the optimists, the congressmen wrote a letter to DOJ in their respective capacities as Chairman of the House Appropriations Commerce, Justice, and Science Subcommittee (Wolf) and Chairman of the House Science, Space, and Technology Committee (Smith), which was cc’ed to Robert Mueller at the FBI and NASA’s Inspector General, Michael Horowitz. The letter demanded explanations of the delayed Department of Justice investigation at the AmesResearchCenter. WOOF is now in possession of a copy of this letter, which reads in part:

Rep Lamar Smith seems to ponder an example of top secret super tech!

Rep Lamar Smith seems to ponder an example of top secret super tech!

 “We have been told by sources close to this investigation that the FBI’s case is substantially complete and was referred to the U.S. Attorney for the Northern District of California for prosecution, but it has been stalled for more than a year and that an assistant U.S. attorney was reassigned from the case. It is our understanding that the charges in this case are rapidly running up against the statute of limitations, and that the first charge expired on December 15, 2012” —We are very concerned to learn earlier this week that despite the U.S. Attorney’s request for permission from the Justice Department to proceed with indictments, this request was recently denied without explanation, despite the backing of both the FBI and the U.S. Attorney’s office.It is our understanding that this illegal technology transfer may have involved classified Defense Department weapons system technology to foreign countries, including China, potentially with the tacit or direct approval of the center’s leadership. We are deeply concerned that political pressure may be a factor and are formally requesting an investigation into the circumstances of the Justice Department’s actions with regard to this case.” — Rep. Frank Wolf and Rep. Lamar Smith

Rep Frank Wolf, letter's co-author, trying to take Holder DOJ seriously?

Rep Frank Wolf, letter’s co-author, trying to take Holder DOJ seriously?

That the Department of Justice intends to sandbag this issue is made manifest by their response. Spokesman Rob Storch commented, on behalf of the DOJ’s Inspector General’s office that, “We are evaluating the letter.” Well, you just read the letter, Woofketeers—does it seem to require a whole bunch of evaluation? How about a whole bunch of answering, instead, Mr. Storch?

Chinese spymasters encouraged by the Regime.

Chinese spymasters encouraged by the Regime.

At this point, the question becomes, why is the Obama Administration running interference for spies stealing American space and defense technology from NASA? And to thicken the plot a bit more, consider this: The Ames Research Center is not merely a NASA instillation, it also leases space to a super secret and ultra-mysterious organization known merely as “SpaceX,” and equally odd is the fact that 42 acres of the complex is leased to Google! Did you know that Google maintains a holding company named “Planetary Ventures?” That’s right. WOOF is not making this up! Sen. Charles Grassley, R-Iowa, has also contacted NASA to relate his concerns that going back as far as 2006, the AmesCenter’s Director, “Pete” Wordon, collaborated with a mysterious British National named Will Marshall to leak American military and space technology to China. WOOF also learned that Marshall was recently stopped at an American airport where Homeland Security confiscated a NASA computer in his possession. Apparently, the warrants sought by Fry may have named these two individuals, before the effort was shot down by Attorney General Holder and his henchmen at the Obama Justice Department—quite probably the same group that planned the sale of American weapons to murderous Mexican drug cartels in the now-infamous “Fast and Furious” operation. In that case, the intent was to manufacture cross-border violence using illegally obtained American weapons so that Holder and his co-conspirators could act to repeal the 2nd Amendment. But what is their purpose in facilitating the transfer of super-secret defense technology to the Communist Chinese?

Say "cheese," Comrade!

Say “cheese,” Comrade!

Obviously, it serves the interest of Obama’s presidency to leak secrets to the Communists, the President’s sentiments lying clearly in that direction. Further, Obama’s manifest disdain for the American military and his ardor to reduce our military forces to inutility are well known. In and of itself, then, the Ames outrage serves his treasonable purpose as well as Holder’s, Obama’s like-minded co-conspirator. Obstructing the FBI investigation and transferring a capable U.S. attorney to Podunk may seem like oddly irresolute methods of conducting a transfer of American power to the Communist East—but bear in mind that the statutes of limitations are rapidly expiring on these crimes, meaning that soon the perpetrators will be free to go teach at Ivy League Universities or host programs on MSNBC.

Here's a cost saver--don't use rockets--just teleport via jump room!

Here’s a cost saver–don’t use rockets–just teleport via jump room!

But what if there is an additional wrinkle in this unsettling fabric? Remember, we are dealing with organizations called “SpaceX” and “Planetary Ventures.”  Could there be an extra-terrestrial connection here? Readers of WOOF’s “Science and the Paranormal” forum already realize that Barack Obama’s early years as part of Project Pegasus, during which he was transported at least twice to the Martian surface according to whistle blowers Andrew D. Basiago, a 50-year-old successful attorney of long-standing in Vancouver Washington, and William Stillings, a 44-year old United States Navy veteran and bio-tech expert from Virginia.  Both men vividly recall knowing young “Barry Soetoro” as a fellow traveler (you should forgive the expression) during their sojourns on the Red Planet at the behest of DARPA and the CIA.  The young recruits for the DARPA/CIA mars program were transported from a teleportation room called “the jump room” located in El Segundo, California.  If you doubt the authenticity of such claims, WOOF fully sympathizes—but bear in mind that the Obama administration has officially denied them via Regime mouthpiece Tommy Vietor, spokesman for the National Security Council. Are you convinced now?

Basagio--respected attorney, whistleblower, chrononaut

Andrew Basiago–respected attorney, whistle blower  chrononaut

So what is the possibility that this “jump room technology” is either amongst the technologies stolen from, or the technologies most protected at the Ames Institute facility? Obviously the President’s identity as a Project Pegasus Chrononaut, taken together with the possibility that his actual birth certificate, masters thesis, college grades, and selective-service registration have been hidden on the Red Planet, would constitute motivation for keeping the FBI and the Justice Department away from the facts! Consider that El Segundo is only a five hour drive from Silicon Valley.

obama marss

But if that’s all too much to consider, forget it! Just focus on the fact that missile technology, F-35 secrets, kinetic weapon blueprints, Star Wars designs, and a host of other military and space technologies were sold down the river (or simply handed over) to the Red Chinese, and the Obama administration for whatever reason, has chosen not only to obstruct the investigation, but to ensure that the perpetrators come away unscathed. WOOF encourages all right-thinking Americans to contact their congressional representatives and demand that the brave men and women of the FBI and the honest remnant within the Department of Justice be permitted to finish the job, plug the leaks, and save what remains of our defense establishment!  To arms, America, while we still have any!

America's F-35-- hey, maybe they stole plans for how to make the parts that don't work right!

America’s F-35– hey, maybe they stole plans for how to make the parts that don’t work right anyway!

THE GREAT OBAMA TRANSPARENCY MELTDOWN (and how to see right through it!)

In "Unfinished Waffles" forum on February 21, 2013 at 5:28 pm

invisble man 2

Let us explain what happened, here, gentle readers, because it is the finest example thus far of an event involving Dear Leader and his lapdog media that is simultaneously too hilarious to constrain ourselves from guffawing at, and too demoralizing to take as lightly as we’d prefer. Let’s review, shall we? It was April of 2011 before the President of the United States got around to releasing the long form of his birth certificate, purportedly proving he was born in Hawaii. By that time national polls showed that a quarter of adult Americans doubted Obama’s word that he had been born in the United States. Yet the Leftist Establishment Media never launched the slightest enquiry into the bizarre absence of a long form certificate, nor made any attempt to request a physical copy after the image of the certificate was published by the White House. WOOF has no position as to whether the President is an American or not, unless of course one judges such matters behaviorally, in which case he is definitely not an American—but that’s a different story. You can’t grow up mentored by Frank Marshall Davis, after all, and not act out a little! For now, suffice it that nobody in “mainstream” journalism ever showed the slightest curiosity about the matter—nor ever interviewed anybody who knew the President in Hawaii, nor ever found the doctor who birthed him, nor a nurse who was present, nor any Hawaiian who remembered meeting him or going to kindergarten with him or seeing him as an infant—but maybe that’s just because they never looked.  Perhaps Obama was born in Hawaii and simply kept to himself a lot—all WOOF can say for sure is that a similar controversy involving the birth of Republican politician seeking the highest office would have been exhaustive and shrill—the establishment media would have made today’s “birthers” look positively decorous by comparison.

You can't see the original--but you can get  a copy on a coffee mug!

You can’t see the original–but you can get a copy on a coffee mug!

Prior to his election it transpired that candidate Obama had spent 20 years sitting in Jeremiah Wright’s racist, ant-American church, listening to Wright rave and rant about Liberation Theology (which is a communist interpretation of the New Testament). Wright married Barack to Michelle. He baptized each of their children. He was and presumably still is the children’s Godfather. In 2007, Wright was appointed to

Jeremiah Wright--godfather, spiritual mentor, preacher, and evident stranger!

Jeremiah Wright–godfather, spiritual mentor, preacher, and evident stranger!

Barack Obama’s African American Religious Leadership Committee—essentially a ploy to win support for Obama’s coming election bid. Obama also named his first autobiography after a phrase of Wright’s, and quoted Wright extensively in his second autobiography (our Beloved Leader having written two prior even to winning the presidency). Among the elements of Wright’s sermons that Obama quoted in his book are blatherings about the white man’s greed that candidate Obama claimed never to have heard. In fact, after sitting in Wright’s Trinity United Church of Christ for 20 years, nodding like a bobble doll, Candidate Obama claimed never to have heard any of the anti-American rantings with which the man he called his spiritual adviser repeatedly regaled his parishioners—and the Establishment Media shrugged and declared skepticism akin to racism.

Van Jones, former Obama functionary, lifelong communist.

Van Jones, former Obama functionary, lifelong communist. That’s a “bro fist,” right, Van?

Fast forward to the Obama Presidency. Our Beloved Helmsman has made countless cronies and fellow travelers, many of them known Communists, into “czars,” which is to say, de facto cabinet members, thus dodging the advice and consent of the U.S. Senate mandated in the Constitution. These individuals receive independent funding and wield tremendous power, but go totally unchallenged by the Liberal Media Establishment. In fact, when known (and self-professing) communist Van Jones was finally given the gate, it was because he turned out to be a 911 “Truther,” not because he was an active constituent of the Communist conspiracy to destroy America—nobody minded that part!

Never let a crisis go to waste! Deepwater Horizon pollutes the Gulf--Obama  recommends the Chevy Volt.

Never let a crisis go to waste! Deepwater Horizon pollutes the Gulf–Obama recommends the Chevy Volt.

During his first term, Obama responded to an oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico by ordering a moratorium on all offshore drilling in the Gulf, and both the Atlantic and the Pacific oceans. He also prohibited any new drilling on federal land in any of the United States. This is utterly unconstitutional, of course, and Federal Judge Martin Feldman said so, declaring from the bench that the President could not use the Department of the Interior to wield such power, The court issued an order lifting the moratorium, but the President ignored it. A Presidency in contempt of a federal court, especially one who is driving up the price of gasoline in the process, would typically excite the press into a feeding frenzy, yet not a word was spoken (or is spoken) about this situation by the talking heads of the lapdog Left. Similarly, the President’s job-killing decision to prohibit the Keystone Pipeline project is a usurpation of the powers of congress, yet the press barely gave this travesty a glance.

To be perfectly honest, these babies ain't going nowhere!

“To be perfectly honest, these babies ain’t going nowhere!”

When the President shrugged off his constitutional duty to defend our borders and enforce our laws by opening our southern borders to invasion, refusing to allow enforcement of the law on Federal land in Arizona and other states. He ordered the border patrols to overlook illegal entry into the country and put a halt to deportation proceedings, all without congressional approval. Nobody in the media blinked. Instead they went after Governor Jan Brewer for attempting to enforce federal laws already on the books. He then illegally conjoined the United States with Mexico in lawsuits against his own country (Arizona, that is to say) and the media worried about Sarah Palin.

Governor Brewer explains reality to Our Beloved Helmsman--it didn't take.

Governor Brewer explains reality to Our Beloved Helmsman–it didn’t take.

The President single-handedly dismissed the Defense of Marriage Act (passed by the Congress), calling it unconstitutional, (thus becoming his own Supreme Court as well as his own congress)  and further declared that he would not allow the Justice Department to uphold it or defend it against legal suits. The Justice Department was busy anyway, through the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms, running guns illegally to drug cartels in Mexico so they would kill Americans with them and give the Administration a chance to insist that the Second Amendment be done away with in response—but this murderous plot to dissolve one of the original ten amendments in a sea of blood and deception, met with no curiosity whatsoever from the American media—and Eric Holder is still Attorney General.

Border violence courtesy of "Fast and Furious" --which most Americans still think is a Chuck Norris movie.

Border violence courtesy of “Fast and Furious” –which most Americans still think is a Chuck Norris movie.

The United States was taken to war in Libya without any congressional authority, and this resulted in the military defeat and ouster of Muammar Qadhafi, who was not actively exporting terror and had given up his nuclear program, so that he could be beaten and shot to death and replaced by radical Islamic leaders who were eager to export terror and who sat on their thumbs while our consulate in Benghazi was burned and four Americans slaughtered, including the Ambassador to Libya. Compounding this travesty, Obama and Hillary sat on their thumbs too—in fact, nobody is sure where they even were during the crisis. It is known that help was consistently refused the embassy personnel during the six hour battle that resulted in the Ambassador’s demise, and nobody in the American media has ever asked the President to account for this, or explain where he was during the crisis.

Ambassador Stevens was a close friend of Hillary Clinton's-- but "what difference, at this point, does it make?".

Ambassador Stevens was a close friend of Hillary Clinton’s– but “what difference, at this point, does it make?”

The First Amendment has always offended Our Beloved Leader, who more than once warned against watching FOX news, attempting to exclude the network from press availabilities. He also cautioned a crowd that Rush Limbaugh as somebody you shouldn’t listen to if you wanted to do business in WashingtonDC. Even during his 2008 campaign, Barack Obama tossed journalists off his airplane (okay it was on the ground at the time, but nevertheless) with whose newspapers or networks he disagreed—while the other reporters huddled voicelessly, evidently intent on keeping their own seats.

What does this man have in common with journalists whose papers criticize Obama? They've all been kicked off airplanes!

What does this man have in common with journalists whose papers criticize Obama? They’ve all been kicked off airplanes!

Have we made our point? Examples of the press ignoring what would normally be causes of obsessive, ceaseless, caterwauling simply because they emanated from Dear Leader’s White House could fill volumes. But shout huzzah, beloved readers, because this is all about to change! The press has finally decided to demand access, to insist on accountability, and the word of the day is transparency, WOOFketeers!  Yes indeed, the demand for transparency is finally heard abroad in the land! And what brought this happy event about? What was the final enormity, the ultimate depredation, the last proverbial straw?  Why, Tiger Woods, of course. Got that? It was nothing we’ve discussed here that turned the press, however briefly, on Obama—it was the jilted lovers’ hissy fit they threw when the object of all their devotions went golfing without them.

Tiger seems more transparent than his golfing partner--what's with that?

Tiger seems more transparent than his golfing partner–what’s with that?

You could call it Golfgate, we suppose; the awful moment in which the President’s abuse of power became more than even the American Media could bear! Rick Blum of the Sunshine in Government Initiative (SIGI?) actually bestirred himself to complain about the fact that President Obama went golfing with champion golfer and well known sex addict Tiger Woods and didn’t invite the press. “As the president, you cannot just disappear for four days,” Blum insisted—oblivious, seemingly, of the fact that disappearing for four days with Tiger is in no respect a violation of the Constitution, unlike everything else we’ve covered! Even the perpetually breathless Anne Compton, who follows the President adoringly for ABC News, gasping melodramatically about his every utterance or action, paused to grouse, “The way the president’s availability to the press has shrunk in the last two years is a disgrace. … This White House goes to extreme lengths to keep the press away.” Yes, Anne, and only the First Marxist could enjoy the most fulsomely sycophantic press coverage in Presidential history and still consider reporters a threat to his image.

Anne Compton misses a gold date and experiences a momentary spat of criticality? At long last, Mr. President, where's your sense of transparency?

Anne Compton misses a golf date and experiences a momentary spat of criticality? At long last, Mr. President, where’s your sense of transparency?

The newly militant Washington Press Corpse demanded answers from Press Secretary Jay Carney, boy propagandist, and Carney was swift to address their concerns, telling them that President Obama actually holds many more press conferences than George Bush ever did, which is an unvarnished lie, but nobody blinked.  So there you have it, fellow Wooferians, a wave of protest and rebellion among the vast membership of the Liberal Establishment Media, because the object of their adoration neglected to take them golfing. It won’t last long, of course—because today’s journalists are not interested in holding grudges against their obsessive love interest any more than they are interested in investigative journalism. They will be bought off by some smiles and ameliorative language from their Beloved, and return to running interference for his every outrage. Could we expect more? And thus will pass the great transparency howl– you need give it no further thought–rest assured the media won’t!WOOF PRINT

Media default position--J. Fred Muggs, please call your office!

Media default position–J. Fred Muggs, please call your office!

WOOF under sneak cyber attack– pummeled by relentless hacking and jamming!

In "Terry and the Pirates" forum on February 19, 2013 at 6:36 pm

tinfoil dog

That’s right, fellow Patriots, while you lounged about assuming that we here at Watchdogs of Our Freedom were simply taking a break, we were hunkered down in our secret cave location fighting a terror from above so insidious that we initially assumed it was the work of the Obama Regime, zapping our technological assets and combing our caverns with powerful electronic suctioning waves causing modular discordance while pilfering stored data. Our first suspicion was that an attack of this magnitude might emanate from a hovering HALE-D super blimp, (the secret airship jointly developed by the United States Army, the United States Air Force’s Missile Defense Command and Lockheed Martin but WOOF knows about it anyway) or possibly the more sophisticated and ultra-super secret triangular, nuclear powered TR-3B, so secret in fact that WOOF really doesn’t know about it, but we hear it’s pretty secret. Anyway…

t3r

The super-secret TR3B–possibly nuclear powered–called a myth by the government; but WOOF sees them all the time!

After 48 hours of cyberspacial counterintelligence efforts it began to seem apparent to our experts that the Obama Regime, though subversive,  was innocent of any first hand involvement. Following the obvious algorithm, we next looked into the possibility that ultraterrestrial or extraterrestrial craft were complicit in relentlessly bombarding our computer systems with life-siphoning magno-sonic inversion beams that corrupted our hard drives, lifted vital information into the ether, and threatened to pollute our precious bodily fluids. Oddly, there was no trace of this either, as our UFO detection equipment remained silent and showed no signs of having been “spoofed” by Aliens or interdimensional transmogrifications of the type usually associated with such raids. And yet our equipment continued to be degraded, compromised, and drained of information. Boy, were we getting hacked! (Get it?)

Many do not realize that UFO-related scanning is the single greatest cause of computer malfunctions and crashes!

Many do not realize that UFO-related scanning is the single greatest cause of computer malfunctions and crashes!

So anyway, it turned out that the insidious Chinese Communists were behind the whole thing—we could have kicked ourselves for not figuring it out in the first place. We traced their interference back to the their infamous Unit 61398 facilities in Shanghai—after considerable effort, retro-formulating the transmissive frequencies of the influx as they were refracted off the ionosphere and redirected toward a series of inter-phased computer terminals behind the bamboo curtain, we ascertained the location of the offending agency headquartered at the Chinese People’s Liberation Army strategic cyber command, 3rd department of the General Staff. This is a massive headquarters building, 12 stories tall, staffed by hundreds, conceivably even thousands of dedicated Chicom cyberspacial saboteurs. It was first discovered on our satellite imagery in 2007. Unit 61398 is located at Datong Road 208 within the Pudong New Area of Shanghai. Check it out on Google Earth!

Suddenly, the source of interference was starkly clear!

Suddenly, the source of interference was starkly clear!

It is known that the 3rd Department has a combined focus on signals intelligence, foreign language proficiency, and defense information. Obviously, this makes WOOF a prime target for their fiendish machinations, and target us they did, extensively damaging our memory banks, lifting our emails, compromising our access codes and corrupting at least one Ed Wood film collection on disc. The resultant chaos obliged us to take leave of the web briefly, and we know that many of you felt rudderless and unsupported during this time, but we are here now, dear readers and fellow patriots, working with our freshly reconstituted computerized resources, bringing you the shocking truth regarding this dastardly Chinese Communist assault on our instrumentation and your First Amendment rights!

Sinister Red Chinese hackers work tirelessly in Shanghai to bollix WOOF and other freedom-loving organizations!

Sinister Red Chinese hackers work tirelessly in Shanghai to bollix WOOF and other freedom-loving organizations!

Nor was WOOF the only target of these massive attacks. Many defense and commercial industries were similarly assailed. Nor does WOOF wish to hog all the credit for determining the source of these attacks. Generous as always, we hasten to salute the hard working folks at the Mandiant Corporation who were retained by several concerned organizations to investigate these cyber-attacks (while WOOF preferred to carry out its own investigation) and who independently, without any help or input from us, came to most of the same conclusions as we here at WOOF. In fact, Mandiant estimates that the current battle order of the Chinese cyber-attack groups comprises over 1,000 servers. Mandiant also remarks in a recent report that this unit is supported by “linguists, open source researchers, malware authors, industry experts who translate task requests from requestors to the operators, and people who then transmit stolen information to the requestors” (www.mandiant.com). Needless to say, WOOF has vociferously expressed its displeasure at the disruption of our systems by the Chinese Communist government. In response, the Chinese Defense Ministry has responded, telling us that “It is unprofessional and groundless to accuse the Chinese military of launching cyber attacks without any conclusive evidence.” How’s that for a response? When you think about it, they’re telling us we can’t fairly accuse them of anything they clearly got away with! Well those folks at Mandiant came up with a memo from the Chinese telecommunication provider that clearly supplies communication links to the very building in which WOOF discovered the Liberation Army doing its dirty work, and the memo says in no uncertain terms that the unit will “smoothly accomplish this task for the military based on the principle that national defense construction is important.” So how’s that for proof, Chinese Defense Ministry? Hmmm?

FACT: Chinese diplomats who double as spies often communicate with each other by using subtle hand signs!

FACT: Chinese diplomats who double as spies often communicate with each other by using subtle hand signs!

Don’t doubt for a moment, readers, that WOOF has also complained to its elected officials about this unwarranted (okay, maybe slightly warranted) Communist intrusion into our cyberspace, and as you might have supposed, both Democrats and Republicans are in firm agreement on the point that powerful legislation is needed, especially to protect the National electric grid, but also to protect all American corporations from Chinese cyber theft and tampering. As our savvy and well educated readership is aware, this means that congress has no clue what to do about any of this.

But as for us, we here at WOOF are back, and feistier than ever, ready to strike the next blow against Red aggression in our own back yard, and around the world! So stay on your toes down there in Shanghai, you never know what kind of payback we may be cooking up in our fabulous Science and Technology Directorate! As soon as we replace a few more cathode tubes, we’ll be ready to take you on, comrades! And America, please excuse our absence—we have improvised, adapted, and overcome! And now we need to get back to the important .business of saving the Constitution for the American people!

WOOF fearlessly prepares to strike back!

WOOF fearlessly prepares to strike back!

Breakfast with Ben and Barack

In "Unfinished Waffles" forum on February 10, 2013 at 6:13 am
Obama was livelier at breakfast back in 2008 when a reporter asked him a question in Pennsylvania diner and he snapped, "Can I just finish my waffle?"

Obama was livelier at breakfast back in 2008 when a reporter asked him a question in a Pennsylvania diner and he snapped, “Can I just finish my waffle?”

You don’t have to be a secular humanist to find the Annual Prayer Breakfast boring—it’s been boring for decades. In case you’re not up on the details, suffice it that the Breakfast was founded in 1953 by the equally boring Abraham Vereide, a staunch Methodist clergyman who emigrated (legally) from Norway and founded Goodwill Industries in Seattle. Every president since Dwight David Eisenhower has participated in the Breakfast, which has somehow been passed over thus far by the despisers of America’s Judeo/Christian heritage who so energetically scour the nation’s courthouses for Christian symbols or inscriptions requiring removal in the name of the first amendment, or declare themselves psychologically damaged by the knowledge that children are somewhere pledging allegiance to a nation “under God” in federally subsidized classrooms.  In stark contrast to the secularist groundswell that ripped the ten commandments out of Judge Roy Moore’s courthouse in 2003, or which just recently inspired Louisiana State University to airbrush away the crosses worn on the necks of “the painted posse,” a cheer-leading faction of football fans who paint their bodies with LSU colors but who cannot, evidently, be seen in LSU email advertisements with their Christian identities shamelessly exhibited, the annual Prayer Breakfast has simply gone on year after year without much harassment from the Left, partially because it is so boresomely unremarkable that almost nobody notices it, and partially because it gives Democratic presidents a chance to look at least vaguely religious for the voters.

Yuk, grapefruit? Even JFK couldn't spice up the prayer breakfast.

Yuk, grapefruit? Even JFK couldn’t spice up the prayer breakfast.

The breakfast is held each year at this time in the Ballroom of the D.C. Hilton and typically draws around 3,500 guests including foreign dignitaries, social butterflies, and massive numbers of politicians who would clearly prefer to be elsewhere. It is newsworthy only insofar as it exists and occurs—year after year speakers as varied as Tony Blair, Bono, and Mother Teresa have key-noted the festivities. In fact, the last time anyone can recall the National Prayer Breakfast being in any true respect noteworthy was way back in the early ‘70s when Senator Mark Hatfield got up in front of Nixon and Kissinger to denounce the war in Vietnam as a “national sin.”  As might be expected, Dick and Henry looked less than pleased with Senator Hatfield’s remarks, which fact drove the Left into paroxysms of glee. Observers of the phenomenon of “speaking truth to power” will have noticed that this stylish rhetorical technique is practiced solely by Liberals who denounce sitting-duck media targets thus winning plaudits for their moral courage. With the most leftwing Liberal politician in Congress now firmly ensconced in the White House, there was certainly no reason to expect nixon hippyfireworks—in fact the Press Corpse assigned only one pool reporter to the affair. Why should everyone suffer through such theocratic bilge with no discernible payoff in the way of a scoop?

 

Praying that the Nicorette kicks in....

Praying that the Nicorette kicks in….

Obama, who intensely dislikes early mornings, appeared intensely fatigued, and sources tell WOOF that he was popping Nicorette gum serially, fighting to remain conscious during a breakfast that began at the unconscionably early hour of 7:55.  Even with Nicorette wedged tightly in cheek, the President was clearly fighting the impulsion to nod off during the predictably lackluster warmup speakers, and most notably while opera singer Andrea Bocelli, –who popped up in a charcoal grey suit out of the rows of breakfasters– rendered a threnodial version of “Ombra mai fu” which is an aria from an unpopular opera (“Serse”) by Handel, and which is, perhaps not unfittingly, an impassioned ode to a plant.

Ode to a plant? An opera for rappin' preezy.

Ode to a plant? An opera for rappin’ preezy.

And then came Dr. Benjamin S. Carson, famed neurosurgeon at Johns Hopkins Hospital, who must have looked good to the White House on paper, he having been the subject of a Hollywood film in which he was portrayed by no less a liberal than Cuba Gooding Jr. And didn’t Mr. Gooding high-five the Dear Leader only last year at the Congressional Black Caucus Foundation’s Annual Phoenix Awards?  And the movie “Gifted Hands: The Ben Carson Story,” was ballyhooed by the elites as a gritty portrayal of a black man’s rise to fame and high position despite, you know, racism and stuff, and Dr. Carson seemed like a good bet to drone away about the “struggle” and all that remained wrong and unfinished with the American dream. But the problem with successful Black Americans who make it to the top on the basis of their own merits, talents, and education is that while most of the time you get a good solid clone of say, Octavia Spencer, or Don Cheadle, sometimes things go a bit haywire and out pops some aberration like Herman Caine or Nicki Manaj, obliging the African American “community” (once cued by the White Liberal Elites) to collectively scratch its head and give full-throated voice to its displeasure lest more souls be lost.

Jim Crow outrage? No, just the White Left declaring open season on Condi.

Jim Crow outrage? No, just the White Left declaring open season on Condi.

But the problem with Dr. Benjamin Carson was not so much that he came at Obama from out of the sun, or that he seemed to be some Tomming ingrate Oreo (you know, like that Michael Steele guy—or even that terrible Condoleezza Rice woman), no, the real problem with Carson was that he didn’t have anything political to say at all during his key note speech. Not in any strict sense, anyhow. He didn’t discuss the recent election, or make negative comments about this or that political figure—he didn’t need to. He had more macrocosmic things on his mind. In broad terms he wished to discuss freedom, God, America, and common sense. Can you think of a better way to wreck breakfast for the President and his crew?

Dr. Carson begins-- Our Beloved Helmsman notes a tone of discord.

Dr. Carson begins– Our Beloved Helmsman notes a tone of discord.

Dr. Carson limited himself to 25 minutes of speaking time, during which he addressed issues of faith (mentioning Jesus Christ by name, which is a bold move inside the    beltway, even at a prayer breakfast), and then moved on to the topic of healthcare. Dr. Carson might be presumed to know a thing or two about health care, because he lives it on a daily basis—so seeing him turn his attention thence was not in itself disconcerting. One might easily anticipate that he would voice positive sentiments about the impending “Affordable Healthcare Act” –but what he had to say was, reasonably summarized, damnatory.  At the outset of his remarks, Dr. Carson expressed a thoroughgoing contempt for political correctness, which he described as “a horrible thing” the effect of which is to stultify free speech and inhibit creative thought and expression. He called on all Americans to shed their fears—to speak out as they saw fit, insisting that, “We’ve reached a point where people are actually afraid to talk about what they want to say, because somebody might be offended. We’ve got to get over this sensitivity…it keeps people from saying what they really believe.”

A better prescription from a real doctor!

A better prescription from a real doctor!

Having thus positioned himself, Carson dug into the concept of excessive taxation. “What we need to do,” he said, “ is come up with something simple. And when I pick up my Bible, you know what I see? I see the fairest individual in the universe, God, and he’s given us a system. It’s called a tithe.”  A tithe? Well, yes—a flat tax is the secular version of the idea, but the Bible calls it tithing.  Of course a tithe goes to the Church whereas a flat rate goes to the government, but think of the welcome simplification such a system would immediately engender.  Think of the bureaucracies of accountants, inquisitors, lawyers and IRS agents who would have to seek honest employment.  Dr. Carson continued, “We don’t necessarily have to do 10% but it’s the principle. He didn’t say if your crops fail, don’t give me any tithe or if you have a bumper crop, give me triple tithe. So there must be something inherently fair about proportionality. You make $10 billion, you put in a billion. You make $10 you put in one. Of course you’ve got to get rid of the loopholes. Some people say, ‘Well that’s not fair because it doesn’t hurt the guy who made $10 billion as much as the guy who made 10.’ Where does it say you’ve got to hurt the guy? He just put a billion dollars in the pot. We don’t need to hurt him. It’s that kind of thinking that has resulted in 602 banks in the Cayman Islands. That money needs to be back here building our infrastructure and creating jobs.”

Kerry signals the press!

Kerry signals the press!

Obama at this juncture appeared taught-jawed and tense, no longer somnolent. John Kerry began yawning histrionically as if to say “nothing to see here, folks!” to the media’s pool reporter who might need a reminder that this was fast becoming a non-event, which reminder he took to heart by the way– while Joe Biden sat staring into the crowd with that expression of contented detachment that only the truly uncomprehending can achieve.  “…Here’s my solution,” Said Carson, “When a person is born, give him a birth certificate, [say, there’s an idea!] an electronic medical record, and a health savings account (HSA) to which money can be contributed — pretax — from the time you’re born ’til the time you die.

The President begins to focus--now he really needs a cigarette.

The President begins to focus–now he really needs a cigarette.

When you die, you can pass it on to your family members, so that when you’re 85 years old and you got six diseases, you’re not trying to spend up everything. You’re happy to pass it on and there’s nobody talking about death panels.”  (An odd assertion in a week when the President’s pet economist Paul Krugman was joining former administration honcho Steve Rattner in broaching the topic by name).  But what about the poor and the destitute, Dr. Carson? The hapless mendicants who rely on socialism to yank their aching molars and patch their hernias?  Are they now forsaken? Shouldn’t they have the opportunity to stand in lines similar to the MVA while low-level government functionaries with rotten attitudes shuffle them around like haunches of beef while denying this and denying that?  Carson actually has them covered too.

The serenity of the unoccupied mind--Biden doesn't get it.

The serenity of the unoccupied mind–Biden doesn’t get it.

Turning his thoughts to, “the people who were indigent who don’t have any money,” he explained that “we can make contributions to their HSA each month because we already have this huge pot of money. Instead of sending it to some bureaucracy, let’s put it in their HSAs. Now they have some control over their own health care.”  Control over their own health care? Dr. Carson, surely you are not this naive.  What good does it do the power drivers of the worldwide totalitarian socialist conspiracy that governs us to give us power?  Why, they might as well let us eat what we like, drive whatever cars we prefer, and set our thermostats where we like. No, Dr. Carson knows full well that Barack Obama is vitally interested in health care only because it translates into health control.  Control the citizenry’s access to medical care and you control the citizenry—with the added option of  being able to slyly neglect the health concerns of those  you have difficulty controlling. What a deal!

drobama

While Obama stared icily, Carson concluded on an upbeat note, declaring America’s problems dire but solvable if bright and innovative people were allowed to address them. Naturally, that is the last thing that the Obama Administration plans on allowing, and clearly, Carson knows it—his cheerful, sprightly talk was a carefully camouflaged smackdown, and perfectly executed. Whether one concurs in each particular of his briefly described solution to the health care mess, Carson clearly succeeded in demonstrating that a free, creative people, unsaddled by Marxist dogma, can solve such problems handily and without inflicting lethal damages on the national exchequer.  It is a telling indictment of the current Administration that a lucid, clarion exhortation to enact financially responsible, free enterprise solutions to the looming Obamacare catastrophe drove the President of the United States to venomous glares, and nearly put our newest Secretary of State to sleep.ben_carson_america_beautiful

PREDATORS ABOVE AND BELOW!

In "Defense Mechanisms" forum on February 6, 2013 at 8:23 am
Premonitions of paranoia? Cary fights the commies in North by Northwest!

Premonitions of paranoia? Cary fights the commies in North by Northwest!

Oh wow, guess what the Left just found out? It just found out that President Obama is planning to kill American civilians with drone strikes! In fact, the Atlantic went to press with an article by Conor Friedersdorf, who is billed as a staff writer “specializing in politics and national affairs,” in which Friedersdorf chirrups, “All hail NBC’s Michael Isikoff, who has gotten his hands on a previously undisclosed Obama Administration memo concluding that, under certain circumstances, the U.S. government can kill Americans with drones.” Don’t stop laughing on our account, dear readers, we know, we know, everybody on the paranoid right including we here at WOOF have been talking about this fact for at least a year, but it isn’t “real,” until the leftwing news establishment trips over it, and now, seemingly, this is the case. WOOF even raised a ruckus when numerous ostensible conservatives and Tea Partiers freshly or not-so-freshly ensconced in congress voted much of the enabling legislation through with big National Security smiles on their faces, what, two years ago? In fact, Mr. Friedersdorf, not that you would ever lower yourself to such gaucheries  but you could have dialed up the most outlandishly paranoid, fringe-focused nut-cake broadcasts on after-midnight radio and heard people calling in who think they are under Martian brain-beam assault who honest-to-God knew more about this subject a year ago than you or the American Media Establishment know today!

Say, no wonder the Left doesn’t think we’re funny! When it reads our jokes about drone attacks in, for instance, our “about us” page, it doesn’t get them! That explains a lot!

Pow! Right in the kisser!

Pow! Right in the kisser!

Now, please, don’t let us be misunderstood—as we here at WOOF are particularly sensitive to being misunderstood. WOOF is all in favor of killing terrorists with drones. In fact, WOOF doesn’t see why we can’t kill higher value targets like Kim Jung Un and Ahmadinejad with drones—why not? Ahmadinejad steps out for a short after-prayer constitutional, stretches, yawns, thinks a few vague, anti-Semitic thoughts, and (POOM!) a Hellfire missile hits him in the kisser. It could happen to anybody, right? In fact, WOOF believes that drones should just fly around killing terrorists all day long, like a kid plinking soda bottles with a .22. But where WOOF draws the line is when defense appropriations are jovially voted through with the understanding that this will also entail a program whereby the President of the United States can declare anyone a terrorist, including your mother or your Uncle Bucky, or us, or, Heaven forefend, Ann Coulter—and simply zap them with a drone strike. Doing so is arguably legal right now, did you know that? (Of course you knew that, we were really addressing that comment to Conor Friedersdorf.)

You know an issue is virtually volcanic in nature when it reaches those levels of perturbation at which the reliably bovine White House Press Corpse decides to disturb the perfect sunlight of the spotless mind of Boy Propagandist Jay Carney with one of those always-mutually-embarrassing enquiries that both sides wish were not necessary to broach—but which seem at least temporarily unavoidable. Why, politely wondered the Press Corpse, is the Beloved Helmsman, Infallible Navigator of the Ship of State, Protector of the Victimized Masses and President for Life, planning to kill Americans more or less as the whim strikes him?  Not to worry. Jay Carney replied that these were questions that touched upon complicated constitutional and legal issues, but assured the gathered herd that when it came to arbitrarily killing American civilians, “the president takes those issues very seriously.”  So alrighty, then.

Potential drone target? Don't do it, John Brennan!

Potential drone target? Don’t do it, John Brennan!

Even the subversive New York Times was onto this game some time ago, commenting back in May of 2012 that the President was assembling a “kill list,” and that of his ever increasing spread of potential targets, “Several were Americans.” The Times added that “Mr. Obama has placed himself at the helm of a top secret ‘nominations’ process to designate terrorists for kill or capture, of which the capture part has become largely theoretical.” That’s because drones aren’t very good at that, right? They just don’t do snatch-and-grabs very well.

Has everyone forgotten that American police forces are lately enthusiastic fans of drone surveillance? In some areas such as Orange County, Florida and Mesa County, Colorado, the sheriffs’ departments are utilizing drones routinely while refusing to discuss what types of drones they have aloft, where they are flying them, why they are flying there, and what they are equipped to do. The United States Air Force has also refused to issue information on where it is currently operating drones in this country, or why.

All of this became possible over a year ago, gentle readers, when the FAA Reauthorization Act swept through congress and was promptly signed by the Great Helmsman. This legislation cleared the way for widespread use of drones across the country for electronic surveillance, and experts anticipate that over 30,000 drones will be in the American sky by mid 2013.

Drone attacks are generally approved by the Right overseas.

Drone attacks are generally approved by the Right overseas.

In 2011 it was (slightly) reported, (The New York Times and Salon both ran cautious stories)  that the selection of targets “outside of war zones” was being refined, and the little cluster of power drivers around John O. Brennan (remember the name!) in the White House was newly tasked with drawing up prospective target lists for this, too. And to make matters truly disquieting, the names were now run by the State Department at a weekly White House briefings. Foggy Bottom at war—really—can it get much scarier than that?  But, as the NY Times confirmed in a July 15, 2012 article cheerfully entitled “Secret Kill List,”  President Obama placed himself at the top of this somewhat threnodial pyramid. In fact, in the run-up to the election, it may be remembered that the Times made quite a big deal out of how macho was our rappin’ preezy, personally scrutinizing the kill lists and barking out orders like Capone or Bugs Moran. This effort to depict the Great Helmsman (who also shoots skeet, by the way) as a kind of modern-day warlord was decried widely at the time as sacrificing security in the interest of the campaign…surely Watchdogs of Our Freedom cannot be the only ones who remember?

The subversive American Civil Liberties Unions’s not-unattractive functionary Hina Shamsi (she also of the subversive National Security Project) was familiar with all this

Shamsi speaks out--the ACLU puts on its best face.

Shamsi speaks out–the ACLU puts on its best face.

back in September of 2012 when she wrote, “The president claims the authority to unilaterally declare people enemies of the state including US citizens, and order their killing based on secret legal criteria, secret process and secret evidence.” Where was everybody else at the time? Busy covering the President’s royal fundament while he headed for re-election, that’s where!  And it was on the most occultically fire-driven sabbat of the calendar year, Beltane, April 30, 2012(coincidence? We think not!) that one John O. Brennan, at that time Assistant to the President for Homeland Security and Counterterrorism,  gave a speech at the Woodrow Wilson International Center for [Subversive] Scholars in which he for the first time elaborated on the use of  selective targeting of Americans as a domestic option. In case you’re a fan of unrefined sophistry, Brennan offered up the rationale that domestic strikes against citizens would be entirely allowable given that “as a matter of domestic law, the Constitution empowers the President to protect the nation from any imminent threat of attack.” Especially, apparently, when the threat is—the nation? This is vaguely remindful of the old Vietnam era chestnut, “We had to destroy the village to save it!”

earth vs flying saucersBrennan, obviously, cited the Authorization for the Use of Military Force (fondly known as AUMF) already passed by Congress in the aftermath of the original September 11 attacks in Manhattan, which authorized the president “to use all necessary and appropriate force” against any enemy supportive of the terrorism that resulted in 9/11. But look at the sinister confluence of factors this speech illuminated! First, we have the legislation enacted in the wake of the New York and Pentagon attacks, the interpretation of which may have been hesitantly entrusted at one time to the best judgment of Bush and Cheney, but was never conceived of as falling into the mischievous hands of the First Marxist and his Merry Menshevik Marauders! Then we have the placement of drone warfare at the President’s domestic disposal through the FAA Reauthorization Act. Finally, we have the Brennan speech at which the tenuous dialectic for domestic application of the kill list is enunciated, and who objects? A bunch of nuts on midnight radio shows and WOOF, that’s who! Nobody else gives a darn!

Not, at least, until we get to the “all hail Michael Isikoff” moment of this morning and his publicizing of the 16-page memo that somebody had the presence of mind to slip him—and this is newsworthy because? Well, because there is just something about a leaked memo that the Vast Monolithic Media Establishment finds irresistible. Indeed,

This image: Type of drone attack usually approved by the Left

This type of domestic drone attack is customarily approved by the Left

WOOF hereby enunciates a basic precept of contemporary reportage (which word we use principally to annoy Edwin Newman, wherever he is): If you want something as widely known as possible, put it in a secret memo!  And the memo in this case says exactly nothing—nothing—that we didn’t already know. It states that you, gentle reader, may be ordered killed if you are considered, by the Administration, to pose “an imminent threat of violent attack” against the United States. But you may only be killed if capture does not appear feasible. Of course, what on earth that means is mootable in the extreme. Is capture infeasible only if you are traversing the snow-swept ravines of the Khyber Pass? Or is it equally so if you look like you are about to hail a taxi in Buffalo?  Who decides this?  And what does “imminent” mean, while we’re at it? Well, here we have the single spectacular insight offered by the 16-page document in Mr. Isikoff’s possession. Obviously, when most of us think of an “imminent” threat we tend to think of Iran, North Korea, a tsunami, or a madman breaking down our door at 3AM, or possibly the debt crisis. We think, in other words, of a danger with the potential to inflict immediate harm. It requires, really, the Obama White House to reconstruct the English language to an extent rendering such understandings obsolete. Here, quoted from the document, is this helpful bit of post-modern lexicography:

“Certain aspects of this legal framework require additional explication. First, the condition that an operational leader present [sic] an “imminent” threat of violent attack against the United States does not require the United States to have clear evidence that a specific attack on U.S. persons will take place in the immediate future.

(Okay, so it’s probably a good thing Edwin Newman is deceased because that would’ve killed him!)

Not that anybody minded blowing Al Wacki up--was that his name?

Not that anybody minded blowing up Al Wacki –was that his name?

A third stipulation appears to be that the target be a ranking Al-Qaeda figure. But we know this is ridiculous because the administration is currently blasting targets all over the Middle East that are not Al Qaeda. Taliban targets are being hit, and “mowing the grass” attacks have been launched at crowds who appear militant. According to Global Research, over the past 4 years Obama authorized attacks in Pakistan that killed more than 800 people, only 22 of whom were identified as Al-Qaeda fighters.  So is the Al-Qaeda nicety just a third possible reason that you might be ordered killed? Or if it is a firm criterion, does it require only that Barack, Michelle, or Eric Holder so designate you?

And now, let’s put this brouhaha into a current political perspective, shall we? Or rather, let’s acknowledge that it has firmly placed itself in such a perspective, so we can ill afford to ignore it. Yesterday morning a “bipartisan group” of eleven Senators wrote themselves a letter—and they sent it to President Obama. They politely requested “any and all legal opinions” that uphold a basis for Executive Branch authority to “deliberately kill American civilians.”

Attorney General Eric Holder went on record endorsing the drone assaults, declaring that when the Administration launches a drone attack, “we are confident that we are

Chloe O'brien could always be trusted to pick a drone target domestically--but we're told she's not real. Damn it, Chloe!

Chloe O’Brien could always be trusted to pick a drone target domestically–but we’re told she’s not real. Damn it, Chloe!

doing so in a way that is consistent with federal and international law!” Of course, this from the man who was confident that illegally running hundreds of guns to Mexican drug cartels so that they would be used to kill lots of people, preferably Americans, and make the 2nd amendment look bad, was consistent with federal and international law, so he’s a known clown act. Jay Carney, boy propagandist, said at a his press conference today that the strikes were carried out ethically and legally—but when asked what legal criteria were applied to the strikes he said he had no idea.

Clueless in D.C.

Clueless in D.C.

So is there any reason to believe that these eleven Senators are going to have any more attention paid to their letter of yesterday morning than was paid to letters asking about “Fast and Furious,” or any other depredations visited against the Constitution by the Obama Regime? Well, actually, yes there is. Remember when we told you (above) to keep the name of John O. Brennan in mind? Well guess who wants to be CIA Director, WOOFketeers?  As a matter of fact, confirmation hearings are scheduled for Thursday in front of that classic oxymoron, the Senate Intelligence committee. And don’t forget Chuckie Hagel—the rascally anti-Zionist, anti-military Liberal who wants to be Secretary of Defense so that he can help Obama disarm the United States militarily as well as domestically. Chuckie did so badly in his original round of hearings that the Administration actually admitted its own dissatisfaction with his performance—which Lindsey Graham correctly described as “clueless.” This certainly doesn’t mean that Hagel won’t be nominated—why should cluelessness debar anyone from serving the Obama Administration? But it does mean his nomination is “imperiled,” as they say inside the Beltway, and this is no time for a spat over drone violence!

Central Intelligence Director-manqué John O. Brennan is, of course, Mr. Drone Program personified, and the leading philosophical light behind using it to zap his countrymen—so the subject is bound to come up. In fact, confirmation hearings for Brennan that do not require his indulging the committee in prolonged effusions of persiflage seem unimaginable—as does his failure to receive final approval once the likes of Lindsey Graham and John McCain have had their doubts assuaged by ample amounts of media attention.

John O. Brennan-- next CIA director? He'd just better not have a mistress is all!

John O. Brennan– next CIA director? He’d just better not have a mistress is all!

So stay tuned, WOOFerians—the games are just beginning! (Although frankly, it is never too early in these matters to prepare for disappointment!)  And remember, we were telling you the President was going to shoot at you with drones before Michael Isikoff ever suspected it!  We may be paranoid, ladies and gentleman, but we are accurately paranoid, and proud it!  And like we said at the beginning, we are not anti-drone, we are just personally opposed to being targeted by friendly fire at the behest of our Dear Leader. A long time ago, Georgie Patton explained this situation clearly when he said, “There’s nothing wrong with shooting, as long as the right people get shot!”  He forgot to mention that things get crazy real fast when only the wrong people have the  hunting licenses!

General Patton--please call your office!

General Patton–please call your office!

President Obama once shot a clay pigeon on the Camp David lawn for treason!

In "Gunning for success" forum on February 5, 2013 at 4:19 am
Ouch! President Obama draws a bead on his critics--or is he searching for skeet using 'reconnaissance by fire?'

Ouch! President Obama draws a bead on his critics–or is he searching for skeet using ‘reconnaissance by fire?’

Well, we aren’t positive you can actually shoot a clay pigeon for treason, but betraying Our Beloved Helmsman to the media as a serial fibber probably seemed like an act of  treason to His Eminence, and he may therefore regard skeet as traitorous given the liberal appetence for indicting surrogate and preferably inanimate talismans for the follies of humans—kind of like the kid who bumps his knee on a chair and gets even by kicking the chair—and besides, let’s face it, it gives us yet another opportunity to revisit our favorite (though historically specious) quote about Thomas Jefferson. And as steadfast readers know, we really like that quote! (Quote viewable here)

But that’s not important now.

Not guilty--but we don't care!

Not guilty–but we don’t care!

What matters is that the picture is here, folks, in fact it’s been out since Saturday, when you might typically release something you weren’t all that eager to subject to the scrutiny of the weekday news programs. And it arrived with more warnings and cautions than a pack of Chesterfield Kings! We are sternly admonished that:

“This official White House photograph is being made available only for publication by news organizations and/or for personal use printing by the subject(s) of the photograph. The photograph may not be manipulated in any way and may not be used in commercial or political materials, advertisements, emails, products, promotions that in any way suggests [sic] approval or endorsement of the President, the First Family, or the White House.”

Well we’re in the clear on that one, because nothing we are about to say in any way suggests approval or endorsement of the President, the First Family, or the White House. Well, okay, maybe the White House. After all, Ronald Reagan, Teddy Roosevelt and Calvin Coolidge used to live there! Oh, and Thomas Jefferson once shot a man on its lawn for treason—oops, there we go again. Sorry.

The Three Stooges, mouths watering for some skeet!

The Three Stooges, mouths watering for some skeet!

There are two excellent reasons why WOOF would not dream of photoshopping or tampering with the above image. First, we can’t afford the gear—it’s expensive—the good stuff, and until our request for a bailout comes through and our stimulus money starts pouring in, we just won’t be able to Photoshop much of anything—or gear up to produce all those uselessly defective solar panels we want to manufacture, either!  The second reason, of course, is that only a political ingrate would consider tarnishing so perfect a comic masterpiece with any additional flourishes—heck, it would be like adding a laugh track to a Three Stooges hunting farce. Why bother? The picture itself is a diamond—a multifaceted gem of tomfoolery capturing in one glorious, frozen moment of 12-gauge thunder, the cold, clammy angst of one man, desperate to appear real.

Wooing the “legitimate” hunter…?

elmer fudd

“I’m a fwaud; cartoons aren’t weal!”

In eyeing this as outreach intended to shore up support amongst gun owners, the NRA and most of the right-wing media are missing the point. This isn’t outreach, it’s first aid for Our Beloved Helmsman’s injured-ego. Something in his haphazard sense of machismo impelled the President to crazily insist, during his NewRepublic interview, that he shoots guns all the time.  At skeet. This is, after all, a man whose clinical narcissism has been so exacerbated by a cooing and drooling media establishment that he has come to expect any lollapalooza that escapes his lips to pass immediate muster, whether he is assuring an audience that destroying the coal industry is perfectly okay because we’re going to build nuclear power plants all over the country, (even though he just shut down Yucca Mountain, so there’d be no place to store the spent fuel), or telling astonished students at a graduation ceremony that he met his wife in class at Harvard, which is blatant nonsense given that the Obamas met in Chicago in 1989 when the President was an associate at the Sydney Austin law firm…

Even Jimmy Carter knew how to hold a shotgun! He just couldn't hit the American Embassy in Tehran!

Even Jimmy Carter knew how to hold a shotgun! He just couldn’t hit the American Embassy in Tehran!

…or that his dad served in WWII (nonsense) or that his Uncle liberated Auschwitz (which would have been the neatest trick of the week, because Auschwitz was  liberated by the Soviet Army) or that he would walk the picket lines with Wisconsin Union members (he never quite got around to it), or that he was born in Kenya (which it satisfied him to tell folks before it made becoming President impossible, at which point he ceased to be born in Kenya) and all of this, and so much more, being total horsefeathers. Clearly the President is a man who has perfected what Charles Krauthammer sneeringly called “situational reality.” But the media just report this schlock; they never question it—why would they question the word of their cosseted, coddled creation?

When it transpired that the girl friend he described in his autobiography was not a real person, nobody on the left affected to notice. When he told George Stephanopoulos that his Muslim faith was important to him, Stephanopoulos simply corrected him, saying “You mean Christian.” And the whole show rolled on as if nothing, nothing at all, just happened. But something short-circuited this time—and if the Great Helmsman’s will-o-the-wisp sense of masculinity sought to reaffirm itself briefly by simply winging some noisome cow paddy about skeet shooting at a subservient interviewer, it must have felt doubly threatened when the reliably sycophantic scribbler from the New Republic challenged the plausibility of such a story, almost statim. This called for more and thicker manure, of course, and fast, too, so Dear Leader piled it on furiously, insisting that not only did he shoot Skeet, but that he did it “all the time.”

Actual skeet shooter, braced for discharge, actuallyshooting--and the most smoke we could find coming out of a shotgun anywhere this side of Camp David!

Actual skeet shooter, braced for discharge, actually shooting–and the most smoke we could find coming out of a shotgun anywhere this side of Camp David!

Unfortunately, the gun climate in America at the moment is intemperate, both Left and Right, and the President’s new skeet shooting hobby was therefore irresistible news. Obama could have said, “Oh, I used to work in a nuclear power plant,” or “Well, when I was a kid, I was a Boy Scout and I played on the troop hockey team,” or “You know, I’ve always dug deep to give to charities that support autistic kids,” and everyone in the media would have made a note of it, remarked on the wonderfulness of it all,  and moved right along, like always—but guns? Oops! Guns are hypnotically transfixing to Americans, and especially so nowadays; a fact that seems, fascinatingly enough, to have completely eluded the New Lincoln. A lie about skeet shooting should have been digested by the masses no less alacritously than a lie about anything else—but such was not the case. Americans take their shooting irons seriously, and the aftermath of this Executive Whopper was felt even in the sinistral sancta of MSNBC and the New York Times.

That members of the Washington Press Corpse should so thoughtlessly and indecorously violate protocol as to ask a hard question is almost unthinkable nowadays, but at the press briefing for Monday, January 27th, Jay Carney was asked the ugly question: How often does the President shoot skeet at Camp David? The boy propagandist replied that he didn’t know. Were there pictures? Carney replied that he didn’t know, adding that he had never seen one. Go figure. He was then actually pressed on the strange absence of any photographs of the Kenyan Nimrod at sport and explained that “When he goes to Camp David, he goes there to spend time with his family and friends and relax, not to produce photographs.” But in fact, at least one photographer accompanies the First Marxist everywhere except the lavatory, so as LBJ would say, that hound won’t hunt.

The second 2nd Amendment

hillbillies

Obama on clingers: Not to be dismissed out of hand!

The President might have supposed his expatiation, fed on the spot to the New Republic, more than amply disingenuous to put him out of harm’s way. He had, in fact, attempted to make a silk purse out of the misstatement by turning to a favorite Left-wing fantasy point. You see, he explained, “I have a profound respect for the traditions of hunting that trace back in this country for generations. And I think those who dismiss that out of hand make a big mistake. Part of being able to move this [gun control] forward is understanding the realities of guns in urban areas are very different from the realities of guns in rural areas. And if you grew up and your dad gave you a hunting rifle when you were 10, and you went out and spent the day with him and your uncles, and that became part of your family traditions, you can see why you’d be pretty protective of that.” And blah, blah, blah. So okay, why is he saying this stuff?  As outreach to the hunting community? No, he is saying this stuff because the Left is determined to rewrite the 2nd amendment, that’s why! It is a main goal of the gun grabbers to deconstruct the right to keep and bear arms and rehabilitate it as some bizarre statement to the effect that, “A well provisioned larder and dinner table being necessary to the family togetherness of certain bitter clingers in fly-over country, the right of these yawps and crackers to go hunting with their dads and uncles shall not be infringed—at least not immediately.”  This is why we have all the shrill liberal pandering to “legitimate hunters” as though they could be split from the NRA like peeling off a minority voting faction—and why we have shatterpated hysterics like New York Governor Andrew Cuomo sobbing that nobody needs ten rounds to kill a deer. It currently suits the Left to pretend that the rights of hunters were first and foremost in the minds of the Founders, whereas in fact, the rights of gun-owning citizens to blow the heads off anybody who threatened the freedoms they were vouchsafed by the Constitution was more to the point—or as Roger Sherman succinctly put it in 1790, the 2nd amendment exists to guarantee   “…the privilege of every citizen, of one of his most essential rights, to bear arms, and to resist every attack upon his liberty or property, by whomsoever made.” If Sherman had deer in mind, it certainly wasn’t apparent in the moment.

Roger Sherman--singer of both the Declaration and the Constitution--and is he pee-ohed!

Roger Sherman–signer of both the Declaration and the Constitution–and is he pee-ohed!

In search of evidence!

The White House next scrambled to assemble folks who would be willing to reminisce about the President’s skeet shooting—to finesse the problem with a few satisfying narratives from those who had ostensibly been present for the festivities, as it were—so out came the usual gang of idiots. But the idiots were not keen to wax assistful, and many of them seemed to break down half way through their dubious testimonies. Men and women who might have been comfortable swearing that the President read Montesquieu or played tournament-level chess, or maybe had a black belt in Judo, seemed to shy at the excessive hurdle of describing him as Sergeant York.

Maybe the President could learn to shoot from Marsha Blackburn (R-Tenn)--and get his image worked on at the same time?

Maybe the President could learn to shoot from Marsha Blackburn (R-Tenn)–and get his image worked on at the same time?

One source close to the president offered that “This has only happened…at most, a couple of times.” Another informed source was equally leery of commitment, declaring that, “The only time he shot skeet was at the President’s Cup [actually a shooting competition involving the Marines in the White House guard]. He stayed about five minutes and couldn’t leave fast enough.” But this, the well-intentioned lackey explained, was perfectly understandable, because “Skeet shooting is very hard, especially for someone not used to guns…He couldn’t have been more uncomfortable.”  Well, obviously, that wasn’t working, and to further trounce the Presidential ego, along came that hot mamma from the irrepressible rural South, Marsha Blackburn (R-Tenn) and darned if that blonde bombshell didn’t up and challenge Our Beloved Helmsman to a skeet shooting match!  Things were coming apart fast, and steps had to be taken—and that brings us to the riotous high point of the entire burlesque: The now infamous photograph. A White House so bent out of shape over the simple, obvious nonsense that the First Fantasizer had spewed on the cusp of a silly whim, thinking only to sound a trifle less sissified and unmanly, decided finally to produce a photograph. And now we have it, America—the most outlandish signal to date that the Obama administration inhabits some parallel universe in which realities are a dime a dozen, and the only deity apart from Marx, Mao and Alinsky seems to be P.T. Barnum.

Michael Hampton of the U.S. Skeet Shooting Association is either a Democrat, or the kindest fellow around, for his assessment of the photo is, perhaps, the most charitable one to date. Hampton studied the picture and declared, “It isn’t something he does very often because of how he’s standing and how he has the gun mounted.” Really, Michael—ya think? Let’s face it, the photo is so ridiculous it must be concluded that the Administration declined to employ any technical directors for fear of a leak. Nobody shoots a shotgun like that—nobody except Barack Hussein Obama!

Some presidents look a bit more natural with a gun--just sayin'

Some presidents look a bit more natural with a gun–just sayin’

The Administration obliged loyal flak (okay, strategist) David Plouffe to tweet the “proof” with the dead-pan message: POTUS shoots clay targets on the range at Camp David on Aug. 4, 2012,” and the now infamous picture. Obviously aware that nobody in his right mind was going to accept the validity of the picture, Plouffe made a transparent effort to steal the march on the army of critics sure to assemble in the wake of his tweet, adding, “Attn skeet birthers: Make our day—let the photoshop conspiracies begin!” But nobody, not even Richard Nixon, ever hated ridicule as savagely as the man currently in the Oval Office—and no President has ever been so thin skinned. The notion that this photo was fed to the lunatic fringe so that the president and his sophisticated entourage could enjoy the ensuing hysteria is at least as implausible as Obama’s secret life as a shot-gunning nimrod.

What’s wrong with this picture?

Okay, comes now the fun part. What on earth are we looking at here? Let’s begin with what we cannot be looking at. The President cannot possibly be shooting skeet in the photograph. Skeet are released by a mechanical sling that sends them soaring through the air, and they are customarily targeted in mid flight. Yes, some are slung lower than others, but the President has his shotgun leveled at a flat trajectory, as though he is shooting the clay pigeons off fence posts. For treason. Seriously, what on earth could he be firing at? Did he study under Dick Cheney? Is he such a mensch that he orders the skeet be fired directly at him, so that he can, with blazing accuracy, pulverize the hostile discs as they launch, like our Strategic Defense Initiative does enemy missiles—or would have, had the President not suspended its development?

And the gun is not placed against the President’s shoulder. A careful inspection of the photo shows that Obama has the stock only half to his shoulder, half sticking up over it.

Bristol Palin, first time shooting skeet--note stock of shotgun properly couched in shoulder. Note recoil. And what Bristol lacks in style she easily makes up for in Bristolness-- just sayin'

Bristol Palin, first time shooting skeet–note stock of shotgun properly couched in shoulder. Note recoil. And what Bristol lacks in style (and vest) she easily makes up for in Bristolness– just sayin’

A 12-gauge shotgun simply cannot be discharged like that without inflicting serious injury on the shoulder of the maladroit shooter. Nobody would fire a shotgun that way twice! And who shoots skeet in a polo shirt? Skeet shooters wear vests as a matter of routine with extra shells snugged in them for reload, or carried in a shoulder bag. The vest offers padding to absorb the not unprepossessing buck of the recoiling weapon. Is somebody handing the President his shells as he shoots?  Is he so contemptuous of the sting of the mighty 12-gauge that he disdains to employ padding?

What on earth is he discharging from that shotgun? Black powder? Talcum powder? No shotgun in recent memory discharged so much smoke, not even in the movies. Was a special smoke-producing load manufactured for the President’s big moment, or is the smoke merely photo shopped in, thus accounting for the apparent lack of any recoil from the blast?  Experienced shooters will tell you, if you doubt us on this one: There is no modern round for a modern gun that squirts quite that much smoke out the barrel.

Vents on a Citori's barrel

Vents on a Citori’s barrel

Much has also been made of the ported barrel, because shotguns don’t typically have ported barrels, but some extremely expensive Italian shotguns do, and so does the Browning Citori 625 in the hands of the President.  And you can get one of your own for 4,799 dollars, so shop early, while it’s still legal to own one!

Why is the President wearing a watch he has never previously been photographed wearing?  WOOF has no clue. Is he in fact wearing a wedding ring?  (WOOF believes he is, others think not.) Why is the photo said to have been taken on August 4th, the President’s birthday? Does he enjoy busting the caps on a few rounds of birdshot so much that he spent his birthday doing it, and if so, why does he look like, on the whole, he’d rather be in Nairobi? Look, let’s face it, whatever this ridiculous picture is intended to demonstrate, it demonstrates nothing but the fact that Obama is an ego driven flim-flam artist who would still be voting present in the House of Representatives if the American Media weren’t wholly dedicated to backing his every enormity as though it were the latest exemplification of his supernal genius. And here it comes again. Everyone who notices the obvious—that this silly photograph is at best a picture of a little man holding a big gun because he is terrified the truth may leak out about a silly boast that nobody believed in the first place–will be hooted to derision in the lap-dog press until all protest ceases.

The Citori 625: A one-percenter's shotgun!

The ultra-pricey Citori 625: A one-percenter’s shotgun!

Run! Run! Here come the Skeeters!

Already, the left-wing media machine has gone into high gear vilifying any critic of the skeet pic who might otherwise be given a fair hearing in the public arena. Picking up Plouffe’s cue, they are calling critics of the photo “Skeeters.” In other words, the message from the Obama Media Establishment is that only a  right wing nut-case racist paranoid could be so crazy as to suggest that rappin’ preezy doesn’t really enjoy blasting a few clays out there at Camp David!  And therefore, all thinking, sophisticated, non-racist Americans must accept the genuineness of the photo as a matter of course, or at the very worst, dismiss its manifest inauthenticity as a matter of no consequence. Got that?  And perhaps the most amusing aspect of this kabuki dance is the level of dorky, unquestioning obeisance it ignites among the usefully-idiotic media sicophants. Consider the doggedly imperceptive Erik Wemple, blogging on behalf of the Washington Post to the effect that, “patience pays off”—insisting that the President enjoyed a “gotcha” moment with his photo surprise that “stung the growing number of skeptics.”   Believe it or not, this faction of the Left is also insistent that withholding the birth certificate for as long as it was withheld was also a brilliant “strategery” designed to make fools of the president’s critics. Among some wide-eyed populations on the faithful Left, the Kool-Aid flows like a mighty river, brethren.

Need a Kool-Aid container? Huff Post offers these triumphant Obama birth certificate “Made in the USA” mugs–no, really.

Meanwhile, those with eyes to see are left gawking at this embarrassing photo-op (rhymes with photo shop) wondering whether we have before us the image of President Obama holding a gun that was later “arted” to look like it was discharging (our best guess), or Obama actually firing the gun, taken a nanosecond before he smashed his shoulder and began yelping with pain (and its hard to believe the Secret Service would allow him to discharge the weapon from such an addle-pated position), or whether, perhaps, it isn’t our Beloved Helmsman at all, for there is also the “that’s-not-his-watch” school, which insists the man holding the gun is a body double. WOOF rejects this argument. If, after all, you were going to send in a body double for the President, would you pick someone in a silly polo shirt and “mom jeans” who couldn’t hold a shotgun?  But whatever the truth about the falsity may be, and however one wishes to interpret this frantic effort at validation, it perfectly exemplifies an Administration so numb to actuality that it has long since departed reality for the warmer climes of la-la land.

Obama is not the only community organizer to hold guns funny--here's OBL in Afghanistan demonstrating the same off-the-shoulder firing position.

Obama is not the only community organizer to hold guns funny–here’s Osama Bin Laden (also a lefty) in Afghanistan demonstrating the same off-the-shoulder firing position. 

What difference does it make?

The larger portion of the American Left, which lacks the naiveté requisite to swallowing the absurd idea that the photo’s appearance marks a brilliantly-timed  rebuke to the Presidents’ critics, has adopted the more sophisticated and time-honored defense of studied nonchalance. Have you noticed how Hillary Clinton’s most horrendously detached avowal, screeched at the apex (or nadir) of her recent hearings, has become an overnight  crie de coeur on the Left? Possibly because it so consistently fits their need to dismiss real events? Yes, the loudest, most consistently shouted message from the bastions of Liberalism on this subject, is, “What difference does it make?” In other words, yes the picture is a flagrant hoax, but so what? So the President never shot skeet in his life, does it really matter? And a sensible rejoinder to this might be: No, not really. It might matter in a saner era, in which our leaders were held to their word, and expected to maintain an image consubstantial with their actual personalities, but today? Not so much. The stark obviousness of the President of the United States lying casually, as a matter of convenience, about shooting as a hobby and then issuing a faked photo of himself holding a one-percenter’s shotgun in a hopelessly lubberly stance, with a preternaturally massive blast of smoke photo-shopped (or otherwise confected) at the gun’s muzzle, doesn’t amount to a high crime or a misdemeanor—it is simply petty, pathetic, and in the final analysis dumb. That’s all. “What difference, at this point, does it make?” None, really. We’ll all be moving along to the next thing that doesn’t make any difference by the end of the week, right?  Until then, keep your heads down out there! (Barry’s got a gun!) WOOF PRINT

Stay safe, America!

Stay safe, America!

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