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TIME TRAVELING LIBERALS: How They Did It–and Why They Stopped!

In Science and the Paranormal forum on October 31, 2019 at 10:49 pm

March 4, 2007, Barack Obama makes a speech in Selma, commemorating the courageous 1965 march for equality that put the obscure Alabama town on the national front page.  Obama speechifies about the bravery and historic significance of the event—no problem—but he next reveals that his parents were inspired by Selma, implies they met there, and adds: “There was something stirring across the country because of what happened in Selma, Alabama, because some folks are willing to march across a bridge. So, they [his parents] got together and Barack Obama Jr. was born. So don’t tell me I don’t have a claim on Selma, Alabama. Don’t tell me I’m not coming home when I come to Selma, Alabama.” It will surprise no one, we trust, that the crowd went wild.

Candidate Bamster, 2007, after explaining to his Selma, audience that he isn’t just visiting–he’s coming home!

We hear you. “So what? We all know Obama can’t discuss anything in a public forum without inserting himself into the narrative.”  And that’s true– but less deserving of scrutiny, we submit, than the wild violations of linear time observable in the candidate’s remarks. Indeed, for Obama’s autobiographical assertions to be correct, one would have to suppose that Obama’s parents met at–or were at least inspired by–the march at Selma, married afterwards, and proceeded to make little Barack. But the future president was born–regardless of where–in 1961. That was four years before the Selma march.  Obama’s parents were divorced in 1964, a year before the march occurred. In fact, when Selma happened, they were 10,793 miles apart (father in Kenya, mother in Honolulu).

Obama’s parents at Selma? Don’t laugh–it might have just been a moment in time!

On CNN Jake Tapper summarized the event straight-facedly, reporting that Obama “credited the 1965 Selma march with his parents, a Black African father and White Kansas mother, meeting and falling in love.” Like the rest of the media, Tapper either didn’t notice, or didn’t care to notice, the speech’s glaring array of impossibilities. A few right-wing commentators and media voices took note, citing the Selma appearance as further evidence that Obama was a pathological liar. A plausible enough explanation–but was it correct? Emerging evidence suggests a dramatically different and far more disturbing explanation. The Selma speech is only one item of evidence.  Many others follow.

THE IRANIAN CONNECTION

Ali Razeghi, saying a bunch of junk the Russians told him to say?

Our story begins (if that verb retains any relevance, given our topic) in 2013, when Iran developed a rudimentary form of trans-time technology.  Deep within the humming environs of Iran’s Centre for Strategic Inventions–a secret, assault-proof, underground facility devoted to advancing science and technology in the interest of eliminating the United States, Israel, Christians, Jews, Buddhists, pop musicians, and sundry other infidels, a young scientist was engaged in developing algorithms. The scientist, Ali Razeghi, was charged with the “development and electronic reification” of cyberspacially advanced algorithms capable of out-thinking strategic planners in the Satanic West. Thus, Iran, as an emergent nuclear power, hoped to dominate battlefields and airspace in the Middle East while delivering nuclear blows to specific targets including, but not limited to, those already mentioned.

BREAKTHROUGH!

Percy Spencer, shocked to discover his Hershey bar melted in his shirt pocket.

But while tinkering with algorithmic constructs, 27-year-old Razeghi entered that pantheon of scientific immortals whose discoveries of paradigm-shifting phenomena occurred entirely by accident. Like Percy Spencer, the Raytheon Corporation engineer who accidentally melted his Hershey bar while working on a radar project, thus discovering the microwave oven, or the chemists at Pfizer who failed in their efforts to cure angina but accidentally invented Viagra, Razeghi unintentionally created an algorithmic sequence that effected an entry-level form of time travel. At first, the so called Aryayek Time Machine functioned at the level of a high-tech fortune cookie. But even in its earliest form, it predicted future events with 98 percent accuracy. When Razeghi first announced his findings, he explained, “The reason we are not launching our prototype at this stage is that the Chinese will steal the idea and produce it in millions overnight.” But that was baloney.

THE LESOVIK “SIMULATION”…

Doctor Gordey Lesovik, specializing in  methods of reversing quantum irreversability.

In Russia, physicists from the Moscow Institute of Physics and Technology, after much experimentation, succeeded in sending a quantum computer a fraction of a second into the past. At CNN, some neolithic iconoclast committed journalism, tracking down the story, verifying its authenticity, and even wrangling an interview with project’s lead physicist, Dr. Gordey Lesovik. But Lesovik downplayed the entire matter, assuring CNN’s newshound that the reported time reversal was merely “simulated,”  The reporter asked whether the “simulation” placed Russia on the cusp of developing time travel. After a telling pause, Lesovik replied, “not really,” and the reporter reverted to type, reporting Lesovik’s denial unquestioningly.

ALGORITHM, WHO COULD ASK FOR ANYTHING MORE?

Time travel has long been theorized to require an ASIC-resistant hashing algorithm. (ASIC stands for Application-Specific Integrated Circuit.) A hashing algorithm is normally associated with one-way functions, impossible to invert. However, several recent discoveries suggest that certain hashing algorithms contain the potential for reversal. Physicists have hypothesized that the proper hashing algorithm could make visiting the past a reality–but the number of potentially useful algorithms was calculated at nearly four-hundred thousand.  If one such algorithm could be isolated and proven effective, Doctor Lesovik’s “simulation” could become reality. Restated metaphorically, Lesovik built the car, but without a key it was useless. Moreover, the quest for the key algorithm promised to be agonizingly complex– until Iran went public with its own time-travel story.

BACK TO IRAN!

The Russians learned of the device through press reports. It seems the Mullahs didn’t consider it a security issue and announced it publicly as a means of highlighting Iranian science. In Moscow, the news was viewed with intense interest, particularly at the Moscow Institute of Physics and Technology. Confidence was building that Razehghi, whilst seeking an algorithm by which to thwart Western arms superiority, had blundered into the “golden” hash algorithm essential to making Doctor Lesovik’s time-travel dreams come true.  Moscow quickly contacted Tehran about the significance of the matter, and maximum secrecy was imposed.  Razeghi’s plans to commercialize his discovery were quashed and disinformation released to the effect that his prototype was under wraps for fear the Chinese would merchandise the technology. Meanwhile, Razeghi, and his technology, were flown to Moscow for a tête-à-tête with Russian physicists. Insights gained were further augmented by research already in Lesovik’s possession, dating from 1987. That year, substantial advances in time-travel technology were achieved by another Russian: Vadim Chernobrov. Chernobrov claimed his machine could slow or speed up the course of time by manipulating Earth’s magnetic field, and his research proved a vital addition to the Russian/Iranian project. The combined technologies placed the manipulation of time within Lesovik’s grasp.

BREAKING “THE ARROW OF TIME!”

Once Ali’s algorithm met Gordey’s reversal technology, and combined with Chernobrov’s discoveries– the only thing missing was Rod Taylor!

The first test of the hybridized Russian prototype pitted it against Sir Arthur Eddington’s 1927 postulate, commonly known as “the arrow of time hypothesis.” Eddington argued that the asymmetry of time–its inherent irreversibility–was immutable, making visitations to the past scientifically impossible. Well before the first operational test of the Russian device, physicists were beginning to suspect Eddington was wrong. Arguing that nothing in Einsteinian theory precludes time travel, several physicists around the globe published fresh ideas on how it could be accomplished.  In fact, considerable evidence indicates the Russian machine, albeit somewhat sporadically and unpredictably, was capable of travel into the past by 2014.  According to rumor, one of the earliest “chrononauts” on these experimental voyages was Vladimir Putin, who is said to have visited several historical eras. Photos purporting to document Putin’s rovings have circulated on the dark web for years. Early experiments performed with the Gordey/Razeghi machine persuaded even hardcore Eddington supporters that time, as we conventionally define it, is manipulable, and because time manipulation makes almost anything possible almost any time, linear continuity became an obsolete concept.

CLOSING THE TIME GAP!

Reports of the Iranian/Russian time-travel project soon leaked out of Moscow and Tehran. These leaks, combined with a number of confirmatory NSA intercepts, found their way to the Oval Office. According to various accounts, President Obama was instantly captivated, and (somewhat uncharacteristically) given to expound protractedly on the dangers of time-traveling Russians. Shortly, a presidential order went out to CIA Director John Brennan, which stated, in essence: Take a break from harassing your agency’s Benghazi survivors, and focus on closing the time-travel gap!

Putin, among Russia’s first Chrononauts?–evidence leaked from the Motherland.

TIME FOR THE CIA!

CIA Director “Smilin’ John” Brennan–Assignment: Steal time!

To hasten the plot forward, and also because we are not privy to the exact details, suffice it that at some point in transit from Moscow to its intended base deep inside Yamantau mountain in the Beloretsky District of the Urals, the Russian prototype went missing. Following the usual number or summary executions and prolonged interrogations, suspicion narrowed to the American CIA, who were, in fact, responsible.  Evidently, the Russian prototype, once liberated from its owners, traversed Northwestern Russia by riverboat, emigrated to Finland via a specially designed drone, and thence overland to the port of Helsinki. The package left Helsinki listed as refrigerator parts on a cargo ship’s manifest. After a midnight transfer to the nuclear submarine New Hampshire, the purloined prototype was transported to the naval facility at Norfolk, Virginia.  From Norfolk, of course, it was a quick hop to CIA headquarters at Langley, where the Agency’s Directorate of Science and Technology began analyzing the device.

The New Hampshire— delivering the package.

ADMITTEDLY, MISTAKES WERE MADE…. 

While the heist itself went flawlessly, the CIA plan to suborn or kidnap scientists and technicians familiar with the Russian machine’s handling characteristics failed utterly, for reasons that remain obscure. Confronted with this setback, the CIA assembled a team of American and British scientists whose research closely paralleled Lesovik’s. But despite the international brain trust’s best efforts, America’s first experiments with time travel proved dicey.  Several early missions into the past are said to have gone shockingly awry.  Details remain unavailable, but multiple sources agree that initial missteps by the Agency resulted in nightmarish consequences.

ON THE WHOLE, I’D RATHER BE IN PHILADELPHIA…

A photo of the machine assembled aboard a Navy escort vessel in 1943 meant to render the ship invisible. Clearly observable are a pair of melons used for experimentation. Seventy-one years later, the CIA skipped the melons.

Evidently, the fates of the first CIA chrononauts bore a striking resemblance to what allegedly befell the crew of an American destroyer escort during the notorious “Philadelphia Experiment” of October 3rd, 1943. According to numerous researchers, this project combined Einstein’s unified field theory with Tesla’s advances in space-time manipulation, in an effort to render a warship invisible. According to histories of the event, the ship not only became invisible, but also transported itself ten minutes into the past, returned, and bi-located to several additional moorings before the test could be halted. Supposedly, the effort wrought devastating effects on the ship’s complement. Some were described as “fused to bulkheads” while others seemed to shift between fragmentary temporal states, materializing and dematerializing at intervals.

Despite the fact that it was written by Charles Berlitz and William Moore, many readers take this book seriously.

WOOF hastens to add that substantial evidence indicates the so-called Philadelphia experiment never happened. That said, an equally substantial body of supportive reportage, testimony, research, books, films, and photos, argue the contrary case. We review the matter here without regard to its historic validity–which we neither dismiss nor maintain–because sources we deem reliable describe the ramifications of botched time-travel as “almost identical to those reported following the Philadelphia Navy Yard incident of 1943.” Obviously, the CIA required help, and the Russians weren’t offering any.

TIME FOR BIGELOW….

Elusive billionaire Robert Bigelow–because who wants to look at Harry Reid?

Confronted with his team’s inability to work out the complexities of “retrogression and retrieval,” as they called it, Director Brennan consulted President Obama, who in turn consulted then-Senate-Majority Leader Harry Reid, who in turn reached out to his friend, Robert Thomas Bigelow. The reclusive billionaire, hotel magnate, real-estate mogul, and founder of Bigelow Aerospace, wasted no time referring the matter to his best thinkers. Soon, a group of physicists, mathematicians, and experts on electromagnetism was detached from duties at Aerospace, and reassigned to the CIA time project.  According to sources, the Aerospace scientists proved invaluable in adjusting the project’s time-penetrative characteristics. The result seemed to be a technology capable of retrogressing or projecting individuals through time, and retrieving them safely.  It may well be imagined, therefore, with what astonishment the CIA’s team greeted news that despite so many promising advances, the project was cancelled.  

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