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WHEN STATUES ATTACK! (Monuments Revealed as “Powerful, Hurtful, and Racist!”)

In Monumental stupidity forum on September 20, 2020 at 5:42 pm

Suddenly, statues all over America revealed themselves to be dangerous in the extreme!

Certain offenses against tradition are bound to offend social conservatives—and some are so brilliantly contrived as to offend, one might suppose, nearly any variety of conservative. In a time when conservatism is defined so variously, it seems ever more difficult to certify common ground. Surely, however, the destruction of national monuments rates as something of a unifier.

The worldwide totalitarian socialist conspiracy that governs us (file photo).

Even so, in an era so unblinkingly obeisant to the socialist totalitarian conspiracy that governs us, conservatives are wise to pick their battles. One needn’t keep Sun Tzu under one’s pillow to realize that in a society reduced to infantile tantrums emanating from pseudo-righteous miscreants bent on wanton feats of pillage and aggression, it makes sense to reserve one’s energies for the most exigent battles, and even then to resist engagements wherein one cannot press the advantage. Sam Houston got it—so, in Tolstoy’s view at least, did Kutuzov, although come to think of it, the decade is likely to end with more statues of the Russian Field Marshal left standing than of Houston.

As Janet Granholm says….

Governor Granholm, shown here lost in thought.

But as Michigan’s leftist governor Janet Granholm recently stated in dramatically distinct circumstances (as she would want us to emphasize), “There’s only so far you can go before you say enough is enough!” We at WOOF have no interest in prescribing what “enough” should amount to for the Governor, or for fellow conservatives, for that matter—but for us, “enough” was that point at which the self-professed Communist mayor of New York City announced that he was ordering a statue of Teddy Roosevelt removed from the American Museum of Natural History. Frankly, WOOF sought to steer clear of the controversies embedded in the vandalistic pathologies of the current wave of statue destroyers, but as Janet Granholm would say, enough is enough!


We at WOOF are not oblivious of the case against Teddy Roosevelt made by certain conservatives, let alone liberals, but the progressivism of a man who railed against “hyphenated Americans” is surely worth contrasting to our own era’s version, which praises multiculturalism as a virtual antidote to Americanism, which it views as a jingoistic pathology worthy of eradication. We, in other words, maintain a reverence for the 26th president, and while we chose to hang fire while certain statues of Southern notables were toppled by ravening nitwits in the throes of self-righteous delirium, we draw the line at T.R..

Lessons from The Smithsonian….

Nora McGreevy, gimlet identifier of Teddy Roosevelt and  all other treacherous sons of the Confederacy.

Why, readers may ask, was Teddy’s statue targeted by the current swarm of historic bowdlerizers in the first place? Fortunately, we are here favored with the learned insights of Nora McGreevy who explained the matter in no less authoritative a venue than The Smithsonian Magazine.  McGreevy wrote that Teddy’s removal from the Museum of Natural History “comes amid a nationwide push to remove public works honoring Confederate leaders.” Of course, she might as well have written that the statue’s removal came in the wake of an increased national awareness of the harmful effects of Styrofoam, especially if her purpose was to execute a perfect non-sequitur. But McGreevy has no cause to suppose her explanation will perplex her readership, the majority of whom were educated since the NEA conspired with Common Core to erase American History –except as an instrument by which various victims of racist imperialism may be identified and bemoaned.  That Teddy Roosevelt had no more association with the secession of the Confederate states than, say, Oprah Winfrey, needn’t be rehearsed for our famously illuminated readers. We mention it in passing because, as we occasionally point out, we have at least six or seven liberal readers, not to mention those who blunder upon our site from time to time, only to flee unnerved.

“Profoundly moved by…the movement”

Futter, adjudicate of historical wokeness, bids Teddy Roosevelt adieu! 

But one needn’t be a communist elected Mayor by the usual hordes of preternaturally obtuse New Yorkers, to come up with ideas this screwy. The proposal evidently originated with the museum itself, where museum president Ellen V. Futter told the New York Times, “Over the last few weeks, our museum community has been profoundly moved by the ever-widening movement for racial justice that has emerged after the killing of George Floyd.” Fair enough, but when did it become Futter’s job to show solidarity with aggrieved African Americans (and predominantly White Antifa nincompoops), by arbitrarily specifying items of historic significance to be dragged from the public arena in accordance with her whims, or those of the “museum community,” which seems a rather sketchy collective of amorphous proportions and dubious authority.

The Museum Community (file photo).

Patriots rally in support of Teddy’s museum statue, as reported almost nowhere by anybody–except by us,  and we’re probably fascists!

Nora McGreevy’s explanation of the event notwithstanding, Teddy Roosevelt was not, in fact, hauled off by the PC Gestapo for his putative role in the rebellion of the South. Rather, he was a victim of guilt by association, or put another way, he was judged by the company he kept. The statue in question features Theodore Roosevelt astride a horse–accompanied by an Indian [progressive readers will wish to substitute “Native American”] standing on one side, and an African on the other…or perhaps we should say, an African African–especially inasmuch as Native is now forbidden in this context, even though mandated in the former. Regardless, Teddy might well have continued his 80-year ride were it not for the furor aroused by these two “minority” figures, which is richly ironic–though liberalism, as we often point out, is institutionally oblivious of irony, mainly because liberalism’s basal emotion is sanctimony, which renders irony incomprehensible on contact.  

She likes to move it, move it!

End of the trail, Teedy! And take your friends with you!

So, why did Mayor de Blasio’s office, Ellen V. Futter, the “museum community,”and an endless array of woke establishmentarians, rule that Teddy’s statue had to go? To pursue Futter’s bizarre rationale, “We have watched as the attention of the world and the country has increasingly turned to statues as powerful and hurtful symbols of systemic racism! Simply put, the time has come to move it.” Now, seriously, even if we are willing to suppose that the attention of the world has suddenly found no better object upon which to fixate than the purported harmfulness of America’s historic statuary, and that this fixation automatically obliges Futter’s accordance, how did she arrive at the accompanying awareness that Teddy’s statue “explicitly depicts black and Indigenous people as subjugated and racially inferior”? 

Radical sociologist and author James Loewen on national tour: Like we always say, irony is lost on Leftists!

We contend that Miss Futter’s inclusion of the adverb explicitly rings hollow. Surely, that is at best a subjective inference, suggesting more about Futter than Teddy. The African African and American Indian are simply marching at Teddy’s side–and rather dignifiedly so, we might add.  They don’t look remotely inferior. In fact, they look  proud to be there. The sculptor intended the figures to symbolize North America and Africa, both continents associated with Roosevelt’s adventures. True, TR is astride a horse whereas his minority companions are afoot, but it’s Teddy’s statue. It wasn’t, in fact, until 1999 that the accusation of racism was applied to the statue by far-left sociologist James Loewen. whose inelegantly titled opus, Lies Across America:, originated the notion that TR’s statue was intended to connote–wait for it– white supremacy.

Condi’s quandary…

Amid the dithering, someone remembered to ask Condoleezza Rice’s opinion. “I actually don’t know why anybody wants to defend the Confederacy and Confederate monuments,” said the first Black (as well as the first female) Secretary of State, as well as the first Black (as well as the first female) National Security Advisor, who served in both capacities during the Republican administration of George W. Bush. But, Condi observed, “I also don’t know why anybody wants to tear down a statue of Abraham Lincoln…which was actually funded by freed slaves,” (recently carted off for scrap in Massachusetts) “So this has gotten a little out of control, frankly. I don’t want to be the Soviet Union where we’re trying to erase history.”

This has gotten out of control, people! Don’t be the Soviet Union!

Erasing history more sensibly….

In July, the House of Representatives passed a $740 billion national defense bill despite progressives’ long-standing abhorrence of such expenditures, but added a rider mandating the removal of the names of Confederate soldiers and their leaders from all military properties in the country. In the Senate, the Republican majority responded with its customary courage and vision, declaring their more sober and responsible version of the legislation would do exactly the same thing, but over three years. Once more proving himself an unregenerate bigot, at least according to every establishment news network and daily, Donald Trump vowed to veto the bill, notwithstanding its newly acquired sobriety and vision.  Of course, doing so would mean depriving the military of funding, which could result in considerably more devastation to the homeland than Antifa is capable of inflicting.

In other words, our version will do all the same stupid stuff–but it will do it a lot slower!

Blows against the Confederacy!

Philadelphia abolitionist Matthias Baldwin, positively red in the face at becoming an Antifa target.

Besides Teddy Roosevelt and Abraham Lincoln, other statues desecrated, toppled, or demolished by felons, (sorry, we meant to say social justice activists) as repayment for southern racism include such notorious Confederate sympathizers as Ulysses S. Grant, the famous Black abolitionist Frederick Douglass, a Seattle statue commemorating the grunge band Soundgarden’s front man, Chris Cornell, a statue honoring abolitionist Matthias Baldwin, and one of Mahatma Gandhi, desecrated outside the Indian embassy in D.C.. Thomas Jefferson’s statue outside Jefferson High School in Portland was sent sprawling, and, of course, statues of Christopher Columbus were scattered like bowling pins wherever encountered. Also targeted were Polish Revolutionary War hero Thaddeus Kosciuszko, and statues commemorating the landing of Ponce de Leon at Melbourne Beach and Bayfront Park, Florida. For good measure, a statue of Viking explorer Thorfinn Karlsefni was dumped into Pennsylvania’s Schuylkill River by indignant Antifa members whose precise rationale–as so often–remains elusive. 

Black Lives Matter protesters visit long-overdue social justice on the infamous Confederate partisan, Mahatma Gandhi.

Shaun King, BLM’s erstwhile person of color may have turned White, but his status as an idiot remains unassailed.

Man who demanded all-Black Jesuses turns White!

Elsewhere, that irredeemable son of the Confederacy, Democrat Mayor Frank Rizzo of Philadelphia, was smashed. Franciscan priest Junipero Serra, and Francis Scott Key–author of our national anthem, both felt the wrath of social justice. The George Washington statue in Chicago’s Washington Park was vandalized, and a white hood placed on Washington’s head. Shortly afterward, Jesus Christ transpired to be a symbol of white supremacy. Far-left BLM strategist, and famous idiot, Shaun King, tweeted that statues of Jesus Christ should be torn down to protest the Savior’s depiction as White. King also demanded the destruction of all “murals and stained glass windows of white Jesus, and his European mother, and their white friends.” Like we said, Mr. King is an idiot, and now seemingly a “cancelled” idiot, being recently relieved of his leadership in Black Lives Matter not because he’s an idiot, but because accusations recently surfaced that he is actually Caucasian, posing as Black. These accusations won him the mistrust of BLM’s founders despite their also being White, as well as boastfully Red. (Hint to readers intellectually crippled by the NEA and/or Common Core: “Red” means communist. We’ll explain later.)

Down with the National Anthem? Maybe BLM is Team Kate Smith?

Jesus beheaded in Miami for acting White..

In Minnesota, Duluth’s hopelessly un-woke NAACP chapter expressed outrage when civil rights crusaders vandalized the Clayton Jackson McGhie Memorial, which commemorates three black men lynched after being falsely accused of rape. In Denver, Colorado, a sculpture commemorating the victims of the Armenian genocide was vandalized and inexplicably splattered with anti-cop graffiti.  In Cleveland, the Soldiers & Sailors monument in the city’s downtown was judged intolerably racist by “demonstrators” who not only vandalized it, but took the time to remove and desecrate the monument’s American flag during a May riot described as a peaceful protest by the media. 

In Birmingham, Alabama, a 97-year-old memorial honoring those who lost their lives in World War I was defaced by demonstrators who tried to pull the statue off its base, but failed. The statue was removed anyway, after the rioters dispersed, by woke city officials. Meanwhile, a monument honoring the 54th Regiment of African-American soldiers who fought the Confederacy in the Civil War was reduced to rubble.  Not to be outdone, the fascist wing of the radical Left, (nowadays called the “Alt Right” by hopelessly discombobulated progressives), managed some risible non-sequiturs of its own.  In June, for instance, a Confederate cemetery in North Carolina was vandalized by cretins who emphasized their distaste for racial inequality by spraying swastikas all over the graveyard.


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