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Archive for the ‘“Moving West” forum’ Category


In "Moving West" forum on December 18, 2012 at 8:18 am

WOOF is saddened to report that South Carolina’s beautiful and talented Governor, Nikki Haley, chose to ignore the excellent advice she received in these pages last week, and jolted patriots everywhere with her surprise pick of Tim Scott, formerly of the House of Representatives, to replace the outgoing Jim DeMint who has been pressured by unknown conspirators into leaving office, ostensibly to become the Director of the moderate political think tank, the Heritage Foundation.

Haley under obvious pressure to drop the West  appointment did not mention his name during Scott's official naming.

Haley under obvious pressure to drop the West appointment did not mention him during Scott’s official naming.

Haley, looking lovely in a sensible, muted purple dress suit, insisted, “It is with great pleasure that I am announcing our next U.S. senator to be Congressman Tim Scott,” Haley added, “I am strongly convinced that the entire state understands that this is the right U.S. senator for our state and our country.” Shocked observers noted the glaring omission of any mention of the alternative selectee, former Florida Representative Allen West, whom WOOF recommended to Nikki Haley in a stroke of political-cum-Machiavellian genius only last week. What prevented the striking South

Clearly caught off guard by his appointment in West's stead, Scott vows to live up to his surprise selection!

Clearly caught off guard by his appointment in West’s stead, Scott vows to make the most of his surprise selection!

Carolina Governor from so much as explaining her motives in ignoring WOOF’s plan for this Senate selection that we offered together with complete instructions on how to finesse the minor residency issues?  Who got to Nikki Haley? WOOF wishes to emphasize two points here despite its undeniable disappointment in the Governor’s actions. First, no matter what sort of pressure was brought against her by the Worldwide Totalitarian Socialist Conspiracy, WOOF believes that this irresponsible action by the Governor is the exception rather than the rule in a career of solid, all-American right-wingery; and WOOF continues to believe that Nikki Haley is a fine American and a true patriot deserving of our continued support. Also, WOOF believes that Tim Scott will prove a beneficial addition to the roster of Republican Senators in Washington, inasmuch as he has, while in the House, acquired the reputation of being a fine exemplar of center-right politics and middle American ideals.

Further, WOOF magnanimously congratulates Senator Scott on his elevation to the upper body of Congress,

Colonel West appears grateful for WOOF's support despite last minute dumping by Haley.

Colonel West appears grateful for WOOF’s support despite last minute dumping by Haley.

but simultaneously enjoins him to carry forth the fight that Representative West was championing in the House of Representatives. Senator Scott, sir, with all respect, Allen West knows, we know, and we believe you know the facts. As Congressman West bravely stated, “There’s about 78 to 81 members of the Democratic Party that are members of the Communist Party.” WOOF’s special file on communist subversion at the highest levels of government and elsewhere inside America, Classic Western Home-runs (it’s code!) confirms these figures but also includes the names of quite a few communists and fellow travelers in the Senate as well! Pledge now, sir, we beg you; while there is still time! Carry on Congressman West’s valiant fight against the enemies of America who flourish in both legislative bodies and throughout the subversive news media! Hunt them down—hunt them even to the Oval Office, but carry on the good fight! WOOF is undeniably sorry that unnamed, clandestine, nefarious combinations succeeded in dissuading Governor Haley from pursuing WOOF’s common-sense policy proposal that she appoint Allen West to the Senate—but this is your time, Senator Tim Scott; and is there any among us who will not say, “Take it to the enemy within–and give ‘em what they have coming, sir!”

Remember, Senator Scott—Thomas Jefferson once shot a man on the White House lawn for treason!* Can any of us aspire, in our own ways and within the compass of our own talents and opportunities, to do less?  Good luck, Senator Scott, and God’s speed!

Fact: Halle Berry appeared in the movie "Swordfish."

Fact: Halle Berry appeared in the movie “Swordfish.”

*In its ongoing efforts to maintain only the highest standards of online journalism, WOOF wishes to acknowledge that Thomas Jefferson almost certainly did not shoot anybody on the White House lawn, despite considerable Internet debate on the issue. The story seems to have arisen from John Travolta’s advertence to such an event in the film “Swordfish,” which was a good movie, and we just like the quote. The writers of “Swordfish” are rumored to have misconstrued a distorted version of the shooting of Vince Foster on the White House lawn by Hillary Clinton—but WOOF has never been able to confirm that event, either!

Jane Fonda, seen here manning a Communist anti-aircraft gun during the Vietnam War is one of many traitors we know Thomas Jefferson did not shoot.

Jane Fonda, seen here manning a Communist anti-aircraft gun during the Vietnam War is one of many traitors we know Thomas Jefferson did not shoot.


In "Moving West" forum on December 12, 2012 at 6:57 am
mr smith

Jimmy Stewart setting the precedent for surprise Congressional picks!

Well! As loyal WOOF readers are undoubtedly aware, that fireball of whimsicality Jim DeMint suddenly ditched his Senate seat last week, ostensibly to roll to the moderate Heritage Foundation where he claims he can make a more meaningful contribution. DeMint made a predictably insulse speech to this effect leaving WOOF all the more convinced the commies forced him from office some how, but that, dear readers is not the point of this commentary! To find the excitement in this plodding narrative, and there’s plenty of it, one needs to examine the ramifications of DeMint’s departure, namely that the beautiful and talented Nikki Haley, hot conservative governor of South Carolina, is now at liberty to appoint a successor to DeMint.

S.C. Governor Nikki Haley set to make historic pick?

S.C. Governor Nikki Haley (R) set to make historic pick?

Haley originally argued against replacing DeMint with a “caretaker” Senator (you know, like Jimmy Stewart in that Mr. Smith movie?) but seems now increasingly of a mind to do exactly that. Along these lines, Haley is reported to be considering David Wilkins, former South Carolina House speaker and ex-U.S. ambassador to Canada, to which WOOF says “boring!” She is also being urged to appoint Rep. Tim Scott whose boosters insist that he is ideally qualified because he’s Black, and the Republicans on the Hill want Black senators because they don’t currently have any—and frankly, WOOF’s only objection to Scott is that in 2008, in the process of his election to the South Carolina House of Representatives (District 117) he apparently defeated Bill Cosby—and we really kind of liked Bill Cosby in I Spy. That was a good show.

That aside, many are crying out for a racially-based pick. Conservative blogger Erik Erickson (not to be confused with the childhood development specialist who reshaped developmental psychology without ever going to school for it) recently tweeted, “Gov. Nikki Haley now has the ability to give the US Senate its only black Senator — a conservative from South Carolina named Tim Scott.” The appointment of a Black would indeed have historical merit since no black Republican senator has been sent to Congress since Edward Brooke, who represented Massachusetts, and of course anybody can do that.

Fact: Kim Novak was in two Jimmy Stewart movies, but not in "Mr. Smith Goes to Washington."

Fact: Kim Novak was in two Jimmy Stewart movies, but not in “Mr. Smith Goes to Washington.”

BUT, why not go for the gold here, Nikki Haley? Consider this one all-important question, Madame Governor:  Has Tim Scott ever pointed out that there are “About 78 to 81 members of the Democratic Party that are members of the Communist Party”? The simple and disappointing answer is, NO!  Allen West said that, not Tim Scott! So what can you do, Governor Haley, to ensure the very finest available individual returns to Washington in the service of your state, and simultaneously satisfy the racial issue? Simple! Appoint Allen West, and get the best of everything! Brilliant? You’re darn right it’s brilliant! And luckily for South Carolina, Colonel West is up for grabs having been gerrymandered out of his job in Florida’s 22nd Congressional District where blunt-witted liberal establishment voters ousted him last November, replacing him with Global Warming enthusiast Patrick Murphy, whose recommendations for office include a history of public drunkenness, verbal abuse of police officers, and having a rich daddy who paid for his campaign ads.

Governor Haley, appoint Allen West, American patriot, war hero, and commie-bashing  crusading Congressman to represent your state in the Senate! Send him back where he can do the most damage to the Liberal Totalitarian Socialist Establishment, Governor!  This is a golden opportunity; don’t let it slip through your fingers! And if you’re worried by the small detail that Colonel West is not a resident of South Carolina—don’t concern yourself! He can grab an apartment in Charleston and visit occasionally.  Remember, Hillary Clinton got elected to the senate from New York, despite never having lived there, through the simple expedient of moving into a newly purchased home in Chappaqua– thereby throwing her pants suit into the ring in 2000 and handily winning the seat vacated by Daniel Patrick Moynihan.  Think about the opportunity here, Governor Haley! Just think about it, and then– do your patriotic duty!

Allen West--contemplating a move?

Allen West–contemplating a move?

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