SIXTEEN YEARS WITHOUT WARMING DISMISSED AS FLUKE AT UN!
The UNITED NATIONS has drawn upon all its resources, summoning a veritable army of Leftist Hollywood types, subversive meteorological shake-down artists and the usual gaggle of mentally incapacitated journalists to the far-off metropolis of Doha in the (always balmy) Arab principality of Qatar, where the 18th Annual United Nations climate summit has convened to deal with a true global crises—sixteen straight years without statistically measurable evidence of any global warming. Prior to the release of his (Academy Award winning) comedy feature, “An Inconvenient Truth,” former vice president (and President-manque) Albert Gore prophesied that Earthlings had only ten years left before we fried like sautéed chitlins and the onrushing oceans engulfed the east and west coasts of the United States; but anti-anticlimactically enough, nothing much has changed, and the U.N. is addressing this concern. Gore issued his now-infamous prediction on January 27th, 2006, after which he moved rapidly, if inexplicably, to purchase opulently expensive properties in both San Francisco and Florida, both of which, if his forecasts held water, would be fully and permanently submerged within a decade.
WOOF readers are also aware that in 2004 the West Hudson Bay Polar bear population was estimated by the United Nations to be a paltry 935 and “declining” with a “very high” risk of extinction by this year, 2012, unless “man made global warming” was brought to a halt. Today the polar-bear population is estimated at well over 1,000, not counting the ones that beautiful and talented Governor Sarah Palin is accused of shooting in her spare time, while the planet Mars is reported by astronomers to be suffering more intense global warming than Earth despite a (presumed) absence of Palin expeditions, SUVs, and flatulent cattle.
Regular recipients of WOOF ALERTS will recall that WOOF rallied to the aid of a Polar Bear who was nearly beaten to death by Global Warmists during the 2009 Bella Center global climate summit in Copenhagen when he had the ursine temerity to raise a bullhorn to his muzzle and demand “Where’s Phil Jones?” repeatedly. The bear was in earnest of confronting the weather-scamming meteorologist Phil Jones of the Climatic Research Unit at Britain’s University of East Anglia whose hacked emails had revealed the scientist’s consternation over the absence of authentic Global Warming data and exposed Jones advising his peers that the “trick” would be to “hide the decline” of such data in order to perpetuate the climate-shift humbug. The bear with the bullhorn was mobbed and roughed up by insensate Leftists, but escaped with his life, while Jones (who had skipped the conference, apparently in order to avoid a confrontation with the bear), resigned in disgrace subsequently. The polar bear, whose name, WOOF subsequently learned, was Phelim, reportedly returned to his beloved native Arctic while Jones has continued to issue addle pate meteorological prognostications, each at hilarious variance with those preceding it, and each increasingly ignored, even by his embarrassed fellow WARMING advocates.
WOOF’s scientists and researchers also discovered recently that planetary warming during the second half of the 10th Century is believed to have slightly exceeded the earth’s mid-20th Century warming trends, and the complete absence of any statistically significant warming whatsoever for the last 16 years (UK Daily Mail: ‘Claim that there has been any statistically significant warming for past 16 years is therefore unsustainable’ — Reaffirms ‘a 16-year ‘pause’ in rising temps’) seems yet another fly in the tropospheric ointment. Unimpeded by these data, the fans of febrile climatology gathered in full and unanimous voice in old Qatar, issuing serial proclamations of impending doom (between canapes and designer mineral waters), until the well known and fearlessly outspoken British patriot Lord Christopher Monckton (who, reportedly, was not dressed as a polar bear), slipped into the empty seat reserved for whichever faceless, benighted clot-poll officially represented the nation of Myanmar and turned on the microphone long enough to inform the conference attendees that,”In the 16 years we have been coming to these conferences, there has been no global warming.”
In the immediate aftermath of his politically-incorrect interjection, Monckton was set upon by the throng with a virulent animosity reminiscent of that formerly visited upon the hapless Phelim in Copenhagan, and dragged from the hall by U.N. security officers who stripped him of his
perfectly valid U.N. credentials on the spot and cast him into the heat of the Qatar noonday, whilst inside various offended dignitaries gathered to sip beverages and militate for his Lordship’s immediate deportation from the country. Yes, it continues to be risky business, speaking truth to the jet-set Panjandrums of the Socialist Ruling Elite, whether in science, the academy, or the arts—but WOOF knows Lord Monckton will not be deterred, nor shall we be, as we continue to update our loyal, patriotic readership on the distortions, deceptions, and wrathful effronteries of the meteorological wing of the Worldwide Totalitarian Socialist Conspiracy that created and governs the subversive United Nations and seeks to suborn not only the entire population, but the innocent men and women who report the weather across this mighty and still-semi-free island of inspiration and liberty we call America! Indeed, Lord Monckton, “It is hard for thee to kick against the pricks” (Acts 9: 5-6), but we here at WOOF are right there with you, old sport, and we’re still kicking too!
Further updates as weather permits!