WOOF! Watchdogs of Our Freedom


                                       TRYING TO GET IN TOUCH WITH US?

contact us

We have heard from many of our beloved readers that they would like to get in touch with us…and this is a problem, admittedly, because we are paranoid, hunted individuals (although doggedly playful) who huddle in our secret headquarters in a secret cave, the mouth of which is exposed only during low tides along the Atlantic coast. The telephone is not a good option because it would be too easily tapped into by the nefarious powers with whom we courageously contend on a quotidian basis—so that’s out. And “snail mail” is impossible, first because we resent having the government in charge of mail delivery and are working to have the entire system privatized, and second because our cave does not have a postal address. And it is also impossible to communicate with us by short wave radio, because we don’t have one and they sound complicated and high maintenance, so forget it.

RECENTLY, however, one of our technologically gifted secret members associated with our ultra-classified Science & Technology Directorate, reconfigured the device we formerly played “Pong” on so that it can now receive and transmit emails. So we realized we could communicate with you through the very same ether of cyberspace that supports our WOOF forums, at least now that we’ve quit sending them by envelope….which took a while, especially having to Thermofax each copy. But now, thanks to this latest scientific breakthrough, you can get in touch with us in the new-fangled way!

If you need money or armed intervention on your behalf, WOOF regrets that it is not currently positioned to render assistance in these areas. Maybe you should call The Equalizer—remember him? That was a good show. But if you just want to say something–and many of you obviously do– and it’s too important to risk leaving at a drop site, we promise to keep your messages pretty much between us (and the NSA, of course). So go ahead and contact us at this address:


Ta-dahhh! But please don’t pass this information around, all right? We need to keep this communications breakthrough between ourselves for now, so keep reading WOOF and remember–we’re always here for you! Nobody else though! Just you!  

(Caution:  contacting WOOF by email has been proven to cause increases in drone surveillance, telephone anomalies, Internet and other power disturbances, black helicopter overflights, and may be linked to tax problems, paranormal events, and MIB visitations. If you experience any of these problems, cease use immediately and contact us by carrier pigeon!)
  1. Hey fellow ‘watchdogs’…take a peek within re Benghazigate, as it relates to your latest email’s reference to the Blind Sheikh, but do take special note of the following commentary’s date, just one week after Benghazigate exploded – http://adinakutnicki.com/2012/09/19/6973/

    Adina Kutnicki, Israel http://adinakutnicki.com/about/

  2. And, another thing – I am duly in YOUR debt. How so? Well, just got off a long conference call – with those who shall remain nameless, or else… – updating me on matters re the upcoming firestorm on my borders. So, even though Israel is tinier than many U.S. counties, there is close and closer…thereby, living northward, within spitting distance of the Hezbollah barbarians, and their Syrian/Iranian counterparts, one can safely assume that it is getting quite depressing.

    Alas, along comes some magically delicious commentary, courtesy of your About page via my new WOOF friends – and I laughed…and laughed…and am still chuckling.

    Toda rabah (thanks in Hebrew, I am definitely in need of some comic relief, though the subject matter is very serious, but if you can’t laugh…) from your compatriot in Israel!

    Adina Kutnicki

  3. Whoever you guys are- I will be beside you on bended knee, tinfoil hat akimbo, big grin on my face, the day Jesus finally comes down from the clouds to reconcile this mess. I’ll be all “I told you so!” to the heathens, and I’m sure you will just be quiet, because of being humble and all. Either way, it has been my greatest pleasure to have trudged the road of happy destiny with you thus far. May God keep you in His loving grace, gentle author. Yours, an adoring fan.

  4. A link to a satirical essay I wrote- enjoy!

  5. Looks like an average day in the WOOF cave—but readers are free to draw their own conclusions respecting the above item; it seems to pose a classic dilemma, forcing a choice between libertarian and social conservatism, and we fusionists hate to split our forces! –Ed.

  6. Hey Woof- looking for the blog post that featured a discussion about the type of gun liberals typically keep under the bed. It was a post about second amendment rights. I couldn’t seem to locate it in the archives. Much thanks for your help!

  7. Since this seems to be where everyone posts questions you don’t answer elsewhere, I have one of my own. I am reliably informed (I think) that you once published an item to the effect that John Lennon became a supporter of Ronald Reagan a year or so before his death– is this true, and if so, where can I locate your item about this?

  8. You are, indeed, informed reliably, Grammar Guru, at least insofar as we published the item you mention–but your informant must be a loyal Woofketeer of long standing, because the item was circulated during our previous avatar– before we debuted on the Internet. That’s why it’s not in our archives. None of WOOF’s email-era material survives, but back when we sent WOOF ALERTS to a select few via email, we did in fact send out a story (the source for which was a close friend of Lennon’s) that the Beatle’s rhythm guitarist and most annoyingly radical activist had become a Reaganite prior to his death. We cannot in good conscience insist that the story is “true,” because we have only the friend’s word to go on, but we did check out a source for you (in the British press) where you can review a similar report and decide for yourself. Click here: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2009562/John-Lennon-closet-conservative-fan-Reagan.html

    Oh, and if your friend next tells you that we once reported that Osama bin Laden was his own sister, that’s also correct, although calling it “true” might be a bit of a stretch. –Ed.

  9. Rinaldi by Handel?

  10. We heretofore thought it was “Rinaldo” dear S, but as a mark of our devotion, we shall henceforth call it Rinaldi, and nothing else but! Be well!–Ed.

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