TRYING TO GET IN TOUCH WITH US?
We have heard from many of our beloved readers that they would like to get in touch with us…and this is a problem, admittedly, because we are paranoid, hunted individuals (although doggedly playful) who huddle in our secret headquarters in a secret cave, the mouth of which is exposed only during low tides along the Atlantic coast. The telephone is not a good option because it would be too easily tapped into by the nefarious powers with whom we courageously contend on a quotidian basis—so that’s out. And “snail mail” is impossible, first because we resent having the government in charge of mail delivery and are working to have the entire system privatized, and second because our cave does not have a postal address. And it is also impossible to communicate with us by short wave radio, because we don’t have one and they sound complicated and high maintenance, so forget it.
RECENTLY, however, one of our technologically gifted secret members associated with our ultra-classified Science & Technology Directorate, reconfigured the device we formerly played “Pong” on so that it can now receive and transmit emails. So we realized we could communicate with you through the very same ether of cyberspace that supports our WOOF forums, at least now that we’ve quit sending them by envelope….which took a while, especially having to Thermofax each copy. But this raises a new problem—namely, whose name should our emails be sent from? When we established an account that just said WOOF, all our emails went to the recipients’ spam boxes, which is worse than it sounds, apparently. So we set up an account with a different service in one of our member’s names, namely John Paul Jones of the afore-mentioned ultra-classified Science & Technology Directorate. Of course, John Paul Jones isn’t his real name, because that’s secret. But whoever he is, he will be pleased to receive your emails, if you feel like you absolutely have to get it touch with us about something.
If you need money or armed intervention on your behalf, WOOF regrets that it is not currently positioned to render assistance in these areas. Maybe you should call The Equalizer—remember him? That was a good show. Anyway, if you want something else, or need to tell us something too important to be left at a drop site—go ahead and contact us at this address:
Okay, well, we hope this helps! Keep reading WOOF and remember you can now contact us at the above address–if you think it’s really necessary!