WOOF! Watchdogs of Our Freedom

CONTACT US?

                                       TRYING TO GET IN TOUCH WITH US?

contact us

We have heard from many of our beloved readers that they would like to get in touch with us…and this is a problem, admittedly, because we are paranoid, hunted individuals (although doggedly playful) who huddle in our secret headquarters in a secret cave, the mouth of which is exposed only during low tides along the Atlantic coast. The telephone is not a good option because it would be too easily tapped into by the nefarious powers with whom we courageously contend on a quotidian basis—so that’s out. And “snail mail” is impossible, first because we resent having the government in charge of mail delivery and are working to have the entire system privatized, and second because our cave does not have a postal address. And it is also impossible to communicate with us by short wave radio, because we don’t have one and they sound complicated and high maintenance, so forget it.

RECENTLY, however, one of our technologically gifted secret members associated with our ultra-classified Science & Technology Directorate, reconfigured the device we formerly played “Pong” on so that it can now receive and transmit emails. So we realized we could communicate with you through the very same ether of cyberspace that supports our WOOF forums, at least now that we’ve quit sending them by envelope….which took a while, especially having to Thermofax each copy. But this raises a new problem—namely, whose name should our emails be sent from?  When we established an account that just said WOOF, all our emails went to the recipients’ spam boxes, which is worse than it sounds, apparently. So we set up an account with a different service in one of our member’s names, namely John Paul Jones of the afore-mentioned ultra-classified Science & Technology Directorate. Of course, John Paul Jones isn’t his real name, because that’s secret. But whoever he is, he will be pleased to receive your emails, if you feel like you absolutely have to get it touch with us about something.

If you need money or armed intervention on your behalf, WOOF regrets that it is not currently positioned to render assistance in these areas. Maybe you should call The Equalizer—remember him? That was a good show. Anyway, if you want something else, or need to tell us something too important to be left at a drop site—go ahead and contact us at this address:

watchdogsofourfreedom@gmail.com

 Okay, well, we hope this helps! Keep reading WOOF and remember you can now contact us at the above address–if you think it’s really necessary!

(Caution:  contacting WOOF by email has been proven to cause increases in drone surveillance, telephone anomalies, Internet and other power disturbances, black helicopter overflights, and may be linked to tax problems, paranormal events, and MIB visitations.)
  1. Hey fellow ‘watchdogs’…take a peek within re Benghazigate, as it relates to your latest email’s reference to the Blind Sheikh, but do take special note of the following commentary’s date, just one week after Benghazigate exploded – http://adinakutnicki.com/2012/09/19/6973/

    Adina Kutnicki, Israel http://adinakutnicki.com/about/

  2. And, another thing – I am duly in YOUR debt. How so? Well, just got off a long conference call – with those who shall remain nameless, or else… – updating me on matters re the upcoming firestorm on my borders. So, even though Israel is tinier than many U.S. counties, there is close and closer…thereby, living northward, within spitting distance of the Hezbollah barbarians, and their Syrian/Iranian counterparts, one can safely assume that it is getting quite depressing.

    Alas, along comes some magically delicious commentary, courtesy of your About page via my new WOOF friends – and I laughed…and laughed…and am still chuckling.

    Toda rabah (thanks in Hebrew, I am definitely in need of some comic relief, though the subject matter is very serious, but if you can’t laugh…) from your compatriot in Israel!

    Adina Kutnicki

  3. Whoever you guys are- I will be beside you on bended knee, tinfoil hat akimbo, big grin on my face, the day Jesus finally comes down from the clouds to reconcile this mess. I’ll be all “I told you so!” to the heathens, and I’m sure you will just be quiet, because of being humble and all. Either way, it has been my greatest pleasure to have trudged the road of happy destiny with you thus far. May God keep you in His loving grace, gentle author. Yours, an adoring fan.


  4. A link to a satirical essay I wrote- enjoy!

  5. Looks like an average day in the WOOF cave—but readers are free to draw their own conclusions respecting the above item; it seems to pose a classic dilemma, forcing a choice between libertarian and social conservatism, and we fusionists hate to split our forces! –Ed.

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