TRYING TO GET IN TOUCH WITH US?
We have heard from many of our beloved readers that they would like to get in touch with us…and this is a problem, admittedly, because we are paranoid, hunted individuals (although doggedly playful) who huddle in our secret headquarters in a secret cave, the mouth of which is exposed only during low tides along the Atlantic coast. The telephone is not a good option because it would be too easily tapped into by the nefarious powers with whom we courageously contend on a quotidian basis—so that’s out. And “snail mail” is impossible, first because we resent having the government in charge of mail delivery and are working to have the entire system privatized, and second because our cave does not have a postal address. And it is also impossible to communicate with us by short wave radio, because we don’t have one and they sound complicated and high maintenance, so forget it.
RECENTLY, however, one of our technologically gifted secret members associated with our ultra-classified Science & Technology Directorate, reconfigured the device we formerly played “Pong” on so that it can now receive and transmit emails. So we realized we could communicate with you through the very same ether of cyberspace that supports our WOOF forums, at least now that we’ve quit sending them by envelope….which took a while, especially having to Thermofax each copy. But now, thanks to this latest scientific breakthrough, you can get in touch with us in the new-fangled way!
If you need money or armed intervention on your behalf, WOOF regrets that it is not currently positioned to render assistance in these areas. Maybe you should call The Equalizer—remember him? That was a good show. But if you just want to say something–and many of you obviously do– and it’s too important to risk leaving at a drop site, we promise to keep your messages pretty much between us (and the NSA, of course). So go ahead and contact us at this address:
Ta-dahhh! But please don’t pass this information around, all right? We need to keep this communications breakthrough between ourselves for now, so keep reading WOOF and remember–we’re always here for you! Nobody else though! Just you!