Last August, President Obama telephoned NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory in Pasadena, California, to congratulate them on the successful landing of the Mars “Curiosity” rover, telling the scientists, “If in fact you do make contact with Martians, please let me know right away!” What was the President covering up? The question became all the more urgent with this week’s announcement and subsequent denial that “Curiosity” had made an “earthshaking” discovery on Mars!
Let’s get the MARTIAN kerfuffle in perspective, objectively and rationally, shall we? To begin with, we all know one solid fact: We’re being lied to! No sooner had the NASA Mars Project spokesman John Grotzinger of Cal-tech at Pasadena been quoted by the subversives at National Public Radio as saying, “This data is gonna be one for the history books,” (regarding the recent top secret discovery by the Martian rover) then he was sold down the river by his fellow project coordinators, especially NASA spokesman Chris McKay of the Ames Research Center at Moffel Field, California, who hastened to the microphones to insist that “This is going to be a disappointment, the press description of the…results as ‘earthshaking’ is, in my view, an unfortunate exaggeration. We have not found anything…that was not already known from previous missions…” Sounds like Roswell, doesn’t it? First the USAAF had a crashed disc, and then it didn’t! But when Grotzinger spoke of “history books,” he gave the game away in our view. The hush up, according to WOOF’S secret source inside the Goddard Space Center in Maryland, was directed from the oval office—or at least from the campaign trail, since the current resident of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue never spends time in the depressingly proletarian surroundings of the oval office. So what was discovered that required the sudden Presidential clamp down?
As followers of WOOF’S science and paranormal alerts are well aware, MARS is every bit as hollow as our native planet—a fact clearly observable in close-up photographs that depict the hole at the Martian North Pole with stark clarity. But this is unlikely to be the secret unearthed by the Curiosity rover if only because it was carefully calculated that it land nowhere near the polar openings precisely in order to preserve the unscientific and insupportable theory of planetary solidity so beloved of the obscurantist purveyors of Socialist “science” to which our children are routinely subjected in public school. No, what the Curiosity Rover almost certainly stumbled across was entirely earthly in origin. In order to even begin to address this issue without undergoing domestic drone attack, certain respectable periodicals have begun speaking to us in Delphic phrases. Recently (September 25, 2012) The Christian Science Monitor, for instance, published the headline “Why is Barack Obama’s Signature on Mars?” What were they trying to tell us? (view story here.) Simultaneously, a subversive TV comedian named Colbert who rose to tepid notoriety by imitating the moderate Fox News commentator, Bill O’Reilly, launched an ostensibly comic look into whether the President was in fact on Mars during his early life—a portion of time that recent critics
have pointed out has almost nothing to do with the fabrications fobbed off as his (two) autobiographies, at least one of which was ghost written by the retired terror bomber Bill Ayers. But this Colbert individual is a well- known Leftist flak who seeks to do the regime’s bidding by making many of the most serious allegations against the Democrat ruling class seem laugh worthy. What shocking reality in particular, we must therefore ask ourselves, is Colbert currently attempting to cause to appear frivolous? The answer may lie in the testimony of one brave space-and-time-traveling attorney named Andrew D. Basiago, 50, of Washington State who has revealed that he was part of the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency’s (DARPA’s) time-and-space-travel program “Project Pegasus” in the mid ‘70s. Bolstering this testimony is that of William B. Stillings, 44, who has come forth to state that he too was enlisted in the Pegasus Program owing to his technological brilliance. Why does any of this matter? Because both men have confirmed that Barry Soetoro (now known as Barack Hussein Obama) was a student in their Mars training class in 1980. Both men subsequently spotted Obama in the course of visiting DARPA facilities on the Red Planet between 1981 and 1983. Obama was evidently one of ten teenagers enrolled in the Martian training program of that era, along with a young lady named Regina Dugan—who, our readers will be interested to discover, just happened to become President Obama’s hand-picked designee to run DARPA in 2009—coincidence?
An important aspect of Basiago’s and Stillings’s story (viewable here ) is that transportation to Mars was achieved by traveling through an apparatus called “the jump room” situated in a building leased to the Hughes Aircraft Corporation at 999 N. Sepulveda Boulevard in El Segundo, California, across from the Los Angeles International Airport. This “jump room” also appears to have chrononautical applications (meaning time travel) thus enabling Obama—at least in theory– to carry out the relocation to Mars of a great many controversial items, among them, WOOF speculates, his actual birth certificate, his college records, his applications to college as a native of Kenya, his documentation of how he received a social security card issued in Connecticut where he never lived, and the truth about his massive collection of autographed David Cassidy posters, lunchboxes, DELL comics, and other sundries. Clearly, owing to trans-chronological attributes of the DARPA technology, many of these items could have been secluded on Mars before they actually existed! It is most likely, in the opinion of WOOF’S experts on the Obama cover up, that it was young Obama’s dismal college grades as well as his subversive college thesis that were actually unearthed by the Curiosity Rover, decades after Obama personally relocated them to the Martian surface to be hidden for all time—or so he thought! Will the American people ever hear the truth about these matters? Sadly it seems inevitable that NASA will cover this up, along with so much else of ancient and recent interest, and return to its chief preoccupation of Muslim outreach to which Obama consigned it upon taking office in January of 2009—but you, dear WOOF reader—you have now read with your own eyes what is almost certainly the solid set of facts that only a courageous few dare divulge or speak of! The truth about Barry Soetoro lies beneath the russet dust of the Martian wasteland, dear reader. Do you need further evidence?
Investigative journalist Spencer Ackerman recently challenged the White House to come clean about everything we have told you here, and was told by Tommy Vietor of the National Security Counsel, officially, that Obama has never visited Mars, adding, “Only if you count watching Marvin the Martian on TV.” Very funny, Mr. Vietor. If that’s your name! Do you we really require more evidence than this denial, fellow patriots? Do you really?
WOOF will continue to monitor the Martian Rover/Obama-on-Mars story and bring you breaking insights as they are gleaned!