WOOF, as steady readers are aware, nearly nominated William F. Buckley Jr. for the upcoming Republican presidential nomination in 2012. Readers new to this tradition should be apprised that the Constitution at no juncture stipulates that a presidential nominee or sitting President be alive. WOOF wavered however, over the summer, considering whether the attractive, and brilliantly talented former Miss Venezuela, (and Miss World Teen) Maria Conchita Alonso, might prove a likely substitute. Readers will recall that Miss Alonso confronted the known communist Sean Penn (American Thespian/Vulgarian) at the luggage claim section of LAX,, accurately denouncing him as a “communist as*hole” and haranguing him for supporting Venezuelan Red Kingpin, Hugo Chavez, whom, readers will recall, Evangelist Pat Robertson presciently but unavailingly advised the CIA to assassinate in 2005. WOOF generously offered to Photoshop a U.S. birth certificate for Miss Alonso in the event she decided to run, but Miss Alonso’s representatives have subsequently informed WOOF that the comely Cuban-born actress has more pressing engagements. Disappointed but undaunted, WOOF has pressed ahead in its review of likely candidates. WOOF has determined that these are desperate times for our nation demanding Americans of unique vision and performance—evincing a new and passionate level of individualism…and…possibly also dressed as ladybugs.
Yes, WOOF is courageously endorsing Christine O’Donnell! Smart? She was the only person at her ill-starred debate with the subversive Chris Coons (D, Del) back in 2010, who realized that “separation of church and state” is not in the First Amendment. This fact was lost on the socialist totalitarian network media which hooted gleefully for about a week at O’Donnell’s alleged failure to realize the language was the very heart and soul of the amendment, which no one to the left of John McCain ever seems to have read, including Comrade Coons! WOOF also recalls that Miss O’Donnell ran for the Senate in 2008, too, losing to the incumbent Joe Biden, who has since gone on to become America’s unofficial court jester (about which more below) in a 65% to 35% squeaker! Obviously Delawareans screwed up. It is also important, in our opinion, to take note of the fact that Miss O’Donnell is the ONLY candidate thus far in the election season to have categorically denied being a witch. Such denials from Governor Romney and Mr. Obama are conspicuous for their absence! WOOF has not communicated the good news of its endorsement to Miss O’Donnell yet, but her comments may reasonably be expected in the wake of our decision.
WOOF CONTEMPLATES: The mystery of Joe Biden
As recently as August of this year a Pew Survey found that 41% of those polled held a favorable opinion of Joe Biden, meaning, presumably, they didn’t consider him a laughable dunderhead and a hopeless embarrassment to his party, his nation, and Darwinists everywhere. [Not the actual language of the Survey]. Is there any hope for a nation in which over 40% of the people consider Joe Biden admirable? Or is the laughability factor a plus with some? In 1999 Al Gore’s vice presidential approval rating bottomed out at 47% after he explained that he’d been out of the room peeing a surfeit of ice tea when an illegal fundraising deal was consecrated at the His Lai (actual name!) Buddhist Temple in LA. Gore said this was “community outreach.” This was pretty funny, but it didn’t come close to most of Biden’s comedic sorties. And George Bush senior, who was never funny except for the time he barfed on the Japanese Prime Minister, never scored as low as Joe—and Dick Cheney? He was only funny when he went hunting and shot a hunter. He bottomed out at 44%, so presumably Americans aren’t simply looking for comic relief in a vice president; but 41% of us still see something there.
“IF I’VE LOST BIG BIRD, I’VE LOST THE COUNTRY!”
Many will recall—or maybe not so many—the famous remark by LBJ after watching Walter Cronkite throw the Viet Nam war in a 1968 newscast following the destruction of the Viet Cong during the Tet Offensive (a particularly bloody media event staged by the North Vietnamese Communists). Cronkite, in New York, having viewed the early footage, took to the airwaves to declare that the war “must end in stalemate.” Appalled, President Johnson ostensibly and in any case famously desponded, “If I’ve lost Cronkite, I’ve lost the country!” President Obama may be in even worse straits after releasing a particularly idiotic campaign commercial warning Americans that Romney’s intention to defund the subversive Public Broadcasting System would mean the end of Big Bird, a well known performer on the multi-billion dollar (non-profit and tax-payer supported) entertainment program “Sesame Street.”
Despite a history of liberal exhibitionism, including a particularly egregious performance dancing on the Great Wall of China shortly before the Chinese Communist massacres in Tiananmen Square, Big Bird apparently drew the line at being pressed into service by the Obama campaign and insisted the offending ad be removed from further broadcast. While Bird himself was not immediately available for comment, his legal representatives released the following statement on October 9th: “Sesame Workshop is a nonpartisan, nonprofit organization and we do not endorse candidates or participate in political campaigns. We have approved no campaign ads, and as is our general practice, have requested that the ad be taken down.” Experts tell WOOF the effects of Bird’s stinging rebuke may reach deep into Obama’s base where Bird is reported to be popular despite being a “one percenter.”
And finally, will Ayn Rand please call her office?
For reasons that bewildered objectivists, Christians, Libertarians and all of us here at WOOF’s secret headquarters, the producers of “Atlas Shrugged,” (the tripartite cinematic version of Ayn Rand’s classic novel), elected to release part one of their opus for critical review prior to placing it in theatres. What were they thinking? Besides wondering why the producers didn’t just wait until the film was all knit together, we also marveled at their willingness to feed its first installment to the New York/LA critical establishment to be ripped asunder like a gazelle swarmed by ravenous hyenas. But what WOOF finds truly worrisome is this published statement by “Atlas” producer John Aglialaro, quote: “The integrity of the critics are going off a cliff. Why should I give them the sword and they are just going to use to decapitate me with?” Boy, we hope he isn’t writing the script—who needs John Galt telling the world: “You has sacrifice justice to merciness, and happifulness too duty”?