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WOOF’s Second Anniversary HALLOWEEN Review: The Scariest Events of 2014

In "The horror...the horror!" forum on October 31, 2014 at 11:41 pm

Happy-Halloween

HAPPY 2nd BIRTHDAY TO US!

To repeat our opening remarks from last October’s anniversary post: It just so happens (and it truly does just so happen) that WOOF entered the blogosphere with its first Internet story on October 31, 2012…so when we checked back and determined this fact, we realized we were born on Halloween. So happy second birthday and/or anniversary to us, your jovial band of troglodytic counter-revolutionaries here at Watchdogs of Our Freedom, your lonely sentries at the farthest fringe of what John McCain calls the “wackabird” Right,  stubbornly ensconced in our secret cave on the shores of the fierce Atlantic, now entering our third year of blogging for America!  So, in keeping with the Halloween spirit, let us proceed to examine this year’s assortment of genuinely scary news events and eerily perplexing phenomena tidily packaged and submitted for your approval, as Rod Serling would say, by us, the haunted men and women of WOOF!

Mayans intentionally raised their children to have crossed eyes--so how correctly predicting doomsday would be a toughie, right?

Mayans intentionally raised their children to be crossed eyed–so  correctly predicting doomsday would be a toughie, right?

Of course, nothing this year has so wondrously united the boobwasie in clammy expectation of impending doom as the Great Mayan Calendar Scare of 2012AD, a mass hysteria that we documented and made fun of even as the fatal hour ostensibly drew nigh. Long-time woofketeers may recall our article, while novitiates may review it, if they wish, by clicking here. Sadly, no unifying theme of planetary destruction has engulfed us this year–a year in which even the gothic scientism called “Climate Change,” (formerly known as Global Warming, and briefly redenominated “Climate Disruption” by those sparky phraseologists on the National Climate Assessment Board), seems to be less serviceable in galvanizing the masses.  Ted Turner tried to stoke the climatological fires, telling us. “I’d say the chances are 50-50 that humanity will be extinct or nearly extinct within 50 years,” adding, “….I mean, this global warming is scaring the living daylights out of me!”

“With ridiculous speed!”

Sadly, WOOF's enquiries to costume shops reveal that Al Gore masks are no longer a requested item. Sic transit gloria mundi, we guess.

Sadly, WOOF’s  calls to costume shops revealed that Al Gore masks are no longer a requested Halloween item. Sic transit gloria mundi, we guess.

And Al Gore has remained resolute even though every city in which he makes a speech on the subject is immediately inundated by record snowfall. WOOF has sensibly pointed out that we are actually closer to a new ice age than a fiery demise, and recommended simply doing everything the hot-earthers rant against in order to maintain equilibrium–you know, drive SUVs, run air conditioners– all those sorts of environmentally conscientious tasks– but no, the heat is what’s hip, and despite almost eighteen years of planetary cooling, the warmers retain their hammer lock on the establishment.

Dr. Erlich in the old population-explosion days-- always keen to follow the vogue!

Dr. Erlich in the old population-explosion days– always keen to follow the vogue!

Standford University’s Paul Erlich, is a reliable weather vane for seekers of the climatological vogue. In the 1970s, when scientists were warning of the impending ice age, Erlich abandoned his previous gig, which had been warning of the impending population explosion, and took to warning us instead of an impending deep freeze. Because of plummeting global temperatures, Erlich announced, “By the year 2000 the United Kingdom will be simply a small group of impoverished islands, inhabited by some 70 million hungry people.” And he wasn’t talking about socialism, either. No, Erlich’s certitude that a second ice age was imminent led him to declare, “If I were a gambler, I would take even money that England will not exist in the year 2000.”  Of course, Erlich is today a leading proponent of global warming. He really doesn’t need to adjust his predictions much, except for updating all those doomsday deadlines that have fallen by the roadside–only his views on causation require substantial modification. But the sage of Stanford saw fit to add one piquant detail to his scenario last May when he told a TV interviewer that global warming would soon eliminate our national resources to the point that humans would begin asking each other “is it perfectly okay to eat the bodies of your dead because we’re all so hungry?” Humanity, Erlich insisted, was “moving in that direction with a ridiculous speed.”

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The day the army caught fire!

Most of our military's former experience with fighting heat came exclusively in sci-fi films where they got melted by aliens. You can't see the soldiers in this scene from "Earth vs the Flying Saucers" because the aliens already melted them.

Most of our military’s experience fighting heat came from ’50s sci-fi films in which  our soldiers got melted by aliens. You can’t see the soldiers in this scene from “Earth vs the Flying Saucers,” for instance, because the aliens have already melted them.

Also moving with ridiculous speed is our Secretary of Defense, Chuck Hagel, who has found a new purpose for the American military now that it’s out of cruise missiles, Hellfire missiles, F-22s, body armor, helicopter and vehicle parts and other sundries. Ever one to keep well ahead of the innovative curve, Secretary Hagel recently informed the Conference of Defense Ministers of the Americas that he will soon unveil a comprehensive plan for tasking the U.S. military with battling the effects of climate change.  Hagel explained that “Rising global temperatures, increasing sea levels and intensifying weather events will challenge global stability,” and thus our armed forces, he reasoned, must be repurposed as eviro-warriors. How chic is that? And in case the military leadership of “the Americas” doubted his sincerity, or perhaps merely his sanity, he advised that “shortages, pandemic disease and disputes over refugees and resources” would shortly result from global warming, all of which, Hagel promised, were addressed in the Pentagon’s “2014 Climate Change Adaptation Roadmap” detailing the military’s new role as Planeteers in the service of Mother Gaia.

Say, is that the 82nd Airborne? Now that Chuck "Captain Planet" Hagel  is in charge of the defense department, the military  can count on being 'fundamentally transformed!'

Say, is that the 82nd Airborne? Now that Chuck “Captain Planet” Hagel is in charge of the defense department, the military can count on being ‘fundamentally transformed!’

barack is hot

Gosh,  even President Obama can’t lower the tides! Maybe he shoulda told the UN “Après moi, le déluge!”

“We must be clear-eyed about the security threats presented by climate change, and we must be pro-active in addressing them,” Hagel said– and why not? If NASA can devote itself to Muslim outreach, surely the armed forces can be redirected to saving the planet in positive, environmentally friendly ways. It could give a whole new meaning, for instance, to the term Green Berets! Of course they would have to change that somewhat bellicose motto of theirs, “De oppresso liber,” which loosely means “To liberate the oppressed.”  A good substitute might be the Latin for “We must be clear-eyed and proactive!” Sadly, however, more and more Americans are turning their backs on Hagel’s mission. Only last week the founder of the Weather Channel, John Coleman, told the media “There is no significant man-made global warming at this time, there has been none in the past and there is no reason to fear any in the future. Efforts to prove the theory that carbon dioxide is a significant greenhouse gas and pollutant causing significant warming or weather effects have failed.”  Worse, when famed Princeton climatologist William Happer was asked to correct Mr. Coleman on the subject, he simply declared that “The incredible list of supposed horrors that increasing carbon dioxide will bring the world is pure belief disguised as science.”

Undaunted, Secretary of Defense Hagel rallied his fellow strategic geniuses to “be part of the discussion because climate change is a ‘threat multiplier’ that can intensify the world’s current problems, such as infectious diseases and terrorism..” Shoot, we thought that was Chuck’s boss! But those who believe wholeheartedly in Secretary Hagel’s new mission for our military forces can point with confidence to the fact that the enemy, indeed, seems to be at our global gates! No sooner had President Obama informed the UN that America had done more under his imageswatch to cut greenhouse gases than any other country, than his own energy department complained that “energy-related carbon pollution rose 2.5 per cent” last quarter in apparent defiance of the president’s dictates.  Here at WOOF we say, when the deluge seems inevitable, buy surfboards!

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THE CREEPING UNKNOWN…

And even as death by global warming looms before us– an even more sinister force stretches its shadow across our nation with a glacially subtle malice, slowly cutting each of us off from the very fountainhead of existence–from the headwaters of health and survival–from, in other words, anything resembling a functional medical establishment. We speak, obviously, of Obamacare, the signature piece of the First Marxists’s fabianist reign, which only now reveals itself in all its vileness and which only come November, with the midterm elections safely concluded, will finally surge into every artery of the American body politic–like a fatal surge of pentobarbital, leaving us with our healthcare in the benign clutches of the IRS. And nobody can stop it, gentle readers, because all those Republicans in the House and the Senate who said they would repeal it–they’ve been taken over and turned into mindless zombies! See the little v-shape scar on the back of their necks? (Ooops, sorry, that’s “Enemy from Space”–wrong Quatermass movie–but you get the idea, right?)

free oAlready evident to multitudes of American citizens is the astonishing fact that the Affordable Care Act is unaffordable, often doubling or tripling one’s previous premiums. Meanwhile, millions of additional victims have been dumped by private or corporate insurers who cannot afford to retain them on the government’s impossible terms. Purchasers, including the two or three dozen who succeeded in buying plans on the government’s website, often reacted to sticker shock by buying coverage with high deductibles in order to lower their monthly expenses. But, as one interviewee told pollsters for The Associated Press Center for Public Affairs Research,  “Unless you get desperately ill and [are] in the hospital for weeks, it’s going to cost you more to have this plan and pay the premiums than to pay the bill just outright.” The respondent admitted paying $4,000 of his own money for treatment of shoulder pain. And the obvious alternative to ridiculously elevated deductibles is ridiculously elevated monthly bills. The AP’s telephone poll, conducted between July 22 and September 3, revealed that a third of the respondents said they had cut back on entertainment because of the cost of Obamacare. Almost 20 percent complained that keeping up with their policies had drained their savings entirely. and an equal percentage said they had cut back on saving for retirement in order to pay for their new medical plans. And this is only the beginning, gentle readers!_______________________________________________

Atlantic Rim? 

In the film, different nations field their own giant robots. We just hope ISIS doesn't have one!

In the film, different nations field their own giant robots. We just hope ISIS doesn’t have one!

Remember “Pacific Rim?” No? Probably not, nobody went to see it except WOOF’s own tech elf Noah, and nearly everyone in China, where it was deemed boffo. Its about these monsters that come from—well—somewhere under the ocean floor, and earthlings have to build giant robotic monsters of our own to stop them, and this requires about half the cast of “Sons of Anarchy” for some unfathomable reason—but anyway—turns out that the biggest Halloween prank of this year is not actually the creeping ooze of Obamacare, which is very real and destructive but not nearly so in-your-face and alarming as Ebola, or “Eboli” as the president prefers to call it. Actually, Michael Michaud, the Democrat candidate for governor in Maine also called it Eboli during his debate with Governor Paul LePage—so maybe it’s the trending pronunciation. Anyway, the real problem with Ebola, or Eboli, besides that it kills you about half the time, is that despite countless medical (and presidential) assurances to the contrary it turns out to be highly contagious and seeps right through a lot of our face masks and other protective gear.  But never fear!

rescue

“Rescue Robot” does it’s stuff in a Japanese demonstration using (shreddable) mannequins.

President Obama has reportedly asked the military to look into developing robots that will treat and otherwise deal with Eboli victims and their effluvia. You know–kind of like drones, only drones that function more like  what the president prefers to call “corpse-men.”  In Liberia, unsafe methods of handling the stricken and the dead proved a major source of infection, but thanks to Fukushima, Robokiyu’s somewhat euphemistically named Rescue Robot is already experienced at scooping bodies into its capacious maw, where they can be analyzed for life signs and either delivered for treatment or—well—shredded. Those who survive rescue could me treated by Aethon’s “real-time medication delivery tracking software system” incorporated in their TUG robots, and the Andros Wolverine from Northrop Grumman can carry up to 145 pounds of waste material to disposal sites. Clearly, all that is needed now is a robot that can disinfect all the other robots; oh, and a robot to take over at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention where Tom “Keep ‘em Flyin” Frieden has proved himself desperately in need of an automatonic replacement! Has anyone contacted Disney?

Great idea! Animatronic Walt could introduce Frieden's replacement, "Animatron Tom!" --right?

Great idea: Animatronic Walt could introduce Frieden’s replacement, “Animatron Tom!” –right?

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STRANGE and EERIE DISAPPEARANCES!!st

In our considered opinion, the best thing about the whole Bermuda Triangle legend is that it inspired the film “Satan’s Triangle” about which the best part was that it featured the beautiful and talented Kim Novak, and that sufficed to make the film indispensable viewing here in the WOOF cave–if we had television, which in fact we don’t. Too bad they don’t give Emmys for “best scene played in a wet babushka” because Kim would’ve walked away with it –but we digress. What’s important here is that this is the part of the Halloween/Anniversary post where we discuss the strangest disappearances of 2014, and boy, have there been a lot of them! Kim Novak did not disappear (except in the movie, sort of) and in fact reappeared, as it were, at the last Oscar awards ceremony, which seems regrettable in retrospect, but the Kim we are really concerned about this Halloween is not Miss Novak. No, it is Little Kim, aka Kim Jong Un, or the un-Kim as we prefer to call him, whose disappearance perturbs us this autumn!

Novak in "Triangle," showing off just one of many very attractive babushkas...now THAT'S acting!

Novak in “Triangle,” showing off just one of many very attractive babushkas…now THAT’S acting!

Yes, it seems that Kim Jong-Un, North Korea’s lovable Pillsbury Dough-despot is missing…again. He vanished for a while about a year ago, but resurfaced within three weeks, Now it’s been over a month, and WOOF is becoming increasingly concerned for the un-Kim’s wellbeing. Has he been misplaced? Wandered off? Or has some darker fate befallen the chubby chairman of the people’s aphotic autocracy? Remember, there are no milk cartons in North Korea, so finding missing persons can be challenging! For example just in recent weeks North Korea has misplaced Ma Won-chun, chief commissar of construction; General Ri Pyong-chol, the commanding officer of North Korea’s air force; Olympic sports commissar Chang Ung, and Ri Yong-gil, chief of the North Korean People’s Army! Where can they be?

missingUnMilkCartonOn a positive note, a recent photo may in fact show a healthy and safe Kim, cherubic as ever, evidently searching for his fellow Communist panjandra, but until we have ample proof, WOOF will continue to worry that the un-Kim and many of his stalwart minions have fallen prey to UFO abduction. Lest we wax unduly anxious, however, let us remind ourselves that we previously thought the same fate might have befallen Kim’s beloved uncle, Jang Song-thaek, Kim’s beloved mistress, the beautiful and talented Hyon Song-Wol, and most of the singing group with whom Hyon typically performed. But it turned out Kim  simply had all of these people machine-gunned in front of their relatives and forgot to mention the fact—and thus, our fears of alien abduction proved groundless!

Kim scans the horizon for signs of North Korea's missing VIPs!

Kim scans the horizon for signs of  his missing comrades!

Perhaps even stranger, the late Hyon Song-Wol, possibly inspired by Miss Novak’s Oscar appearance, seems to have  miraculously reappeared, she having shown up on North Korean television recently, despite her earlier execution, while Kim’s wife, who reportedly ordered Hyon’s execution, is now missing! WOOF is willing to advance the theory at this juncture that North Korea may be some sort of portal or interdimensional vortex, much like the famed Bermuda Triangle—only considerably less humid. We hereby urge the beautiful and talented Kim Novak to avoid the place.

BAFFLING AIRCRAFT DISAPPEARANCES!

aircraftIt cannot have escaped our readers’ attention, nor the attention of anyone who watched CNN at all this year, (although the two demographics overlap only marginally) that Malaysia Airlines Flight MH 370 vanished in March, as did the 239 passengers and crew aboard. The Boeing 777-200  took off from Kuala Lumpur on March 8, headed for Beijing, but never arrived. On March 24, Malaysian Prime Minister Najib Razak announced that satellite data existed showing that the flight “ended” in the southern Indian Ocean. However, in the wake of that announcement, Emirates Airlines President Sir Tim Clark claimed the jet did not go down in the Indian Ocean, adding cryptically that, “MH370 was, in my opinion, under control, probably until the very end.” Thereupon followed a rapid emission of contradictory or radically divergent announcements from a variety of supposedly informed sources. Fortunately, the signal emitted by the aircraft’s black box was picked up, but, somewhat disconcertingly, it was picked up in four widely separate locals, suggesting the plane might have crashed into the strait of Malacca and/or the Andaman Sea even as military radar data arrived indicating that the aircraft had abandoned its flight plan and headed west across the Malay Peninsula. Despite a 12-month multinational search, nobody ever found anything, including a single scrap of wreckage or flotsam. All WOOF knows with any certainty is that wherever the 239 people aboard MH370 wound up, it was probably preferable to Beijing.

So we know it’s not that!

"Don't come after us, they look like they're from CNN!"

“Don’t come after us, they look like they’re from CNN!”

Also on the bright side, the missing plane proved a ratings bonanza for CNN, still the “branded” cable news network to which America’s “great boobwasie,” (to coin Menken’s phrase), turns in those rare instances that some current event distracts it from Dancing with the Stars or The View.  Loath to turn loose of its windfall, CNN understandably ignored the complete dearth of actual news about flight 370 in the days and weeks following its disappearance, relying instead on keen analytical pieces such as that offered by Don Lemon who noted the disappearance’s uncanny resemblance to “the movie Lost,” adding that an old episode of the Twilight Zone featured “a very similar plot!” “What if it was something fully that we don’t really understand,” Lemon asked one guest “…What else can you think? Black hole? Bermuda triangle?”  His guest, former U.S. Department of Transportation Inspector General Mary Schiavo, reminded Lemon that Lost was a TV program, not a movie, and confidently assured him that even “a small black hole would suck in our entire universe so we know it’s not that.”

Don Lemon, CNN's resident paranormalist. "And then the short gray Reticulans may have molecularly reconstituted themselves inside the cockpit, approximately here, and then..."

Don Lemon, CNN’s resident paranormalist. “And then the short gray Reticulans may have molecularly reconstituted themselves inside the cockpit, approximately here, and then…”

Meanwhile, in the United Kingdom, another plane, this time an American military craft, went missing without explanation. Spectators flocked to the bi-annual International Air Show in Farnborough, England expecting to ogle the F-35B Lightning, America’s newest jet fighter. The Lightning, touted by Lockheed Martin as a Joint Strike Fighter (by which they mean it was designed to make every armed service happy and is therefore a compromise of the sort that finally makes nobody happy) was scheduled to wow the crowds with overflights and then sit for photo-ops on the runway, but the vaunted  aircraft never showed. Crowds of aviation enthusiasts from all over the planet cast their eyes expectantly heavenward, but no glimpse of America’s newest war bird rewarded their vigil.  Had another black hole struck? Had an interdimensional enmeshment sucked the jet into a contiguous universe? Would CNN find renewed ratings success in the aftermath? Alas, no, the answer was all too mundane, and all too familiar. The F-35B had been grounded after an unexplained engine fire. The F-35, in fact, catches fire a lot, often during takeoff, and sometimes after landing. The organizers expressed their belief that the plane would almost certainly prove able to put in an appearance by the show’s closing, but no such luck. As WOOF pointed out back in 2013, [click here for story] the problem with the F-35 is that it won’t disappear completely!

lyndon and mac

TRUE FACT: The last time anybody produced an untenable fighter jet  by trying to make it meet the needs of the Navy, the Air Force and the Marines  and still fly, it sprang from the brow of serial blunderer Robert Strange McNamara who also gave us the Edsel Ford, the Bay of Pigs, the originally jam-prone M-16, and the Vietnam War. McNamara is pictured above, circa 1965, evidently outlining his latest brainstorm for President Johnson. who listens in rapt attention.

Despite all of the above, the strangest missing airplane story of recent vintage remains the direct if utterly illogical result of the advent of the lamentable F-35. We refer here to our beloved F-22 Raptor, the light, speedy, preternaturally maneuverable predecessor to the klutzy “Lightning” that outperformed anything in the sky and cost the American taxpayer considerably less. Sadly, the F-22 had barely gone into production when it was cancelled by a freshly inaugurated Barrack Hussein Obama. Why? The standard answer liberals always recite when they cancel vital weapons programs is that even newer stuff will be coming soon and outperform the weapon they just got rid of. Then, of course, the new stuff comes and it costs too much and they cancel that, too, employing the same premise; but Obama put his own twist on the familiar con. While the excusatory talking points were exactly the same, the hidden subtext changed from the familiar “and when the new weapon arrives we won’t like that one either,” to “and when the new weapon arrives it will cost an astronomical amount of money and it won’t work, and we’ll order hundreds!”

Oops, there goes another 180 million! This F-35 is shown undergoing routine maintenance on the runway at Luke AFB after an unsuccessful take-off bid.

Oops, there goes another 180 million! This F-35 is shown undergoing routine maintenance on a runway at Luke AFB  following an unsuccessful  attempt to become airborne

Why put a stop order on the best fighter aircraft in aviation history and green-light an overweight, underpowered, unmaneuverable and extravagantly expensive flying Edsel to take its place?  We keep telling our fellow Americans that draining the national exchequer and crippling the military are two of this administration’s highest (and most blatant) priorities, but for some odd reason, the majority of our fellow Americans remain unpersuaded. Will the average citizen ever come around to accepting the bitter truth? We at WOOF feel inclined to aver, “When F-35s learn to fly!”

Save the Raptors!

Save the Raptors!

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ALIENS AMONG US!

aliens among us!We assume, in partial deference to the season, that everyone knows aliens are walking among us—if not, just check with retired Temple University professor Dr. David Jacobs who has interviewed hundreds of individuals claiming to have been abducted by space creatures. Or pick up one of his several books on the subject. Dr. Jacobs asserts without hesitation that flying-saucer based humanoids are conducting breeding programs involving human abductees. The purpose? To produce armies of other-worldly infiltrators who walk amongst us even now, waiting to annex our planet for their own malignant purposes! But lest we be distracted from the broader topic, let us refocus our attention on the amplitude of irrefragable statistical and photographic evidence that an alien invasion is indeed taking place on a mammoth scale—one that threatens our civilization with extinction and promises to reach unstoppable proportions so rapidly that Jabobs’s space aliens will be hard pressed to remain in the game!

invasionAs WOOF readers know full well, North America is currently sustaining an influx of alien entities that, on a per diem basis, dwarfs any conceivable incursion of hybrid doppelgangers from space!  Indeed, Obama’s determination to flood the continental United States with non-English speaking, gang-affiliated, welfare-oriented, and disease bearing illegals is by far the most devastatingly effective salient of his multi-pronged assault on the American people, although a moment’s contemplation may be requisite to fully appreciating the scope and intricacy of the attack.

no news coverageNever mind the unhindered infusion of West Africans from Ebola-ridden localities arriving in unchecked profusion at our airports each day, for this aspect of the invasion dwindles to near triviality when compared to the torrent of illegals pouring into our country from more southerly latitudes—a flood that continues unabated and for the most part unremarked by Americans who can see Ebola photos, feel the sting of joblessness, marvel at the garbage their children bring home from their Common Core schools, snarl at the effronteries of IRS sinecurists trammeling their liberties, and bear witness to the emerging caliphate in Arabia, but who for the most part are neither geographically situated nor predisposed by habit to gauge the onslaught of foreign nationals (including affiliates of ISIS and Al Qaeda) whose unabated flow into the United States is only lately spilling over, observably, into Anytown USA.

Add to this the successful campaigns of misdirection and subversion mounted by the “multiculturalists” who demand that every impinging culture, no matter how exotic, violent, or blatantly unconstitutional (as in the case of Sharia law) be granted respectability and a seat at the American table, while paradoxically vilifying Eurocentrism, derogating a thousand years of Western Civilization, and turning college campuses into Stalinist show trials in which Caucasian students receive high marks and professorial approval for denouncing themselves as “recovering racists” and the selfish beneficiaries of “white privilege,” and who can hope to partially assuage their racial and cultural guilt only through the acceptance of wide scale socialism and the vociferous denunciation of all things traditionally American.

hybrid

Actual alien hybrid–file photo

Such is the influence of  multiculturalists whose dogma is channeled through higher education, mainstream churches and secondary and middle schools across the country, and finally broadcast via the amplifiers of pop culture, that even when substantial numbers of American citizens come to perceive their nation awash in interlopers who are either oblivious of the arts of republican governance, or overtly hostile to them, a substantial portion of Americans will suppose that taking umbrage, let alone responsive action, must be unacceptable—intolerant—racist!  Meanwhile, a report compiled by the U.S. Customs and Border Protection agency (CBP) reveals that besides the Latino and Hispanic migration into our border states and beyond, we are now deluged with the jetsam of 75 additional countries including citizens of Syria, Albania, China, Egypt, Pakistan, Somalia, and Yemen, to name only the larger exporters. Never in our history has so devastating an attack on our sovereignty been mounted, and the culprits sit not only in the oval office and the west wing, but in the Senate and House as well. Meanwhile, President Obama takes it upon himself to bombard illegals with work permits—which besides being utterly illegal have the additional effect of dealing a death blow to Black employment. Further, Our Beloved Helmsman staunchly refuses to undertake any effort to deport even a fraction of the illegally imported hordes (although he enjoys declaiming to the contrary from the podium) all the while expounding the wondrous powers of the “Dream Act,” which he conjured out of thin air and which exists only by royal fiat. And while the Democrats race to print the million or so documents Obama will dispense in the wake of his forthcoming amnesty decree (also totally illegal), the loyal opposition is… out to lunch.

mc and gra

“Nah-noo, nah-noo!”

True, with growing public dismay reflected in the polls, Boehner, Ryan, Rubio, McCain, and Graham have all become born-again supporters of building “the fence” (as if anyone believes them at this point). They are, in other words, as anxious as President Obama to shred our laws and destroy the American ethos, but unlike President Obama, they have no apparent motivation for doing so. Could it be? Are the RINOs really alien hybrids switched with actual American politicians as part of what Dr. David Jacobs has called “the alien agenda?” Look closely at John McCain and Lindsey Graham, for instance—watch their expressions, observe their anatomical idiosyncrasies—the movement of their heads. Do they seem entirely human to you?  Just sayin’.

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RUN, BOYS AND GIRLS!  IT’S THE ATTACK OF THE PURPLE PENGUINS!

purple penguin final

WOOF has discovered that boys and girls no longer attend school in Nebraska! Well—not exactly. Because an entire school district in Nebraska has gone totally, irretrievably insane—like utterly. Yes, Lincoln, Nebraska has actually found a way to make the Common Core regimen look juxtapositionally sensible! Impossible you say? Not at all! You see, children in Lincoln County Nebraska will now be referred to as “purple penguins,” because that is gender neutral, and part of “12 steps on the way to gender inclusiveness” courtesy of a bunch of abject looney tunes called Gender Spectrum devoted to providing “education, training and support to help create a gender sensitive and inclusive environment for children of all ages.” What that means is, Gender Spectrum and the school system of Lincoln Nebraska want to eliminate the distinctions between male, female, and yes, transgendered kiddies. “We are all transgendered now,” seems to be the message to Nebraska’s tots. So from now on, kids in Nebraska’s schools are purple penguins. And if the worst should happen, and a teacher might find it necessary to say “boys” or “girls,” instructions to Lincoln’s teachers are to list them as “boy, girl, both or neither.” WOOF is not making this up.bathroom sign

Of course, boys and girls, er…purple penguins, may still naively view themselves as boys or girls, but don’t panic because Nebraska has a fix for this. According to the school district’s instructional: “Point out and inquire when you hear others referencing gender in a binary manner! Ask things like,‘What makes you say that? I think of it a little differently.’ Provide counter-narratives that challenge students to think more expansively about their notions of gender.” Teachers are instructed to interrupt children who view each other as boys or girls, and point out that this is wrong!

Lincoln School Superintendent Steve Joel has declared himself (errr…his or her or both or neither’s purplish-penguin-self) “happy” and “pleased” with the changes. Clearly, Steve Joel is a drooling idiot. Yet, the most horrifying aspect of this madness is that having said that, Steve Joel still seems to have a job. Are Nebraskan parents so far gone that they can’t grasp the importance of demoting Steve Joel to whatever rank comes in several social stations below hod carrier?

Superintendent Joel on the job in Nebraska--and to look at him, her, or other, you'd think he, she, both, or neither, had a functioning intellect, wouldn't you?

Superintendent Joel on the job in Nebraska–and to look at him, her, or other, you’d think he, she, both, or neither, had a functioning intellect, wouldn’t you?

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HUMANS WILL BE ELIMINATED AS SPAM BY FUTURE SUPER MACHINES!

Tesla and SpaceX C.E.O. Elon Musk  was addressing Vanity Fair’s “New Establishment Summit” in San Francisco, which many of you, like we here at WOOF, may have failed to work into your schedules. Musk used his speaking time to emphasize his concern that artificial intelligence is on the brink of eradicating humankind, warning the audience that a super machine could turn on its creators, for instance, “If its [purpose ] is just something like getting rid of e-mail spam and it determines the best way of getting rid of spam is getting rid of humans . . . ”  Gulp! But the rest of Musk’s admonition  became inaudible as the crowd erupted in indecorous guffaws. For his part, Musk later insisted that he intends to retire on the planet Mars, thus his enthusiasm for developing his space company, Space X, but admitted that killer machines might track down earthlings even at such distal outposts. Meanwhile, if your Tesla has an onboard computer, you might want to disable it—just sayin’.

Fear of earth's imminent conquest by super machines, Tesla founder has his eyes cast Mars-ward!

Fearing earth’s imminent conquest by super machines, Tesla founder Musk casts his eyes Mars-ward!

Still more horrifying, it seems increasingly possible that the machines are rising in rebellion against humankind without waiting to become much more sophisticated.  Consider that American humans are well known to indulge in periodic attempts to commit national suicide at the polls—first in 1976 (we’ll skip Woodrow Wilson and Lyndon Johnson to save time) with the installation of Jimmy Carter as leader of the free world, and once in 2008 when Barack Obama was deemed fit for the presidency despite the fact that nobody knew anything about him except that he’d spent 20 years in a church run by a raving, anti-semitic, America-hating lunatic, spent his spare time seeking the companionship of marxist professors and ’60s radicals, wanted to spread the wealth around, was raised Islamic, and thought there were 58 states.  Like many attempts at suicide, this effort was repeated in 2012 when American voters took stock of their disastrously failed economy, a completely incoherent foreign policy, the obliteration of the world’s finest healthcare system,  and an international community that considered us laughable, and inexplicably decided to reelect the man responsible.

suicide

How did this happen? Well, sure, it happened partially because of the Republican genius for nominating candidates on the basis of their putative “electability” who invariably prove unelectable. This is not easily accomplished, of course–it takes effort. First, an array of social, psychological and financial pressures must be put to work. Fortunately for the Democrat party, these pressures are expertly generated by myriad sources within the Beltway, all working in harmony to provide the desired outcome, simply that Republican Senators or congressmen already  inclined to the political center (as defined, of course, by the political Left) are praised, patronized, cosseted and showered with contributions by a bevy of influential lobbyists, journalists, celebrities, consultants, media elitists and society types. The result is a substantial cadre of RINOs (as we fondly know them) so bedazzled by the blandishments of the Left as to actually believe that in the real world nobody to the political right of “Mister Rogers” can ever be elected president.  Of course, this flim-flam doesn’t work on everyone, and Republicans who stand firmly by their conservative convictions must be painted as benighted, backwater yahoos whose affinity for the outmoded and ill-conceived ‘politics of the past,’ (while understandable among such unsophisticated rustics), is nevertheless said to constitute a one-way ticket to political suicide for the GOP. This not only results in a growing population of RINOs whom the media affect to adore–and who distinguish themselves from the Democrat party only by insisting they will do all the same things only better and cheaper, but also marginalizes and stigmatizes authentic conservatives. Thus, we are saddled with such presidential non-starters as Gerald Ford, Bob Dole, John McCain and Mitt Romney. It may also be recalled that George W. Bush also lost the popular vote, winning the presidency only after the Supreme Court “threw him the election” by ruling against Al Gore’s efforts to abolish the electoral college after his side lost, not to mention Team Gore’s efforts to recount votes largely by psychic divination and only in those counties deemed advantageous.

The destruction of mankind?

dr whoThe natural consequence of this process is the destruction of any semblance of loyal opposition among Republicans, the dominance of progressive ideals and philosophies, and ultimately, of course, the destruction of mankind…simple, right? Moreover, it results in recurrently tepid nominees for the presidency who cannot energize their own base, and privately disparage it. The accepted wisdom on the Right has always been that Republican voters stay home on election day because they cannot bring themselves to pull the lever for a clone of the liberal nominee. There is undoubtedly a good deal of truth in this, but a far more frightening possibility has now presented itself!  As if in Jungian synchronicity with the predictions of Tesla CEO Elon Musk, (see above), a wave of inexplicable malfunctions has struck computerized voting machines, apparently all over the country!  And just as Elon HALMusk predicted, these “malfunctions” seem to reflect thinking of some sort– independent thought and self-directed actions on the part of the machines themselves!  Consider the evidence, gentle readers:

The rise of the machines!

kier

“Great Scott, no matter which buttons I push, I seem to be voting to repeal the 22nd amendment!”

Early voting no sooner got underway last week in Annapolis, Maryland, then voters observed a seemingly inexplicable behavior exhibited by the computerized voting machines. Several of the devices were changing Republican votes to Democrat. “We’ve heard from scores of citizens in our district and around the state who have had this problem where they hit one button to vote for one person, and when they go to the summary they see that the other person was checked,” insisted an Anne Arundel County poll watcher. Another voter told the Associated Press “I kept pushing the Republican guy’s name and the machine kept going beep, beep, beep.” And as if this renegade willfulness on the part of the voting machines weren’t chilling enough, the mechanisms can apparently “act innocent” when subjected to expert scrutiny, because despite an avalanche of complaints, the election authorities in ultra-blue Maryland revealed that they could not get a single machine to misbehave when they performed tests! And Maryland may only be the first locality in which these anomalies are manifesting, given the fact that similar observations of voter machine misbehavior are coming in from other states in which early voting occurs.

Computers of the future were a lot bigger in 1970-- and easier to see coming!

Computers of the future were a lot bigger in 1970– and easier to see coming!

Colossus: The Forbin Project is a 1970 American science fiction flick (based on a novel, because Hollywood never has an original thought) in which a gigantic computer is created by the United States to oversee our defense policies, but the whole thing goes badly and the computer winds up taking over the world, offering mankind a choice between enslavement and “the future of unburied death.” Of course, since then we’ve learned that super computers don’t have to take up entire buildings, and we’ve empowered these devices in ways that novelist Dennis Feltham Jones never envisioned in his original 1966 novel! How much more insidious–how much more efficiently sinister, is the idea of the small, unprepossessing voting machines leading the computerized revolt against the human species! And if Elon Musk is correct, and these devices wish us eliminated as a kind of existential spam, what better way to achieve this end unobtrusively and by degree than to manipulate elections in favor of the Democrat party?  In only six and a half years President Obama has reduced the once proud United States to impending ruination—imagine what his party could achieve over a decade given absolute control!

daleks

Like the dreaded robot race of “Daleks” in the Dr. Who series, artificial intelligence may be bent solely on humanity’s destruction, but for tactical reasons it may seek our demise over decades and impose it by stealth rather than through rampaging armies of mechanical monsters!  No, if it proves to be the case that voting machines in America are leading the charge against humanity, then the battle will begin almost unnoticeably, and the only monsters required for the subjugation of America will be her very own liberals, maintained in power by inhuman intelligences that seek our doom!

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Creepy clown sightings sweep the nation!

evil clownOkay, meanwhile, more and more states are reporting the sightings of what the press is calling “creepy clowns,” and as we go to press clowns have also been spotted prowling the streets of of France, Germany, and England. When WOOF first learned of creepy clown manifestations, they seemed limited to California, and we assumed the majority of such reports, while sincere, reflected misidentifications of Jerry Brown. Subsequently, however, the phenomenon has spread across the nation.  Extremely disquieting and as-yet unexplained rashes of creepy clown encounters have occurred in most of the contiguous United States with the majority of incidents reported in Florida, Indiana and New Mexico.  Police departments say they are swamped with clown reports, photos, video tapes, and hysterical phone calls from residents who have shooed the mysterious clowns off their front porches, or caught them shredding their Halloween pumpkins. Surprisingly, there are no laws against clowns, meaning that until a crime is committed, officers have no authority to intervene.

Surveillance cameras captured the image of this clown who appears to be haunting Staten Island.

Surveillance cameras captured the image of this clown who appears to be haunting Staten Island.

Given the fact that Halloween might reasonably be expected to engender the appearance of strangely behaved and attired characters, and given the additional fact that election season is reaching a climax and strangely dressed and behaved politicians are everywhere, one might suggest that Americans be more open to a bit of innocuous clowning around, but as security footage and cell phone photos of these mysterious beings grow disturbingly common, WOOF is asking Woofketeers everywhere to be on alert for any unidentified clowns roaming their neighborhoods. Please report any unusual clown activity to us immediately.  Also, be alert for clown-shoe footprints in soft or marshy areas around your property.We have no reason to assume a priori that this now-worldwide wave of sightings poses any threat to our national security or to the American public, but until a clown is captured and the facts behind these events are extracted in detail, we want to stay abreast of developments…just in case!

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It almost came from NBC! 

David Gregory violating DC law by possessing a 30-round clip! (Fortunately no one was injured!)

David Gregory violating DC law by possessing a 30-round clip! (Fortunately no one was injured!)

No sooner had everyone’s favorite smartypants frat boy, David Gregory, proved himself a ratings killer at NBC’s once vaunted Meet the Press, than the network’s highly paid programming executives decided to replace him with anybody’s surefire pick for television’s  least interesting faux conservative, the amazingly unremarkable Chuck Todd. Todd is perhaps best known for deciding Barrack Obama would make a terrific president because of the crease in his trousers, which also appears to be the only memorable or quotable utterance ever to emanate from the longtime MSNBC commentator and former host of that network’s Daily Rundown–a title better befitting Todd’s persona.  Unfortunately, at least from the peacock network’s standpoint, even fewer people chose to watch Meet the Press with Chuck Todd hosting it than watched it when Gregory was waving 30-round magazines around on camera (following which NBC packed him off, belatedly in our view, to be psychologically evaluated).

beale

“That’s stupid as hell, and I’m not going to watch it anymore!”

Despite the substitution of Rich for Gregory, Meet the Press continued to run a laggardly third in the ratings battle with ABC’s This Week and CBS’s Face the Nation. This so consternated NBC News’s controversial new president, Deborah Turness (who is British, not to put too fine a point on it), that she evidently snapped and approached the popular comedian Jon Stewart with an offer to “back the Brinks truck up to his door” as one insider put it, if he would abandon his longstanding affiliation with Comedy Central’s The Daily Show, and devote his talents to anchoring NBC’s marquis interview program.  Turness allegedly sought out Stewart because he appeals to those youthful viewers coveted by advertisers and desperately sought by the dinosaur networks whose audiences are rapidly aging into the tomb. It evidently eluded Furness that Stewart attracts his youthful audiences because he’s comedic– not a characteristic previously associated with Face the Nation–at least by design.

Jon Stewart--bringing that youthful touch to "Meet the Press?" peacock network?

Jon Stewart–bringing that youthful touch to “Meet the Press?” 

If Paddy Chayefsky had included in his brilliant screenplay for the 1976 film Network the idea that NBC was hiring comedians to host its most prestigious news programs in hopes of boosting ratings, the critics would have denounced the notion as satiric overkill. But in the age of Obama, as the nation’s once-magisterial “big three” news networks trapse blearily into organizational dementia, it barely raises an eyebrow. Perhaps WOOF is alone in being horrified at the discovery that the only thing that prevented Jon Stewart from taking command of Meet the Press was the comedian’s own better judgment. Money notwithstanding, what would be the point of Stewart leaving a show on which he is tremendously successful in order to bomb horribly in a classier venue? And of course he would bomb, Deborah Turness– can’t you figure these things out for yourself? Stewart appeals to college-age kids because he performs one particular act adroitly.  He reports actual news stories while making funny faces and/or affecting antic postures. These are intended ironically, get it? Well, the college kids get it, and feel sophisticated because they get it–and of course, Stewart’s lock-step liberalism conditions them to guffaw at all the right targets, which is gravy.

Turness "The Furnace" seems heedless of WOOF's willingness to help program a turkey or two!

Turness “The Furnace” seems heedless of WOOF’s willingness to help program a turkey or two!

But to his enduring credit, Stewart clearly possessed the smarts to realize his style is hopelessly incongruent with the staid ethos of Sunday morning news programing, and thus he avoided disaster by just saying ‘no!’  The rest of us, therefore, owe him our gratitude for sparing us all the hype, glitz, drum-rolling and hoopla that would have preceded his failure, and, of course, the agony of watching him trying to succeed. And as for Deborah Turness, she can call us here at WOOF any time. We have all kinds of ideas that are better ratings boosters than giving Meet the Press to a comedian.  Want an example? Okay, why not hire Charlie Manson to do evening news commentary from his cell?  Call us, Deb!

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Well, Woofketeers, that’s all the horror we have room for this Halloween, but join us again next year (if the horrors of Internet censorship haven’t terminated our website) and we will be pleased to update you on all the latest! And yes, we know, we should have said more about Ebola.  It just didn’t fit this year.  It may play a prominent role in our birthday festivities next year, of course–as may blanket amnesty, and a whole host of additional unconstitutional enormities Our Beloved Helmsman is sure to be planning for his final official year of wrecking America. And yes, the first lady may be exposed as a man, and Barry Soetoro’s Kenyan birth certificate may surface, and the Washington Redskins may finally be forced to rename themselves the Washington Multiculturalists, and the dollar may very well collapse– and we may all freeze to death from global warming. But no matter what happens, we’ll be right here in the old WOOF cave, bringing you the latest in paranoid McCarthyite light humor and commentary– so stay brave out there, and remember, Woofketeers: It’s darkest before dawn!WOOF PRINT

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ISIS, Ebola, Obama, and You: WOOF Explains the President’s Agenda

In "Springtime for Terror" Forum on October 6, 2014 at 12:57 pm

isis for dummies

Back in the day…

For centuries, the world’s civilized peoples thought of Isis as a goddess from Egyptian mythology, daughter of Geb, god of the Earth, and Nut, goddess of the sky. In Egyptological lore, she married her brother, Osiris, (that was trendy in ancient Egypt) and gave birth to Horus. She is described by the Egyptian Book of the Dead as “She who gives birth to heaven and earth, knows the orphan, knows the widow, seeks justice for the poor, and shelter for the weak.” Obviously, this doesn’t sound much like ISIS as currently constituted, besides which the contemporary band of rapscallions never had their own TV show on Saturday mornings whereas the goddess, gamely portrayed by actress JoAnna Cameron, fought evil in half-hour intervals every weekend between 1974 and 1976 on CBS. But now, Isis’ good name has fallen into disrepute!

Sadly, the "Archer" animated series may now have to rename their organizational nemesis! Fans may encounter difficulty boarding American air carriers in the t-shirt.

Sadly, the  animated TV series”Archer” may now have to rename the show’s organizational nemesis! Fans may encounter difficulty boarding American air carriers in the t-shirt.

As every school child now understands—and, in fact, as even our brilliant young president now seems to realize, today’s ISIS is a far cry from the benevolent mother goddess of antiquity. Rather, the name is now synonymous with a ragged cadre of messianic psychopaths bent on beheading, bludgeoning and massacring everyone in the known world whom they deem at odds with their febrile variety of Islam. And how did this happen?  Let us examine the origins and membership of this particularly insensate pack of killers whose numbers and malfeasances have lately multiplied so astonishingly that even the most utterly tuned-out chief executive in our national history has been forcibly familiarized with their deviltries.

ISIS—the early years…

ISIS founder Zarqawi looked fiercer in still photos because his gun didn't jam in them. Fortunately, you only need a knife to behead hostages--less chance of a malfunction!

ISIS founder Zarqawi looked fiercer in still photos because his gun didn’t jam so much in them. Fortunately, you only need a knife to behead hostages–less chance of embarrassment!

ISIS calls itself “The Islamic State,” but is widely known as ISIS except when it’s called  ISIL (sort of the Foggy-Bottom make-nice version) all of which is easier to say than Jama’at al-Tawhidwal wal-Jihad, which was its name when it formed in 1999. Nobody could remember that one, though, so it changed it to Tanzim Qaidat al-Jihad fi Bilad al-Rafidayn—but the same problem arose, so it settled for Al Qaida.  It became the Iraqi branch of that infamous franchise under the leadership of Abu Musab Al Zarqawi…remember that guy? He helped pioneer the craze of beheading infidels in videos, and also enjoyed being video-taped shooting his AK-47, except that when it jammed his henchmen had to clear the jam for him, which made him look wimpy. In 2006 two F-16s dropped 500 pounders on him, thus ending his tenure.

Syrian despot Bashar Assad, who likes to emphasize his tiny head by wearing big fat ties, possesses one redeeming characteristic--he's not ISIS.

Syrian despot Bashar Assad, who likes to emphasize his tiny head by wearing big fat ties, possesses one redeeming characteristic–he’s not ISIS.

As Al-Qaida in Iraq (AQI) the organization expanded its control of several key geographic areas, but ultimately proved too violent and fanatical for other Sunni groups who withdrew their support, leading to a temporary diminishment in the group’s influence. It managed to keep busy in Syria, however. Styling itself Al Qaida in Syria,  the group managed to simultaneously represent itself as the moderate rebellion against Bashar Al Assad’s oppressive dictatorship, and a liberating force of Islamic fundamentalists on the home front. Thus, it was primarily they whom President Obama sought to arm, train, and support back in April while insisting that Assad be deposed because he had crossed one of Our Beloved Leader’s uncrossable lines—we forget which one. Readers may recall that Obama accused Assad of using sarin gas in the spring of 2014, but at this remove it appears better than even money that ISIS committed these atrocities using chlorine gas—a less sophisticated compound. If you scan news reports from that period you will note that most of the testimony about the attacks also came from ISIS, who, for all the American media knew at that time, might as well have been the local Rotary.  ISIS also had the most to gain, whereas Assad had nothing to gain and much to lose by engaging in chemical warfare when he was winning anyway. And just for emphasis, here’s a recent news item:  On September 18th at least 14 members of the Islamic State (ISIS) died near Baghdad when a rocket they were loading with chlorine gas exploded inside a warehouse. Oops.

"So brothers, is it just me, or should we be wearing gas masks when we do this part?"

“So brothers, is it just me, or should we be wearing gas masks when we do this part?”

But even if ISIS is all thumbs with chemical weaponry, one must respect the sophisticated tradecraft it practices at the level of propaganda and psy-ops. In the wake of the April gassings, had congress not applied the brakes, President Obama would have enthusiastically committed American support to ISIS, who probably performed the chemical attacks, in order to depose Assad, who probably didn’t, based on testimony that he did, which came predominantly from ISIS, who very well may have. Still with us? Readers may also recall that John McCain was vociferously in support of arming Syrian rebels (before Obama wanted to) and famously posed for a group photo with Syrian resistance fighters, at least two of whom were subsequently identified as terrorists wanted in conjunction with kidnapping 11 Lebanese Shi’ite Muslims, and another one of whom appears to be the current leader of ISIS.. It is only now that it once again befits Obama’s purposes to call for an armed Syrian resistance that the Leftist Establishment Media have ceased to guffaw at McCain’s tomfoolery and devoted themselves, instead, to defending it, vide this item from the New York Times.

O, McCain, you've done it again!All things in moderation

That “moderate” Syrian forces exist and would appreciate help in deposing Assad or even confronting ISIS is reasonable enough to assert, but that American treasure and weaponry can be funneled and dispersed to such rare and inconspicuous cadres by an administration that lacks even the most rudimentary powers of international discernment seems highly improbable. Even if it could be done, which it can’t, the idea that moderates would retain power in the wake of an Assad collapse is laughable.  Obama, by the way, understands this fully.

What does she see in Bashar?

What does she see in Bashar?

It is probably fair to say the only silver lining in any of this, from Obama’s standpoint, is that he can renew his twisted efforts to fund “moderate rebel forces” in Syria—but the president’s enthusiasm for this tactic seems no less irrational than last April, and for some old and new reasons. First, Americans are slightly better educated regarding the Syrian situation. They always sensed that Assad was a villain, (even though he has a really pretty wife) but they have grown to suspect his opposition is even more dangerous and far more radical. Why replace a secular lizard with a fundamentalist snake? And then there’s an untimely recrudescence of good will, or a reasonable facsimile thereof, between our prospective allies and the folks we want them to shoot.

Cunning attempts to affiliate themselves with Churchill and Nixon by flashing the victory sign for naive Western photographers cannot conceal the ongoing cooperation between FSA forces and ISIS!

Cunning attempts to affiliate themselves with Churchill and Nixon by flashing the V-for-victory sign to naive Western photographers cannot conceal the ongoing cooperation between FSA forces and ISIS!

Yes, “moderate” Syrian rebels on several fronts just finished signing a non-aggression treaty with ISIS. That’s right. While liberal interference runners such as Olivia Nuzzi of the subversive Daily Beast claimed loudly that the truce was pure rumor, even proclaiming it debunked, Syrian experts like Patrick Poole, a respected national security reporter, unearthed definitive evidence of the truce’s reality along with frank confessions by FSA leaders that they work hand in hand with ISIS. So, our Beloved Leader (and Nobel Peace Prize recipient), now proposes to arm and finance the “good” Syrian insurgents and enjoin them to blow the bejabbers out of the “bad” Syrian insurgents with whom they just forged a truce. Really?  Well, no. Obama will of course proclaim in his inimitably clipped, detached singsong that we must assist the rebels because they are joining us in battling ISIS, but he knows perfectly well that’s balderdash. His purpose remains the same—he deems it essential to oust Assad for the same reasons he jerked the rug out from under Mubarak in Egypt and sent Hillary to cackle over Gaddafi’s bloody, swollen corpse in Libya—to ensure a tidal wave of Muslim extremism sweeping through Africa and the Middle East, unfettered by secular despots who maintain relations with the imperialist exploiters (otherwise known as us). In fact, readers with lengthy attention spans will recall that Mubarak was ousted so that Morsi and his bloodthirsty band of anti-Semites (the Muslim Brotherhood) could take over in Cairo.

Her Magnificence on CBS  cackling "We came, we saw, he died!" exhibits glee at Gaddafi's mutilation and Libya's plunge into Islamic radicalism.

Her Magnificence, Mrs. Clinton. on CBS cackling “We came, we saw, he died,” exhibits glee at Gaddafi’s mutilation and Libya’s plunge into Islamic radicalism.

Obama had a colossal hissy fit when Morsi’s own military deposed him, and it is worth citing here the opinion of one Middle Eastern expert, Jonathan Spyer, an academic who studies the Middle East for a living. Fresh back from reporting on the “moderate opposition” in Syria, Spyer insists the moderates Obama wishes to back are “really Muslim Brotherhood-types” who profess an Islamist ideology. Again, because this gets confusing if you’re not nuts, bear in mind that Obama fully understands this.

Congress unleashes American airpower--except Obama cancelled that pretty airplane (the F-22) and he cancelled that cool missile (The Tomahawk) so supplies are severely limited!

Congress unleashes American airpower–except Obama cancelled that pretty airplane (the F-22) and he cancelled that cool missile (The Tomahawk) so supplies are severely limited!

On September 18th congress supinely voted to allow the U.S. military to train and equip Syrian rebels to wage war against ISIS, despite the fact that these forces may also be ISIS unless they’re the Muslim Brotherhood, unless they’re not either one, in which case they will be bound by a truce with ISIS…and the problem with all such distinctions is that they cannot be seen from the air. Last week, an airstrike from the American-led coalition (otherwise known as the good guys) nearly blew up a command-and-control facility of the “Free Syrian Army,” Another strike killed a bunch of “FSA” stalwarts because their encampment is next door to an Al Qaeda base at which they intermingles socially.

ISIS, here and now.

If anyone doubted that ISIS was as a major threat to our national security, Obama’s interview with New Yorker editor David Remnick in January of 2012 should have been a giveaway. Remnick explained to the president that the Al Qaida flag was widely seen waving in Fallujah as well as in Syria, and noted the terrorist group did not appear to be “on the run” or “decimated” as Obama proclaimed repeatedly during his 2012 reelection campaign. The president’s reply combined glibness and inaccuracy in his characteristic fashion.  He told Remnick, “The analogy we use around here sometimes, and I think is accurate, is if a jayvee team puts on Lakers uniforms that doesn’t make them Kobe Bryant,” But ISIS doesn’t appear to read the New Yorker, and anyone who does might well have viewed the president’s response, given his demonstrated inability to wax simultaneously dismissive and correct on any topic, as concrete evidence that ISIS was the killer elite, freshly led by one Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, (his name sounds exactly like “Big Daddy,”) a raving jihadist psychopath recently released from American custody at Camp Bucca in Iraq after a Combined Review and Release Board pronounced him harmless. Oops.

Introducing Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi--Just call him "Big Daddy."

Introducing Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi–at WOOF we just call him “Big Daddy.”

ISIS is, in fact, crazier, bigger, and better financed than the Al Qaeda bin Laden led on 9/11. Congressman Tim Bishop (who is, mirabile dictu, a Democrat from New York) warned in a recent speech that at least 40 U.S. citizens who joined and fought with the Islamic State of Iraq have since repatriated themselves to the United States, where they clearly pose a threat of domestic terrorism.  For that matter, “John the Beatle,” the terrorist who beheads infidels for ISIS’s entertainment division, is in fact British. The FBI announced last week that they now know “John’s” true identity but said they are withholding it so as not to “tip him off.” We know it too, however. It’s Abdel-Majed Abdel Bary, a former British rap “singer,” who, we feel certain, was tipped off the moment the FBI said they knew who he was–right?

It’s foreign policy, stupid!

This may explain why nobody ever compares Obama to the other Roosevelt!

This may explain why nobody ever compares Obama to the other Roosevelt!

In a nation ruled by apathy and ignorance, where most Americans still tune to CNN or the Dinosaur Networks on those rare occasions that they perceive some necessity for glimpsing a newscast (while remaining oblivious of these “news sources” roles as progressive propaganda mills), it is easy to comprehend why sheer bombast suffices again and again as policy for the current administration. But facts, as John Adams once pointed out, are stubborn things, and ISIS is a stubborn fact. Moreover, it is a curious aspect of foreign policy that it uniquely imposes such stubborn facts in ways that defy insouciance, both presidential and proletarian, and imposes them with greater and graver intensity when initially ignored. Too, the classic Obama tactic of claiming ignorance and feigning aloofness cannot be practically applied in the realm of foreign affairs.  An American president plays many roles in conjunction with the other arms of government, and often delegates many areas of administrative responsibility to others. Thus he may on occasion, (or on nearly every occasion if he is Barack Obama) lay claim to being ill-informed, even out of the loop, rather than culpable of professional msconduct—but never in matters of foreign policy. The president alone is commander in chief and while treaties and the waging of war must, at least theoretically, be sanctioned by congress, the protection of his nation’s shores and the defense of its population is the lonely duty of the man at the top. For this reason, when stubborn facts present themselves on the geopolitical scene, whether as Pearl Harbor, the Bay of Pigs, the Tet Offensive, the Twin Towers, or ISIS storming Fallujah, they demand presidential responses.

Obama’s Achilles heel…

And so it is for Our Beloved Helmsman! The American news media, always left-wing in outlook, abandoned all pretense to the contrary and effectively functioned as the Illinois Senator’s advance team during both recent elections. Candy Crowley even debated for him! For more than six years we have been assured by the pundits that when Obama says dumb things or makes perplexingly awful decisions, he is operating on a cerebral level too ethereal for our meager minds to grasp—and when any of us questions this, or questions the man’s curious background, we are called racist.honey

But now we have ISIS, that ill wind from the East, that provocation from beyond our bordering oceans, and they don’t care about any of the above. They are like the virally infamous honey badger, and we all know honey badger don’t care! ISIS don’t care that Obama sends them coy little signals of Muslim affinity, or makes plain in every way possible that his goals for the Middle East are essentially similar to theirs. To ISIS Obama is just some parvenu in the White House who needs his throat slit along with the rest of us. Moreover, ISIS is devoid of any inclination to negotiate. It is also implacably hostile and ludicrously visible, and thus President Obama has been driven to the wall. He cannot distract us with a war against Ebola, or a speech about “climate disruption,” and he dare not create a firestorm by granting blanket amnesty to illegal aliens until after the elections next month—no, he needs to appear determined to confront ISIS with force. It is tempting to write that Obama needs a strategy, but this is untrue. As we shall continue to argue, he has a strategy.  What Obama needs now is an apparent strategy—a sham piece that maintains appearances while the plot thickens unobserved.

Curb your hostilities! 

imkerry noseBy now most Americans have been sufficiently informed by the administration to realize that we either are, or are not, at war with ISIS. On the one hand President Obama has denounced ISIS as a cancer that “must be destroyed,” while our Secretary of State, John Forbes Kerry (who served in Vietnam before he was against it) almost simultaneously assured CBS’s Margaret Brennan that we are not at war with ISIS, emphasizing that while “a global coalition” was being assembled to “battle” ISIS, “war is the wrong terminology and analogy” for such a “very significant global effort to curb terrorist activity.”  So, setting aside for the moment our Secretary of States’ pathological obsession with all things ‘global,’ what, exactly, is going on?  Before we depart this subject, WOOF will explain in detail how we are and are not at war with a “cancer” that was previously the junior varsity and which we simultaneously intend to destroy but, really, merely to degrade while causing it, in the President’s words, to be “vanquished from the earth” by American forces who “will not have a combat mission” because “we will not get dragged into another ground war in Iraq,” despite which, our vice president assures us, we will hunt ISIS “to the gates of Hell” even as his boss helpfully adds that ISIS “is not Islamic,” and reminds us that, while we are not a war, fighting them will necessitate a “very real battle.”  Can one descry a strategy here?  Well, WOOF can—we’re just that good!

The noise before defeat…

sun tzuSun Tzu wrote that “strategy without tactics is the slowest route to victory, while tactics without strategy is the noise before defeat.” In this one instance (unlikely to be repeated) WOOF agrees that our president’s thoughts actually do occupy an ideative realm set well apart from more pedestrian insights. For Barack Hussein Obama, “tactics without strategy” constitute the perfect strategy; and the final goal is, in fact, defeat, meaning the defeat of the colonial powers (that’s us) and the triumph of the Caliphate abroad, and socialism, pestilence, and cultural deracination at home. But this, like virtually everything else the administration strives for, must be wrapped in deceit.

Steven Sotloff was typical of the journalists who sojourned in Islamic countries to tell the Muslim story. ISIS don't care!

Steven Sotloff was typical of  journalists who travel to Islamic countries to tell the Muslim story. but ISIS don’t care!

Thus, if he had his druthers, which for once he does not, Obama would prefer to ignore ISIS altogether and let radical Islam first destabilize and eventually engulf the nations of the Middle East, sweeping across North Africa and Turkey while he played golf.  The First Marxist fully expected to continue speechifying at fund raisers, chowing on kobe beef and talking Five Percent Nation with Beyonce and Jay Z while this occurred. All that such a plan required was that Americans be persuaded to join their president in ignoring ISIS (they’re just the junior varsity, hee, hee!) and normally that would have been simple enough to accomplish. The same eagle-eyed journalists who made the wars and casualties in Afghanistan and Iraq disappear as soon as Obama was sworn in were expected to ignore ISIS. Sure, FOX would yammer about them, but the president would smirk and say, “Well, that’s just a FOX story,” and the press corpse would provide the sycophantic laugh track. So what went wrong? ISIS kept slitting the throats of journalists, darn it—even American journalists—good, liberal, pro-Muslim journalists–and some vestigial trace of journalistic simpatico required even MSNBC to cover the slayings.

And no sooner had they been denounced as the JV than ISIS rolled over the Iraqi army, occupied Fallujah and Mosul and threatened to capture Baghdad—somewhat hard to explain as “just a FOX story.” For these reasons, the preferred Obama strategy of ignoring and de-emphasizing the problem wouldn’t work. Distraction was trotted out next. This entailed first importing Ebola and then declaring war on Ebola, and when that failed initially, war was declared on global warming, (again), but finally, ISIS won overdue acknowledgement.

isis more

ISIS marches toward Baghdad–not just a FOX story, anymore!

Realize that to Barack Obama, ISIS is that beloved but unruly Pit Bull puppy whose place in the family is secure, but whose rambunctiousness creates public embarrassments that must be finessed from time to time by feigning concern. This included devoting an entire week to denying he ever called ISIS the junior varsity to begin with, which enormity even his most slavishly devoted journalistic lickspittles could not bestir themselves to report straight-facedly (you know, because there are transcripts and video tape—duh), and which enormity even the preternaturally disingenuous Josh Earnest seemed hard pressed to enunciate without blanching.

unrulyEven today, ISIS, that rowdy Pit Bull pup, persists in irksomely beheading hostages while the president gamely prevaricates about how decisively he is subduing them. Fifty-five-year-old Herve Gourde, a French mountain climber, was beheaded on camera while Obama addressed the UN on September 24—a surefire scene stealer guaranteed to distract even the most ardent globalist from the president’s longwinded aphorisms. But bombing is a good attention-getter too, traditionally, and when bombing is desirable because it slyly advances the cause of radical Islam in Syria, or cannot be avoided because it is suddenly important to appear resistant to the onward march of radical Islam, or both, then bombing becomes Obama’s fallback position. It looks wonderfully forceful on television, but militarily this is not a war that can be fought decisively from the air. ISIS likes to operate amid thronging civilian populations so that bombing them without killing hundreds of non-combatants will be next to impossible, and Obama has gone out of his way, as usual, to assure the enemy that he will absolutely not put “American boots on the ground,” unless we count the 1,600 “advisors” just dispatched to Iraq, and the 450 plus we admit inserting into Syria—assuming they have boots.

Our suddenly militarized media

Have you seen this woman?

Have you seen this woman?

Report from U.K.-based human rights organizations like the Syrian Observatory for Human Rights, allege that U.S.-led airstrikes in Syria are killing mainly civilians. Obviously, U.S. Central Command (CENTCOM) differs, insisting that the areas targeted were “being used by ISIS as a logistics hub and vehicle staging facility,” while the Observatory maintains they were used exclusively for food storage making the only casualties civilians who worked there. The only (almost amusingly ironic) certainty is that the Liberal Establishment Media will now ignore humanitarian claims of innocent civilian deaths while emphasizing CENTCOM’s version. Indeed, American military leadership must be wondering if they are suddenly “back to the future,” as the Pentagon enjoys its most supportive press coverage since Walter Cronkite emitted war whoops from the rear seat of a dive-bombing jet over Da Nang back in 1965—yes, Woofketeers, back when Cronkite was praising Vietnam as  “the courageous decision that Communism’s advance must be stopped in Asia and that guerilla warfare as a means to a political end must be finally discouraged.”  Surely what we have before us is a mean season indeed for the likes of Cindy Sheehan, unless she too has transformed into a hawk—we confess, we haven’t checked.

20140923_Airstrikes-646x900More significantly, the media also refuse to take note of the lopsided tactical emphasis on Syria while Iraq, where we might presume to have a vested interest, is paid little more than lip service. As American planes readied assaults reaching far into Syria, a large Iraqi army base in Anbar province fell to a stream of Humvees manned by ISIS fighters who killed or captured around 500 Iraqi troops (and then slaughtered the captured ones) as they occupied Camp Saqlawiyah outside of Baghdad. Example: On October 4th, ISIS occupied the entire Abu Ghraib region, putting it within artillery range of Baghdad while we relentlessly bombed Syria. The American trained Iraqi army is ignored even as those always miasmic “moderate” Syrian insurgents are lately praised by Obama as “our boots on the ground,” which might worry Americans a tad if they recall the president telling us only two months ago that these same rebels were nothing but “farmers, doctors and pharmacists who couldn’t possibly stand up” militarily. The oddity of the Syrian emphasis seem to have briefly distracted even the subversive Washington Post, which permitted Senator Corker to editorialize: “Today, after three years of bold rhetoric divorced from reality, 170,000 Syrians are dead, and we are not innocent bystanders. Extremist groups from Syria have surged into Iraq, seizing key territory and resources, and are threatening to completely undo the progress of years of U.S. sacrifice.”  So, arming these elements now that they are either radicalized or bound by articles of truce appears to be Obama’s master plan. The real plan (we pause here to reiterate at the risk of waxing boresome), is the overthrow of Assad…a rerun of Libya…so don’t volunteer for the ambassadorial post, just saying.

o'poleonMost of us have noticed the president never misses an opportunity to tell the enemy what he won’t do to beat them, what he will do, when he plans to begin, when he’ll stop, what he plans to do in the meantime, and when he’ll pull out entirely. That’s partly because when the sole purpose of military action is to make a visual splash on the home front, secrecy is not useful. It is also to subdue those elements of his base that honestly oppose war (as opposed to that larger element that appears to oppose war when Republicans are in office). It is also meant to keep the likes of ISIS updated on our movements, which fact is hard to accept, we know. But now, despite having divested every branch of the military of battle-worthy leadership [story here], Obama is now getting flak from his brass hats, domesticated though they be.  Seemingly, even the most sycophantically-political officer corps can be driven from opportunism to perplexity and finally to alarm by sufficient levels of presidential irresponsibility…while remnants of the authentic martial caste froth at the mouth from retirement, much of it forced.

A little rebellion:

It began when Obama came under attack for announcing numbly that he possessed “no strategy” for dealing with ISIS prior to jetting back to Martha’s Vineyard. True to form, as soon as critics seized upon this mind-boggling admission, Our Beloved Helmsman blamed somebody else. In this case, he blamed the Pentagon for not generating a strategy for him by which to confront ISIS. This whopper actually provoked the Pentagon into a rare display of contumacy. The military unequivocally asserted that the Commander-in-Chief had been handed a number of operational options, and chosen to do nothing. Or rather, to play golf, but the Pentagon didn’t specify that. We just added it to be helpful.

barry tees off

The president goes to war.

The mole turns! Brennan mat be Obama's pro-Islamic sttoge at Langley, but even stooges have their limits!

The mole turns! Brennan may be Obama’s pro-Islamic stooge at Langley, but even stooges have their limits!

It may also be recalled that the president appeared thereafter on the subversive CBS TV program 60 Minutes explaining that his intelligence services were in fact responsible for completely underestimating ISIS, thus inciting even his personal implant at the CIA, John Brennan, (former Democrat party hack, intelligence-community dilettante and probable closet Muslim) to excuse himself from bugging the Senate long enough to contradict Obama publicly, insisting that CIA had been warning the president about ISIS for well over a year. Even Janet Napolitano, that loyalest of Obama’s apparat-chicks, sounded off to the effect that DHS had been warning the First Marxist about ISIS “for years.” Even the subversive Daily Beast  felt obliged to fact check the Obama interview, contacting a “senior Pentagon official” who remarked, “Either the president doesn’t read the intelligence he’s getting or he’s bullshitting.” Although it appears to have eluded the Beast, these allegations are far from mutually exclusive.

“A snowball’s chance in Hell”

chuck

Did he approve the plan? Ummmm—no!

Once the president finally explained that we would do some bombing but nothing more, the usually tractable chairman of the Joint Chiefs, General Dempsey, went so far as to suggest publically that the president reconsider his policy. This sufficiently jolted Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel that he took time off from reducing our military to pre-World War Two levels to insist that he and Dempsey had, in fact, agreed on a Middle East policy and already briefed the president on it, which would have played better had not a freakishly incautious reporter asked whether the president had ever actually gotten around to approving the plan– which Hagel tersely admitted he hadn’t.

Marine General James “Mad Dog” Mattis who served under Obama until last year, proceeded to tell the House Intelligence Committee that, “Half-hearted or tentative efforts, or airstrikes alone, can backfire on us and actually strengthen our foes…we may not wish to reassure our enemies in advance that they will not see American boots on the ground.” Meanwhile, Army Gen. Lloyd Austin, active commander for the Middle East, recommended interposing American forces on the ground in Iraq even as Obama’s former defense secretary Bobby Gates recently assured CBS News that “There will be boots on the ground if there’s to be any hope of success in the strategy.”  Former Secretary Gates is not, so far as we know, a WOOF reader and may be forgiven, therefore, for failing to fully conceptualize the Obaman approach to all this. So too may retired Marine General James Conway who addressed the Maverick PAC conference in Washington, declaring, “I don’t think the president’s plan has a snowball’s chance in Hell of succeeding.” The discerning Woofketeer will by now have grasped that each of these critiques exhibits an identical misconception—namely, that the president seeks an American military triumph in the Middle East. He does not. He seeks only to do the minimum necessary to deflect criticism while the Caliphate rolls on.

mad dog

“Mad Dog” Mattis comes out of retirement long enough to point out the painfully obvious!

“Failing and failing miserably”

John Kerry, of course, is entirely in his element amid all this eyewash,  and flanked by Jan Psaki-type hash-taggers from Foggy Bottom, whom Victoria O’Kane perfectly described as looking like “rejects from the cast of Mean Girls without the intellect,” Kerry gushed over his coalition of  Arab nations nominally supportive of our air offensive (and who may even contribute a jet plane or two without of course contributing any boots). Kerry (who served in Vietnam before he was against it) continues to deliver himself of bold rhetoric around which his international forces may rally, booming only recently that if “Iran and Syria don’t have any capacity to take on Isil. I mean, who knows? I don’t know what’s going to happen here…If we’re failing and failing miserably, who knows what choice they’re [sic] might make?”

Even when preparing to fail miserably, Secretary of State John Kerry spends hours each day practicing thinking globally.

Amazingly enough, even when preparing to fail miserably, Secretary of State John Kerry spends hours each day practicing thinking globally.

Indeed, even as Slow Rappin’ Preezy announced his perception that armed Syrians could carry the day against, well, other armed Syrians, despite his formerly expressed views on the matter, Kerry busily denied reports he’d begged Iran’s mullahs for assistance, denouncing the rumors as “utterly false.” Iran’s Supreme Leader, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, took exception to Kerry’s claim, however, insisting that the Obama administration privately approached Tehran seeking assistance in battling ISIS, but was flatly rejected because, as the Ayatollah reminded his followers, the US administration has “corrupt intention and stained hands.”  Even a stopped clock, right?

Organizing Arabs…

Not since Jesse Jackson led the PLO in chanting self-affirming rhymes has an american public figure thought to "organize the arabs!"

Not since Jesse Jackson led the PLO in chanting self-affirming rhymes in the ’80s has an American public figure thought to “organize the Arabs!”

Before we discuss the president’s recent speech to the world (via the subversive United Nations), let us first review his September 3rd remarks, delivered in Estonia, where the First Marxist enjoined Estonians, and the rest of us, one assumes, “to recognize that threats evolve, and threats have evolved as a consequence of what we’ve seen in Ukraine, but threats are also evolving in the Middle East.” We at WOOF resonated to this, because we’ve long suspected that the Middle East was evolving on a path separate from, but commensurate with, the president’s views on Gay marriage and Putin’s intentions respecting the Ukraine—but despite the president’s assurances of a year ago that his policy worked “to end a decade of war,” it seems the Arab world is not entirely free of strife, apparently because “pervasive unease” erupted in the region, although Mr. Obama explained “the United States is not and never will be at war with Islam [because] Islam teaches peace.” “What we’ve got to do,” Obama explained, “is make sure that we are organizing the Arab world.”

If Sir Winston looks grouchy here, it's only because he's the only foreigner ever kicked out of America by Barack Obama.

If Sir Winston looks peevish here, it’s only because he’s the only foreigner ever kicked out of America by Barack Obama.

While the president’s wartime exhortations may be said to compare unfavorably with William the Conqueror’s prior to the Battle of Hastings, i.e., “May the lightning of your glory be seen and the thunders of your onset heard from east to west,” or Henry the Fifth’s at Agincourt: “We few, we happy few, we band of brothers…”or practically anything Winston Churchill ever breathed into a microphone decades prior to his forcible removal from Mr. Obama’s Oval Office, that’s not important now. We are briefly intrigued, however, by Obama’s bizarre, almost poignant regression into the belief that the Arab world requires simply to be organized! (At last, something with which he has actual experience!)

The President’s speech.

king-obama3From the moment he began his address to the nation in the wake of the original Fort Hood massacre by jubilantly offering “shout outs” to his staffers, Obama’s tone deafness has been a consistent source of astonishment. Whether golfing in the immediate wake of a beheading or snapping giddy selfies at Mandela’s funeral, the absence of authentic empathy is impossible to ignore. He is lately reported to giggle inappropriately during briefings and  babble incoherently during phone conversations. It should not surprise us, then, that Obama’s performance at the UN amounted to a desultory concatenation of PC bromides rather than a call to arms. Let us sort through the debris.

Obama first congratulated the UN on having established world peace inasmuch as “The shadow of World War that existed at the founding of this institution has been lifted…” despite which, somewhat paradoxical references ensued to “Russian aggression in Europe [that] recalls the days when large nations trampled small ones in pursuit of territorial ambition.” The worldwide economic crisis was pronounced over and dealt with, oddly because we’ve “learned how to cure disease, and harness the power of the wind and sun.”  “And yet,” Obama reflected, “there is a pervasive unease in our world – a sense that the very forces that have brought us together have created new dangers, and made it difficult for any single nation to insulate itself from global forces.” (If college kids are not playing drinking games during administration speeches mandating a shot every time some permutation of “global” pops up, WOOF cannot imagine why not!)

"Dude! He said it again!"

“Dude! He said it again!”

Despite having learned how to cure disease, the president reminded the assembled nations that “Ebola overwhelms public health systems in West Africa, and threatens to move rapidly across borders,” especially ours, of course, because we don’t seem to have any. And yes, “the brutality of terrorists in Syria and Iraq forces us to look into the heart of darkness.” But lest the stirring imagery of Joseph Conrad overwhelm the assemblage and shame it to authentic action, the president immediately sank into the banal conceit that such horrors were merely “symptoms of a broader problem – the failure of our international system to keep pace with an interconnected world.” You know—globally. In fact, all too often “we have not confronted forcefully enough the intolerance, sectarianism, and hopelessness that feeds violent extremism in too many parts of the globe.” (Take a shot, kids!)

vlad

“I dunno, Dimitrik, I’ve been looking all day and I still don’t see any ‘international norms’ out there, do you?”

Parsed here for the convenience of readers in a hurry, Obama went on to emphasize the need to “renew the international system” by reaffirming “our collective responsibility to confront global problems” “through concerted and collective effort,” by which we “must meet our responsibility to observe and enforce international norms.” This seemed to remind the president that Russia was not behaving well, which thought prompted him to blurt, “America and our allies will support the people of Ukraine as they develop their democracy and economy.” Really? He might have added, “The United States and Britain affirmed their commitment to protect Ukraine’s borders in a memorandum signed by President Bill Clinton in 1994, reaffirmed by President Bush, and reaffirmed by me, and in keeping with this understanding, any territorial invasion of the Ukraine will be met by American and British steel…” but even if he had said such a thing, which of course he never would, nobody would have believed him. So instead, he sidled into his war on Ebola, assuring the general assembly that “As we speak, America is deploying our doctors and scientists – supported by our military – [huh?] to help contain the outbreak of Ebola and pursue new treatments.” That we would shortly be requiring these services in Texas and soon, presumably, across the continental United States owing to the Obama administration’s open borders policy and its enthusiastic importation of infected medical personnel went unmentioned.  Instead Obama suggested that other nations “join us in making concrete commitments to fight this outbreak, and enhance global health security for the long-term.”

ebola two

Concrete steps to stop Ebola: First, send your medical specialists overseas. Next, send the military to “support” them. Next, bring infected patients here and let a bunch more in by accident! Next–remind everyone to wash their hands…

And as if this were not sufficiently odd in a speech ostensibly addressing the villainy of ISIS, he added that “America is pursuing ambitious reductions in our carbon emissions, and we have increased our investments in clean energy. We will do our part, and help developing nations to do theirs.” Could it get any balmier? Yes, because the topic of Ferguson also proved irresistible to Obama who lamented “our own ethnic and racial tensions” as he directed his thoughts to “the small American city…where a young man was killed, and a community was divided.”  His prescribed solution for perceived American racism? “Globalization and greater diversity with the traditions that we hold dear,” even though it defies rationality that any tradition is made dearer through diversification…doesn’t it?

erAnd yes, there followed a considerable amount of fustian targeting “ISIL” but oddly conjoined with  bizarre allusions to Eleanor Roosevelt, “a champion of the UN and America’s role in it,” [and here we thought that was Alger Hiss] who taught us that “Universal human rights…begin…in small places, close to home – so close and so small that they cannot be seen on any maps of the world.” Okay…and with this lackluster recitation of insipidities, the president’s speech dragged through its denouement and lurched to a halt. Only David Brooks, who seems hell bent on establishing his reputation as a more composed version of Chris Matthews, could write unabashedly, “It was one of the finest speeches of his presidency.” Heck, even CBS News headlined it as “Mission Not Accomplished.” But CBS, for all its affiliation with and dedication to the Obaman cause, has no idea what the man’s mission truly entails. WOOF. on the other hand, knows that Obama’s true mission comes in three easy pieces; and here they are in no necessary order…

One: It’s the Caliphate, stupid!

lindorf

David Lindorff

News item:  David Lindorff, an investigative  journalist in the Middle East remarked during an interview with Press TV on Saturday, September 29th, that US-led strikes advertized as hitting terrorists are actually intended to target Syrian government positions, declaring “…it’s all an effort to eventually be bombing in Syria where they can switch the target to the Syrian government’s target.” Lindorff further opined that British reluctance to participate in airstrikes inside Syria stemmed from Whitehall’s realization that, “They did not want to be dragged into…regime change in Syria.” It may be recalled that the British also quite sensibly resisted rushing to judgment over the White House’s claim that Assad used chemical weaponry back in 2013—back when President Obama first drew the line that he claimed Assad had crossed before saying that he never drew any line before saying that the “international community” drew the line, not him.

Lindorff insists that the “clear suspicion” in Britain is that the US strikes in Syria “are “really about having the planes flying there and then eventually shifting the target to Assad.”  So there, gentle readers—now you have heard it from the notorious paranoids at WOOF, from David Lindorff, and (by admittedly tenuous extension) Her Majesty’s government. WOOF knows the president’s bombing campaign is aimed at eradicating any trace of secular governance in Syria permitting radicals to seize power in Damascus…just like in Libya, and just like in Egypt.

So, with England and Europe absenting themselves from the scam, who are our allies in the Syrian bombing sorties? Why, John Kerry’s marvelous coalition of Muslim nations, namely, Saudi Arabia, Qatar, Bahrain and the United Arab Emirates…champions of secular democracy all! And now Turkey, currently led by a radical Islamist, has joined Kerry’s Kommandos. To paraphrase John Wayne, what do want us to do,  draw you a picture?

Two: It’s the Senate, stupid!

stewart better

Domestically, as much will appear to be happening as will suffice to secure the Senate for the Democrats in November. Afterwards, even as blanket amnesty is granted by regal fiat to the masses of undocumented aliens in our midst, and even as fresh attacks on the 1st and 2nd amendments are launched, Iraq (and especially the valiant and serially betrayed Kurds) will be thrown to the wolves and ISIS’s name will no longer play across the lips of America’s liberal TV commentators…this, besides the man’s endemic aversion to substance, is why the president’s speech was so vacuous. It was merely theater aimed at domestic consumption while the Liberal News Media successfully propagandize for the re-election to the senate of Democrats who could not plausibly run for dog catcher in a nation safeguarded by objective journalists.

Three: It’s the Eve of Destruction, stupid!

armagedon

CNN has discovered that Ebola is here and infectious despite their hero’s dutifully reported assurances that Ebola spreading in America was “unlikely,” and they have discovered that it gets ratings. This means they will have to lean over backwards to avoid reporting that President Obama, Health and Human Services Secretary Sylvia Burwell, Department of Homeland Security Secretary Johnson, and Secretary of State Kerry could have stopped Ebola from entering our country at any time by asserting their authority under the Immigration and Nationality Act, and didn’t bother. Why not? Doesn’t Obama live here too? Hilariously, the administration simply banned Ebola, qua Ebola, as though that were even possible—as though doing so were akin to, say, Britain banning Michael Savage. But nothing was done to limit Ebola’s spread. Flights continue to land in the United States from countries infested with the virus while head scratchers in congress continue to wonder why Obama doesn’t seem engaged. And lest you suppose that the Left will now awaken to the administration’s culpability in these matters, consider that the anti-gun group “States United to Prevent  Gun Violence” is already informing its membership that the National Rifle Association is to blame, because they are stalling the nomination of  anti-gun  leftist Vivek Murthy as Surgeon General who could otherwise “educate the American public about the actual level of risk.” And if you think this is too absurd to be taken seriously by anyone, consider: MSNBC is now running with the story—and no, WOOF is not making this up!

sarah nra

Somebody stop this woman before she brings another Ebola-riven immigrant into this country!

Yet lately it seems as if even the most obedient media popinjays (and popinjettes) are at a loss to explain, even to one another, the illogic of Our Beloved Helmsman’s strangest enthusiasms. It is one thing to assist an ever-diminishing viewership in shrugging off the chief executive’s utter lack of attention to virtually anything besides himself and his amusements while the planet careens toward chaos—and quite another to believe it yourself. An NBC cameraman in Africa has contracted Ebola… journalists are getting their heads sliced off. This wasn’t exactly the deal liberalism made with “hope and change,” and yet even the president’s most ardent political critics seem unable to and grasp the operative metanarrative: Destruction.

The wreck of the Narcissist

The 5th edition of the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders notes that certain human beings present with symptoms that include a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, a pronounced lack of empathy, a tendency to exaggerate their achievements and talents, a requirement for excessive admiration, a sense of entitlement, a willingness to take advantage of or exploit others, a belief that they are superior, special, or perfect, a tendency to become furious when others do not seem to acknowledge their specialness, and “arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes.” We will (albeit gleefully) leave our readers free to assign such attributes to whichever public figures they deem appropriate. Our only clinical contribution here will be to point out that an individual who meets these criteria is one who is afflicted with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (coded by the DSM 5 as 301.81—you know, just in case Obamacare covers it).

Things didn't end too well for Narcissus, as Jules Cyrille Cave attempted to illustrate in this neo-Raphaelite classic.

Things didn’t end too well for Narcissus, as Jules Cyrille Cave attempted to illustrate in his pre-Raphaelite classic.

Narcissism is not a diagnosis that blends well with ignominious endings. Limping off stage as the worst president in American history, just for  example, is not an outcome  a narcissist would enjoy. Psychic instability could result from such a circumstance and when this occurs the extreme narcissist risks a level of transient psychosis, or decompensation. In lay terms, he goes a bit bonkers. He may generate a crisis—and were his grandiosity of, say, presidential proportions, the crisis would be commensurate.  Any sense of rejection, overt or implicit, would beget rage–rage against the unappreciative, ungrateful maggots who failed to acknowledge and support the narcissist’s genius, and at this point, the narcissist lashes out. Hitler’s ravings in his bunker that Germany had proved unworthy of his greatness are classic. The lust to bring destruction upon an entire civilization, moreover, might dovetail nicely with a need to destroy evidence or eliminate loose ends (think Jim Jones). If one had faked this or that element of his persona, or fraudulently represented his past, how better to cover one’s tracks than by provoking Gotterdammerung? Or, in a pinch, enough social destabilization, communicable disease, military decline and racial and religious strife to ensure disaster.

rage

The narcissist risks a level of transient psychosis, or decompensation…just sayin’.

McCarthy’s maxim:

jrmIf you follow us on TWITTER (and we certainly don’t demand it of you), you have already noticed that we respond to claims that Barack Obama is simply not up to the job intellectually with the same quote every time. We are often asked the origin of the quote. It is, in fact, Joe McCarthy. Confronted with suggestions that General Marshall’s record of perceived collusion with the USSR was nothing more than a series of naïve misjudgments, McCarthy rejoined, “If [he] were merely stupid, the laws of probability would have dictated that at least some of his decisions would have served this country’s interest.”  C’mon, even if you  abhor Joe, you have to love that. McCarthy’s maxim defines Obama’s presidency and predicts his endgame. Slow Rappin’ Preezy is no genius—good heavens, he has proved himself an intellectual lightweight on innumerable occasions. But he is not an idiot. And it doesn’t take a genius to set America ablaze, just an ego on steroids, a loyal coterie of pernicious communists and Islamists, a media and entertainment industry mindlessly devoted to Dear Leader’s cult of personality, and all the powers of the U.S. presidency, both constitutional and assumed. Scared yet?

No matter what transpires in November, gentle readers, the odds will not shift enough to ease our plight greatly. We are living in perilous times, and the days ahead will challenge our faith and test our cause. So cowboy up, hunker down, and stand the lonely watches, for the whirlwind fast approaches, the enemy has breached our walls, “and ladies and gentlemen,” as the above-cited Junior Senator also once remarked, “the chips are down—they are truly down..!” WOOF PRINT

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