“The chips are truly down!”
Experienced readers are already aware that WOOF never tires of quoting the fictive Gabriel Shears to the effect that “Thomas Jefferson once shot a man on the White House lawn for treason!” (See Guns-and-whamo forum for edification.) WOOF connoisseurs also know that we always admit the quote is sheer nonsense—we just can’t help relishing its piquancy despite its historical spuriousness. The image of Jefferson leveling a cocked musket at the mythical traitor is simply too compelling to fully abandon—like the image of Jimmy Stewart in “Mr. Smith Goes to Washington” haranguing Claude Rains until the old fraud shoots himself (nobody thought it odd in the ‘30s that a Senator packed heat), or the late Joe McCarthy wading into the massed ranks of the Leftist cabal like an Irish Catholic kamikaze pilot, warning Americans with ears to hear that “Today we are engaged in a final, all-out battle between communistic atheism and Christianity. The modern champions of communism have selected this as the time, and ladies and gentleman, the chips are down—the chips are truly down.”
WOOF has long sensed, together with many of our doggedly loyal readers that manhood is in trouble. It has been endangered since at least the early ‘70s when feminist and other liberal sociologists began to redefine the characteristics of manliness—a fact noted somewhat counter-intuitively in such unlikely quarters as the 2004 November issue of Psychology Today in an article entitled “A Nation of Wimps.” The death of John Wayne deprived American culture of a masculine paradigm, and Liberalism, as always, rushed to fill the void. Education, the single most subversive element in American society (although not so conspicuously so as the National Democrat Media Establishment) has spared no effort convincing parents everywhere that manliness is a reprehensible trait, particularly in the male, bordering on mental disease. In 1959 if a kid got bullied in school, he was within his rights to smack the bully upside the head with his Roy Rogers lunch box. Today, no American schoolboy durst contemplate such an action—and were he to attempt it, the school system would close ranks around the ill-served bully—Marxism always siding with the proximal victim of dialectically-imposed anomie, as students of Communism are well aware. No, today Johnny is manly if he marches on Gay Alliance Day or heads the class recycling drive or lectures his parents about driving an SUV. God forbid he should do anything psycho-dynamically “male,” like maybe doodle a gun in his notebook, for as we have reported on many occasions now he will be liable to suspension, chastisement in front of his class, or even to being thrown in the slammer, as befell a 16-year old Cedar Creek High School student in New Jersey who recently committed just such an offense.
Politically, It is fair to say that the Republican side of the aisle suffers most from the degradation of the masculine ethos, because since JFK, there have been no authentic Democrat examples of manhood, while Republicans retain a certain atavistic attachment to the archetype. Manly on the political Left is Chucky Schumer, shrilling against the Defense of Marriage Act, Anthony Weiner, yapping at the pants cuffs of Glenn Beck like a deranged Pekinese, and ultimately expressing his manliness by accidentally tweeting his weener–sending thousands of fans a close up view of his erect penis intended only to harangue one woman he was stalking—or Ted Kennedy and little Chrissy
Dodd getting drunk and grabbing some hapless waitress to make a “waitress sandwich” out of in Teddy’s private “fun room” at the La Brasserie restaurant in D.C…..Manly on the left is John Kerry getting dragged about by his ear by the Widow Heinz, or the First Metrosexual Marxist sneaking out of the White House for fast food at midnight, after Mama Michelle is abed, dreaming of Huey Newton. Consider the Dadaistic moment in which Obama succumbed to a giddy impulse to assure an incredulous interviewer that he shoots skeet “all the time” at Camp David, which image is ipso facto so hilarious as to require little further comment. Is it any wonder that Bill Clinton is considered a virtual monument to machismo amongst progressives? But this is hardly to say that the Republican party is manly by contrast, merely to say that it wishes it were. Ronald Reagan is dead, and Bush, the F-102 fighter pilot, blew his street cred claiming “MISSION ACCOMPLISHED” aboard the U.S.S. Lincoln, or possibly when he choked on the pretzel. Anybody who doubts that manhood is in short supply on the Republican side of the political equation need only observe the rush of inside-the-beltway RINOs to join in the nauseous eulogizing of the devastatingly miscreant Hillary Clinton at her recent hearings. These same stalwarts of the GOP next lined up to snipe at their brethren Paul and Johnson for displaying the cheek to tell Mrs. Clinton to her face that she’d screwed the pooch.
With all this fresh in mind, WOOF turns its attention to John Boehner (R-Ohio) who is best known for public displays of weepiness, and recent news that the Speaker from Ohio is feeling blue again—regretting his performance in the fiscal cliff discussions and his role in bitterly gagging down the last-minute deal cooked up between the White House and the Democrat-controlled Senate. This after the Speaker capitulated on each of the main points of the so-called “fiscal cliff” standoff in exactly the way that WOOF’s own Dr. Gootensteiner Johannes Walters foresaw in our recent news-before-it-actually-happens feature (although to be fair, Dr. Walters predicted capitulation on the debt ceiling, as well, which is yet to officially occur—but we have faith!) Last week, Boehner gave a private talk to the Ripon Society (NB: The Ripon Society is a centrist/left Republican group—they have a neutral rating from WOOF’s own Eastern Touchdowns files, meaning they aren’t all that bad.) So, Boehner told the assembled Riponites that he wished he had taken a harder line during the negotiations rather than making his smarmy speech the day after Obama’s bizarre re-election success in which he offered up “new revenue” as part of a larger budgetary compromise—new revenue, of course, meaning higher taxes. Have you noticed that, by the way? The new code word on Capital Hill for raising your taxes is “revenue,” and it’s favored now by both sides of the aisle! Not that higher taxes increase revenue—they lower revenue. But the ruling class has a solution for that too: More “revenue!” And let’s face it, John Boehner could no more grasp the complexities of the Laffer Curve than he could…oh…call the President a horse’s patoot.
The Speaker continued, “Looking back, what I should have done the day after the election was to make it clear the House has passed a bill to extend all of the current tax rates, the House has passed a bill to replace the sequester with cuts in mandatory spending, and the Senate ought to do its work,” Boehner said. Darn right! This is exactly the course of action Michele Bachmann loudly recommended to the House, and “It should have been what I said,” Boehner admitted, adding, “You know, again, hindsight is 20-20.” Well, as Hillary would say, “woulda, coulda, shoulda, Mr. Speaker!” You didn’t need hindsight–WOOF had Dr. Gootensteiner Johannes Walters standing by in beautiful downtown Zug Switzerland, by the azure radiance of Lake Zug, in the historic Canton of Zug, to bring you up to speed! You could have dropped us an email and we’d have straightened you out on everything!
But no, rather than listen to WOOF, (or Bachmann) the Speaker of the House met continually with the First Marxist, who repeatedly played Lucy to Boehner’s Charlie Brown, coaxing him again and again to take a run at the football, jerking it out of range every time Boehner attempted to kick a goal. Boehner openly lamented his meetings with Obama, after the collapse of which he realized he had only the option of accepting the Senate’s fiscal cliff deal as hammered out by Joe Biden and Mitch McConnell, which was, of course, the Obama plan all along. This agreement
raised taxes (oops, we mean revenues) and did absolutely nothing to reign in entitlements. At Ripon, Boehner complained of the dissatisfaction in his own ranks, remarking that, “Some of our members don’t realize that while I may be a nice enough guy, and I get along with people, when I was voting I had the 8th most conservative voting record in the House, but a lot of our newer members – they don’t know that. And so, you know, they think I’m some squish, that I’m ready to sell them out in a heartbeat, when obviously, most of you in this room know that that ain’t quite who I am.” Well, all right, John, but wasn’t it Mrs. Gump who famously observed that “stupid is as stupid does?”
The Speaker concluded his remarks by assuring those present (two of whom were secret Wooferines) that he is recommitting himself to a House effort to cobble together a short-term approval of raising the debt limit (Dr. Walters scores again!) in exchange for a Democratic Senate promise to pass a budget—which of course they haven’t managed to do—not once—since Obama’s first coronation, and which promise, if secured, will naturally be broken after the debt ceiling is hiked. See, John? We didn’t even need to check with Dr. Walters to figure that one out!
Ladies of the House
Where are the guts, beloved readers? Where are the lions of the Republic when we need them? Yes, indeed and emphatically, there was the glorious rise of Allen West, and we certainly anticipate hearing more from that great champion of Americanism despite the fact that he was gerrymandered out of office in November, but he stands out for his uniqueness. In a conservative movement starved for leadership, it is tempting to see any indication of backbone whatsoever by any newly discovered Republican politician as heralding the “next Reagan,” but in the House, at least, WOOF is content to look for the next Michele Bachmann, and that’s what we wanted to share with you in this article, Woofketeers. Perhaps given the cultural hostility currently reserved for men of guts and action, we would do well to cast our gaze to the distaff side. Of course WOOF already did this in 2012 with its inspired campaign to elect Christine O’Donnell president via write-in vote—and trust us, we are currently looking deeply into the apparent lack of response on election day 2012! Closing ranks around Ms. O’Donnell and seeing to it that she is backed fiercely and uncompromisingly in whatever political venture she next assays is a top priority for us here at Watchdogs of Our Freedom, as it should be for all thoughtful, patriotic men and women.
But Christine is not alone in being denied her rightful status in the Republican leadership! Mia Love would have been the first black female Republican elected to congress had she not been narrowly beaten by some pinko punk named Matheson in Utah’s 4th district in November. Her victory might have been assured had she not had a 3% chunk taken out of her potential support by a killjoy Libertarian named Jim L. Vein who didn’t have enough sense or decorum to get out of a lady’s way. Matheson thus beat Love only because 49% of the vote went to Matheson and 48% to the lady. But the splendidly conservative Love, who is of Haitian extraction, is only 36 and we can expect to hear much more from her, as soon as we figure out how to get those Libertarians out of the gosh darned way, or possibly recruit the brighter among them! And as Mia proved through her performance as a key speaker at Romney’s nominating convention, she is a tenacious opponent of all things culturally or politically sinsitral and a champion of authentic conservative values! As in the case of the extraordinary Christine O’Donnell, WOOF maintains lofty hopes for Mia Love’s political future—in fact, WOOF believes it is not too soon to consider her for the vice-presidential slot on the O’Donnell ticket in 2016!
Only today we have the case of Rep. Marsha Blackburn (R- Tenn) calling the Great Helmsman out on his absurd remark that he shoots skeet “all the time” at Camp David–something His Eminence obviously thought of to say on the spur of the moment (to an absolutely incredulous New Republic interviewer who must have been hard pressed to jam the discordant datum into his staggered worldview). The President’s flagrant prevarication may have erupted in pursuit of a transient fantasy of himself as something other than a stuffed-suit apparatchik whose narrow, fragile shoulders were perfectly suited to “getting funky” with Ellen Degeneres, but never intended for absorbing the mighty kick of a man-sized 12-gauge. This was certainly not lost on the comely congresswoman from Tennessee’s 7th district with the consistent 100% ACU score–indeed, Blackburn openly mocked the First Fantasizer on the floor of the House and during an interview on the subversive CNN network during which she challenged the President to a bipartisan skeet shoot. So far, the White House does not appear to have accepted…perhaps seconds are being arranged?
Cathy McMorris Rodgers (R-Wash) has risen to the number 4 position in the House GOP leadership, and she is all about the battle too! Who among her male counterparts can one imagine calling a “firebrand?” But “firebrand” is the word Sabrina Schaeffer, the executive director of the conservative Independent Women’s Forum, had for McMorris Rodgers, adding that, “Electing her to the chairmanship [of the House Republican Conference] is the first step in a much-needed transformation of the GOP party!” McMorris Rodgers isn’t a sunshine conservative—by no means a John McCain or Lindsey Graham—no, she’s a lioness, not a lemming! She has voted to defund planned parenthood, fought pay-parity legislation expanding mandatory insurance coverage for birth control, and opposed expanding domestic-violence protection to include gay and lesbian
couples. She denounced the proposal to add gays and lesbians under the Violence Against Women Act as a “political stunt.” She has consistently fought to cut taxes, cut spending, and cut regulatory red tape. A farmer’s daughter, McMorris Rodgers, 43, was the first in her family to earn a college degree, and received her master’s in business administration from the University of Washington. Her defense record is exemplary. She voted to proscribe the President’s putting American boots on the ground during Obama’s criminal adventure in Libya, but voted against decreasing Navy and Air Force appropriations. She opposed the repeal of “don’t ask don’t tell,” and hosted the kick off of the Congressional Military Family Conference. She is well enough organized and paced that even the subversives at CNN grudgingly admitted “ Rep. Cathy McMorris Rodgers’ life is like a well-conducted orchestra: Everything happens on cue in precisely the right note.” But CNN meant on the right note, right? Just saying.
From North Carolina via Ironwood, Michigan where she paid her way through Oakland University to earn her nursing degree comes Renee Ellmers, who, unlike many of her male counterparts, lost her squeamishness while running the Trinity Wound Center in Dunn, North Carolina. Ellmers took up politics with a vengeance after the passage of the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act (read: socialized medicine) excited her wrath in 2010. She joined Americans for Prosperity, a free market political advocacy group, and easily secured her 2nd District Republican Party nomination for Congress She ran against and defeated the execrable seven-term Democrat Bob Etheridge, gaining the endorsement of Sarah Palin in the process. Even better, Ellmers was honored with histrionic levels of media condemnation when she released a campaign ad condemning the “Park 51” (Muslim Mosque) “community center” at ground zero in Manhattan while criticizing Etheridge for hiding under his desk on the issue. The ad won special acknowledgment from Salon, which called it “the most baldly anti-Muslim ad of the year” and was simply proclaimed “bigotry” by the subversive Washington Post. In November of 2010 Ellmers defeated Etheridge by 1,483 votes, Last November, 2012, she clobbered her new Democrat opponent and won re-election with 56% of the vote, and this despite having one of those pesky Libertarian me-tooers distracting the customary 3% of the electorate!
Michelle Bachmann of course, won her seat anew in blue, blue Minnesota in 2012, despite having been declared insane by Newsweek Magazine (which did not win re-election) and continues to be an implacable adversary of Obamacare, being the first member of the House to submit legislation demanding its repeal. Where were the guys on this? Speaking of which, Obama issued an executive order (what else?) a week ago calling for an end to the long-standing Congressional pay freeze, thus initiating raises for returning members of Congress, federal workers and, of course, Vice President Joe Biden who deserves it perhaps more than anyone, being the funniest American since at least Stan Freberg. But even before Congress caved on the fiscal cliff fiasco, Bachmann introduced legislation aimed at prohibiting the pay increase, pointing out with gimlet accuracy that the First Marxist “decided to take the law into his own hands and in effect become his own congress.” She looked kind of lonely out there, though. Maybe everyone else really needed the money.
The governors listeth…
Future political leadership on a National basis may derive from various gubernatorial offices, of course, and the four leading Conservatives in this category are Susana Martinez, who rocketed to stardom as Governor of New Mexico where she called for tough immigration control and took steps to terminate New Mexico’s sanctuary status; Nikki Haley of South Carolina who has gone toe-to-toe with the Obama/Holder syndicate after signing a bill mandating voter identification cards in her state, and who remains on good terms with WOOF despite the fact that she conspicuously
failed to follow our advice and sneak Allen West into her state for appointment to the U.S. Senate following the departure of Jim DeMint; Jan Brewer, who continues to duke it out epically with Obama in Arizona, and Mary Fallin who, as the Governor of Oklahoma, may have found it a simpler task championing conservative ideals in a state that is endemically conservative with a “C” for cowboy. Any of these ladies could put the average House or Senatorial Republican male to shame in a contest of nerve.
Finally, of course, we can not close out our remarks on the highly impressive female conservative bullpen without including an homage to governors like Sarah Palin, who made the entire concept of distaff patriotism a national reality, even as she exposed herself to the full sexist fury of the Socialist Media. Palin has recently freed herself from the encumbrances of her affiliation with the centrist FOX News organization, which placed frequent constraints on her commentary, and is once again free to rampage. While it is certainly true that the vast totalitarian socialist conspiracy that governs us will continue to paint her as stupid, crazy, and jocund, and while it is equally true that these besmirchments are fully accepted by Americans in exactly those proportions as those believing that Hillary Clinton carried the day during her recent hearings, or that Barack Obama lowered taxes (or shoots skeet), the fact remains that Governor Palin poses a significant threat to the Left by her very existence, and could make herself a formidable nuisance to liberals in any one of several venues, as WOOF confidently expects her to do shortly. The best evidence, meanwhile, that she remains disconcerting to the leftist establishment is the sudden flurry of strangely coincidental stories and articles that greeted her dis-involvement with FOX—articles that simultaneously shout her irrelevance while betraying a high level of preoccupation. A perfect example is a phlegmatic attempt at a slam piece in a recent issue of Vanity Fair, entitled “Is the Sarah Palin Industry Doomed?” (note feigned solicitousness) by one Juli Weiner (no relation to Anthony, so far as we know) who tries her hardest but could use a few snarkiness lessons from Rachel Maddow.
So, all this said, should the Right be seeking Goldwater, Reagan, or McCarthy amongst its male assemblage? Or should it be looking for the next Gipper or Tail Gunner Joe amid the influx of savvy, high energy, low tolerance, outspoken anti-Obamans of the fairer sex? WOOF has certainly not given up on the male membership of the Senate and House as potential protagonists of the authentic conservative cause, but it is increasingly mindful of the growing presence of first rate female talent—talent that in many instances, and in many categories, outshines that perceptible among the men of the GOP. And we already know that our girls can beat their guys—that’s how they got where they are now! Perhaps the time has come to alter our expectations just a bit, fellow WOOFerians, and begin an earnest hunt for…Tail Gunner Jane.